Koo Koo Katchoo

Having It All

2011-11-01T20:45:00.000-07:00

We all know this one: “You can’t have it all.” I was talking with a friend on our Halloweenwalk following the kids last night and I found myself agreeing with her – you can’treally have it *ALL*. But then I startedto think about that and wondered why I couldn’t have it all. I know that one can’t have something bothways. For example, one can’t have andnot have kids. One can’t be married andnot married. One can’t be here and thereat the same time. But is what I’m askingfor *ALL*? And if not, why can’t I haveit?

The discussion was around travel and how much I missed it vsraising kids to be the strong, confident, smart kids that I seem to have. Having lived abroad for 10 years and experiencingextensive travel in my childhood and into my 30’s, I was brought up to believe travelwas part of our education, of our life experience. I always knew it wasn’t everyone’s experienceand I was always grateful for the opportunities I had, but it was my ‘normal’. Then I got married, had kids and the travel substantiallyslowed down even though it’s one of my greatest pleasures. I mentioned how envious I was that my friendtook the time to travel with her close girlfriend for a week in Italy, just the2 of them, and were later joined by their spouses for one more week. I have never done that. For as much international travel as I havedone, I have never traveled with a girlfriend. I am lucky enough to have a mother/former business partner with whom Iwas able to share great journeys through our work. But to have the opportunity now that I havekids, husband, mortgages, dog, responsibilities, a business … that’s the stuffmy dreams are made of.

The thing is how do I have it all? How do I get my new business off the ground, managea family and a household, raise great kids and keep a relationship going? How do I manage the schedules, theactivities, the responsibilities and the tight budget and add all the things Iwant like travel and time with friends and family? How do I find time for exercise and datenights, and creating a successful business that will give me the freedom to doa lot?

So I know I can’t have it ALL – I just want all that I want.

I Just Like To Do It

2011-10-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

Iadmit it. I like to DO. I also like to write. But for some reason I don't liketo write about doing. It's anticlimactic.

IfI write about what I’m about to do, it’s pressure and I feel the need to buckauthority, even though I’m the authority. It somehow signals that now I have to do this thing. It then losesits draw.

IfI write about it after I do, then it seems self-serving, boasting, me-centeredand begs the questions “WTH do they care about that?” or “So what?”

It just all feelsa little neurotic … not unlike my life actually.

But sinceSeptember has come to a close and I actually did use some of the advice culledfrom my magazine reading, I’ll offer the brief synopsis of my take-aways fromlast month so I can catch up with this month already.

From O, The OprahMagazine:

I was happy to be validated that I have confidence, am assertive anduse my personal power. I use my body to think, putting myself in power poses whichlead me to make bigger, riskier decisions, be physically strong, have a hightolerance for pain and see the opportunities around me. I know when to “playhigh” and when to “play low”. So forthose who’ve had to endure my feet-on-the-desk moments – that was strategic!

Was satisfied that I had an OK ECO IQ – I already use thedishwasher more than washing by hand (duh!), I drink beverages mostly out ofaluminum cans and hardly out of glass bottles, I switched from buying paperbooks to adding e-books to my new Nook that I got for Christmas from my hubby andI don’t wash my car – ever - so I’m super Eco Star there. However, things to improve on: use plasticwrap instead of aluminum foil (just don’t use a lot), change bulbs to LED bulbsover CFL’s and don’t use the treadmill as often. OK, that last one not really but I ‘could’walk outside instead. That would lead todrastically reduced exercise – I would never actually go for a walk in thecold, rainy weather we live in.
I stopped fitting my life to my work and started fitting my workto my life. It’s a work in progress togo from corporate exec to entrepreneur, but I know it’s the right thing for meand for my family.

Want to try Dr Oz’ Cornmeal-Crusted Tofu with Mashed SweetPotatoes. Not a tofu fan, but want toeat better. I will also take a look at the blog 100daysofrealfood.com to see if I can get help.

From BH&G:

I used to fold my bras in a drawer. I now “file” them to keep them in bettershape. Who knew?!?

I bought a new shade of nail polish for the fall and did my ownpedicure. Essie’s “Sexy Divide” –decidedly purple! Color: Fab. Pedicure:most definitely need professional help.

Want to try to make Sweet Potato Soup with Curried Cheese Crispsfor dinner. Hmmm … I sense a pattern andcraving for sweet potatoes!

New after school schedule and habits: I moved my work station tothe dining room table and now the kids both join me when they get home and havea quick snack. We all do homeworktogether, read and get tomorrow’s stuff done. It all gets done faster, they feel that they have help and know thatthey have the rest of the evening to themselves or at least won’t have to dohomework after sports when they are tired. And I can spend quality time with them andthey are learning more. This is a firstsince our daughter was born 11 years ago. Makes my decision to have a home office worth it!

It was National Yoga Month and I was able to get a fabulousprivate session in at home with Karen from Phyzz Yoga. I HAVE to find a way to do that more often!!

From Prevention:

I.Knew. It! – I can blame my increase in waist size over the yearson my pelvis. Presumable the pelviskeeps growing after the rest of the skeleton stops and increases waistsize. Ha – Not My Fault! (well, thatfelt good for a moment… now back to reality – it is my fault).

From Self:

“Au revoir to office ass” (their title, not mine!) – 120 moves 3times a week and supposedly my butt will be perky. Not to share TMI, but nothing I’ve ever hadhas been *perky*. Testing starting now …

Again a greening makeover – less food waste. Practicing a little “Kaizen”, cookingportions sizes we’ll eat and not more, following shopping list and decreasingimpulse buying, only buying what we need for the week. Supposedly I can save up to $900 per yearthis way. Works for me!

Getting my braniac on – never thought I’d be one to play onlinegames, but yes, I downloaded the Words With Friends app to improve my brainpower and had three games going this month. Yeah – lost all three games, but was close on 2 of them. Still good to have a little brain stimulationand friendly competition. Taking onpeople we know bolsters talking and bonding, leaving us more fulfilled. Amen to that! Thanks Linda, Misty and Dana for playing with me.

Better parenting - I finally have time in the morning to fix a better breakfast for the kids. My daughter will now request a "terry bagel" (named for a friend who introduced us to this little piece of heaven on our camping trips) or a scramble. Egg, turkey or canadian bacon, veggies, some cheese ... Waaayyyy better than daily routine of mini pancakes in the microwave with syrup (even if it was sugar free). Feeling a little less guilty.

3 steps forward 1 step back – sleep. Was supposed to get more sleep by workingfrom home … not so much. Have more on mymind, more on my task list and less help this month, so the workday endsbetween 12:30a and 2a and alarm clock goes off at 6:55a. I wouldn’t call after 10pm of you really wanta pleasant conversation. Snarky is whatyou’ll get at that time.

I also wanted to dance more this month, especially with thekids. And I wanted to practice holdingplank so I could do it for three minutes straight. I think I’m still at about 30 seconds.

The 5-year plan – so this will be done in baby steps, ‘cause itasks me to “rip up my to-do list”, start dreaming and dare to make those dreamsa reality. Anyone who knows me knowsthat to not have a to-do list is just not going to happen. I live and breathe the to-do list. I really want to do away with them, I do, butwhen I try, I make even more lists. Onthe phone, the computer, several paper versions by week, day, hour andsometimes minutes. But I do want tolive a more meaningful and fulfilled life so I did put a few things on myTaskPro list to make that happen. Next month,when I have a little more time (ha!), I will create my vision board and writedown goals that will allow me to savor the process of achieving, not just theachievement of it. And this mini goal setting is actually the key to gettingthe big goals checked off the list, so I guess I’m on my way! I like the last page of this mag for itsinspiration:

“No one who has achieved greatness got there by following an easypath laid out by others. She did it bycreating he own vision and striving to achieve, then surpass it. Now that the lazy days of summer are behind,it’s time to renew focus. Think of whatyou want to accomplish, and take a step toward it every day. You are standing on the brink of somethingspectacular.”

And that’s what I’m counting on!!

First Up - My Dream Outdoor Space

2011-09-22T00:13:00.000-07:00

Apparentlythere's a guy - Jamie Durie - who has a show on HGTV called The Outdoor Room.I really didn't need to know that. If there's anything I could be addicted to,it's HGTV. I haven't watched TV (other than the occasional late Saturday nightCriminal Minds re-run) for well over 2 years. But now that I work from home,it's just not right that I should discover a show on how to create somethingI've wanted since we were able to buy a house of our own ... an Outdoor Room.

SoI chose the article about how Jamie Durie can advise me on creating the perfectOuter Sanctum in the September 2011 issue of Better Homes and Gardens as my Project"Good Advice" 1st try.

"Jamie encourages everyonewho has a small patch of earth - or even just a patio or deck - to re-imaginetheir exterior environment as a functional, eco-friendly living space."

OK… Here's what I recently tore out of a magazine as my OMG-I-Want-That outdoorspace.

Nice,huh?

Jamie’s featured space in BH&G is also quite nice. I was particularly interested in the picturesof his “green roof” pergolas. He madeplanter boxes at the top of the pergolas to hold plants of all sorts, that beautifully,elegantly and naturally hang/sprout/blossom around the edges of the roof.

Well, I think I have this one nailed. I don’t even need to read how to do it, ‘causewe already have that going on. See that,at the top of our roofline? It’svegetation my friends.

Yep, we are avant-garde atour house, and now boast an eco-friendly, green roof of our very own. So it’s a little brown now, and I’m prettysure that what’s growing in the gutter isn’t supposed to, but I interpret thisas a start to my new and improved outdoor space. Whaddya think?
We are constantly trying to re-imagine our spaces. We’ve been in home improvement mode since1998. These last 2 years we have been outdoor focused. Taking out a crumbled and broken olddriveway, expanding and re-paving it, and slowly (for real – very slowly) havebeen reconstructing our front space to include little luxuries such as stepsand walkways.

How close are we to getting my dream outdoor space?

Yeah … even my favorite tree just up and died this summer waitingfor this to get finished.

When Mr Durie tells me to grow a green wall, I’m pretty sure heisn’t thinking NW Moss. Or to getcomfortable and set out a day bed with soft luxurious cushions as a must-have,we’d be talking moving furniture out of the house or garage for about 10 (non-consecutive)days out of the year (the rest of the year it would just take up space we don’thave). Or to add fire as a sensual element, but comes with a huge caveat: not ifyou own any of these!

I remind myself that he lives in sunny southern California, is aTV Host who can write off his hobby as business deduction and was born withwicked creativity and imagination – none of which are part of my particularsituation at this time (and unlikely to be in the future).

Here’s my take away though: our spaces should accommodate our life, notthe other way around. I will work onthat piece of advice for all the projects we undertake.

And if anyone knows Jamie, tell him to stop by … and lend somemuch needed specific advice I can really hang a flower basket on.

Cheers!

Let Project "Good Advice" Begin

2011-09-18T23:31:00.000-07:00

Like thousands of others, I love to read. As a kid, I devoured books. I'dread in the morning; while making/burning lunch for my family (we lived inEurope where our school lunch breaks were 2 hours long at which point we ateour main meal of the day – more than once my reading resulted in charred meatsand inedible food); at night with a flashlight under the covers; in the car; onhikes in the Alps ... pretty much everywhere and anytime. That is, up to thetime when I transferred into an American High School after moving to theStates. Having to make friends, adjust to American living, schoolwork and a jobleft little time for pleasure reading. Even less once I started college and held2-3 jobs simultaneously to pay for it. With responsibilities and loans to payback after graduation, jobs and my own business became my obsessions, myambitions, serious business ... no time for childish whims or activities, likereading books that weren't, you know, serious business.

But like any "addict", I found myself needing a reading fix and mylove of magazines was born. With little time for lengthy books and unable toshoulder the guilt of, god forbid, indulging in a novel, the magazine articlebecame my perfect mental holiday. So ithas been for the last few decades that my apartments, offices and now house arelittered with a variety of magazines, many that I can’t part with even afterreading cover to cover. There alwaysseems to be some nugget of wisdom I’m meant to absorb and fold into mylife. As a chronic malcontent, I amlured by the promises each cover of Self, O, Shape, Fast Company orEntrepreneur make to me each month. Theytell me there is a better way, a better life just waiting for me just insidethe front cover.

Well, because I’ve now invested a small fortune in subscriptions andconsiderable time and space to my beloveds, I’ve decided that maybe it’s timeto put some of that good advice to work. Can I actually live a balanced, fabulous, healthy, beautiful, delicious,organized, inspired, wealthy life just by taking the counsel offered so readilymonth after month?

I am challenging myself: starting with four September issues, I will attemptto apply the guidance proffered in these magazines and track my balanced lifequotient. And I will blog about myexperiment. I can tell, even as I writethis, that I may be setting myself up for failure. Readingthe words is so much easier than actually doingthings to tangibly improve my life, but to add the writing about the process … uh,yeah … well I can only try my best.

Just so I can come back to this post in about a week or so and understand whatthe heck I was thinking, my purpose in doing this is to gradually improve mylife and inch towards happiness, contentment, satisfaction, fulfillment. For my practical self, it’s to finally makeuse of the investment of time and money into these product-mongeringpublications. And to be totally honest,it is practice for what’s coming up in my new business venture and the blog,newsletters, articles, products, reports that I have committed to putting outthere for people to avail themselves of to improve their lives and their small businesses.

I’m already late in the game since the October issues are pouring in, but tostay true to my idea, I will start with my favorites in the September issues ofSelf, O, Prevention and Better Homes & Gardens. September is my mental new year, the timewhen I try to get clear on my intentions and take actions to move themforward. It’s my renewal time in away. I know that for many people Springis renewal, but Fall for me tends to be ‘buckle-down’ time, ‘get-productive-and-get-‘er-done’time, a relic of my school training and habits formed early on and drilled throughoutmy academic career.

I don’t think there’s anything in this month’s issues that says drink afteryou post on your blog, but I may start my own first tradition and pour somebubbly to celebrate. Cheers!!

Tini's & Tata's

2010-05-13T22:41:00.000-07:00

What should one do, say, when they've lost the equivalent of a small child in weight? When they now need some body-enhancing and spirit-enhancing feminine goodies? When it's been decided that The Girls need a boost? When one needs help walking through the ultimate intimidation of the House that super beautiful (and well-endowed) models built ... for the first time ever?

That's right ... one gathers 4 of her besties, sucks it up (literally) and heads to "Vicky's" (VS, Victoria's, whatever you call it). And it takes no less than 4 lovelies, people, plus the helpful sales assistant, to achieve the goal of walking out with the right stuff:

- The organizer to make sure the sales gal understands what stage of sizing we're at and to ask her to bring more to get the perfect fit (even if it's more than 20 different kinds)

- The caretaker/shopper to go out onto the floor and search for the perfect color and make suggestions once the perfect style is found

- The artist to make you try on the top contenders over and over, shirt off/shirt on, sizing up boobs-to-waist ratio and proper cleavage visuals

- The agent to adjust, perfect the fit, negotiate the look, represent the husband's perspective

Once the pretty pink bags were all filled, the next best thing is heading to the bar for GNO Martinis and some down and dirty girl talk.

Tini's & Tata's field trip = total success (especially the from the feedback on the homefront)

Thanks ladies!!!

My Crazy Heart is Distracting Me

2010-03-16T22:30:00.001-07:00

I don't know what it is lately, but I'm having feelings. The kind of feelings that are hard to describe in words, especially for me since I rarely let feelings get anywhere near me (except anger and impatience - those I'm real familiar with).

What do these feelings mean??? And am I supposed to be feeling this all the time? Usually I can name it, claim it and move on. Now even my dreams are manifesting weirdness, and you know how I love my dream world!!!

I feel anxious, almost like a worry, like I've forgotten something or need to fix something. But at the same time, it's an eager anxious, not ominous. What's that about?

I have butterflies in my stomach - but I'm not nervous. It's more anticipatory. But I have no clue what I'm anticipating. It's like I'm looking forward to something all the time ... just wish I knew what it was so that when it gets here I'll know to be ecstatic.

I get short of breath - not in a physical, heart-attacky way. Its just that I have to remind myself to breath, in and out, deeply, just to stay grounded. And alive.

I'm about ready to jump out of my skin more frequently. Like my need for speed and to just get going. My fantasies about getting a motorcycle are more frequent than ever and with summer coming up ... just don't be surprised if you see me heading for the hills on a Honda Shadow or something like it.

And my crazy heart is distracting me. My concentration is at times sharper and sometimes nowhere to be found. It's like someone is trying to pry my heart open with the jaws of life to get at something that I really can't fathom is there. It races (not in the hormones-gone-awry way), and flips and sometimes just hurts from whatever internal battles are raging in there. It feels strange, not bad, but definitely not usual for me.

But I'm also the most calm, clear and happy I've been in a long time. Never content mind you (I'm always looking for what's next), but I seem to be ready for something.

Could it also be that I've opened my heart to others, when it's been closed off for so long - a protective shield built way back in my childhood, finally breaking down to let other's hearts touch mine? One of my internal voices is telling me it's emotional suicide to make myself so vulnerable to others, yet another voice is rejoicing that I'm finally making true connections with my friends - old and new.

I'm good sitting with these feelings for a while, not ready to make them go away just yet. I'd have eaten them away in the past, but those bad habits are thankfully vanquished. They make me feel hopeful, connected to something bigger, able to give more of myself to others.

And maybe, just maybe, all of my recent self-reflection is guiding me finally to learning who I am and what I want in my life and that is the most exciting thing of all!

5 Ways To Find Happiness Today

2010-03-04T22:24:00.000-08:00

Funny - I realized in re-reading my blog posts that I rarely blog when I'm happy, just mostly when I'm overwhelmed. So I won't feel guilty about not blogging much in the last year - means I was mostly very happy. Friday is tomorrow and I thought a nice way to kick off the weekend would be to share 5 ways to get to happy!

1. Find time to get together with friends.
Nearly every weekend since before Christmas we have spent time with friends and/or family. The charge you get from spending time with people you truly like and love is an immediate happy booster. This is your open invitation to give us a holler - we'd love to see you. I think we get to spend time talking vacations with the Delano-Sprombergs Saturday night as well as celebrating J's end of basketball season with his longtime Shark team pals. I'm jazzed already!

2. Recall an achievement you made in the last 7 days and be proud.
No matter how small (if the dishes or the laundry got done at least once, that counts), accomplishments make us feel good about ourselves and give us a boost of energy and confidence that can last all day. I managed to get re-finance paperwork together for our broker AND I got our nice City inspector to sign off on our traffic control inspection for the work we're having done in our yard. She even commented that my drawings submitted with the permit app was better than most contractors. Well thank you VERY much!! Oh, and bonus for me, my dentist and dental hygienist both gave me huge kudos for flossing regularly and gave me an A+ for a beautiful set of pearly whites. See, it's the little things.

3. Recall something you learned in the last week.
Again, it doesn't have to be huge to have a beneficial impact. What's something you know now that you didn't know before? This week, I learned about excavating. I know, you can hardly contain your excitement. Me too!!!

4. Continue to work towards a goal, even if its one teeny tiny step.
Do at least one thing that will bring you one step closer to a goal you have. I think I have a date wtih Home Depot to start shopping for our house projects. Yay!!

5. Tickle your kids. And kiss your spouse/significant other/closest stranger on the street (Ok not the last one really unless you are really happy) for at least 60 seconds ... Deeply, passionately, continuously.
I cant wait for tomorrow already!!!

Have a happy Friday all!

You Know You've Found Your Way When ...

2010-01-11T22:24:00.000-08:00

...You can blog again! Was it just me or did 2009 fly by? It was quite the year, but one accomplishment in particular - and still in the works - has me celebrating and was a big part of what I spent time on in the last quarter of the year.

I was determined once and for all to stop the weight gain madness and get healthy. I was starting to worry more about being an invalid in my retirement, which isn't all that far away nowadays. I really didn't want to have the opportunity to stop work someday only to realize that I couldn't walk anywhere, play golf or swim in a pool. I didn't want my hard earned retirement savings to be eaten up by meds and dr appointments. I didn't want my kids to learn my bad habits and be tortured by their unhealthy habits and poor health because I wasn't disciplined enough to figure out how to be more healthy myself.

So I get to celebrate some today. I hope this is not my last celebration of this kind, but I am proud to have lost 28 lbs since October. It's not close to my goal, but it's that much closer and I am happy to have found a way to eat that is natural and healthy and that works for me. And I have hopefully imparted my family with some healthier eating habits as well along the way. Trips to the grocery store can take up to three times as long, but Mac and J are both reading labels - particularly if they would like me to buy something. More often than not, they will realize even before asking me that what they want isn't healthy and they will make the decision to forego said item. Doesn't always work (I didn't say they were perfect), but we've changed a lot about our habits that is making our clan happier all around.

I found my way by "bumping" into Jorge Cruise several times over the course of the year and after the third time I decided it wasn't a coincidence. I signed up for his online 12-week program and while his delivery needs help, I stuck with it. I had to invest time and money to make myself do it, but it worked for me and by eating low-sugar and low/healthy carbs I've been able to steadily get down 10lbs per month.

I know that weight loss blogs are boring, especially in January when everyone is being bombarded by resolutions, trips to the gym, and just trying to find the silver bullet to get this monkey off our backs once and for all, but I'm happy to "be back", grateful for all of you who kindly encouraged me to continue and didn't push those sugary lovelies at me for just a taste. I still have quite a ways to go, but I can confidently say I know how to get there and will keep working at it till I get there.

One Word, Two Words, 25 Things Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Me

2009-02-03T20:07:00.000-08:00

BEWARE SUPER LONG POST!!!
I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but just really trying to be efficient here. And to stop feeling guilty.

This will be overwhelming if you read it all, but with all the FB tags (I love reading all about everyone else, believe me!), I just needed to get this all out once and for all so I can stop feeling guilty about not tagging people back in a timely manner. Also, I tried to get all of this in Notes on FB and the stupid thing made me lose the entire notes at least 4 times. I should have quit after one, but I am nothing if not persistent. So read at your leisure ... or not. But I will be referring back to this next time I'm tagged. My alter ego Sarcastica may put in an answer or two, beware.

ONE WORD

1. Where is your cell phone?

2. Your significant other? loved

3. Your hair? pulled

4. Your mother? friend

5. Your father? which

6. Your favorite thing? dreams

7. Your dream last night? real

8. Your favorite drink? cosmo

9. Your dream/goal? independence

10. What room you are in? bedroom

11. Your hobby? parenting

12. Your fear? none

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? passionate

14. Where were you last night? meeting

16. Muffins? popyseed

17. Wish list item? lottery

18. Where you grew up? Switzerland

19. Last thing you did? dinner

20. What are you wearing? sweats

21. Your TV? off

22. Your pets? old

23. Friends? real

24. Your life? unfulfilled

25. Your mood? weary

26. Missing some one? no

27. Car? dirty

28. Something you're not wearing? bra

29. Your favorite store? none

30. Your favorite color? all

33. When is the last time you laughed? Sunday

34. Last time you cried? unknown

35. One place that I go to over and over? daycare

36. One person who emails me regularly? DailyCandy

37. My favorite place to eat? out

38. Why you participated in this survey? guilt

39. What are you doing tonight? work

TWO WORDS

No more than 2 words can be used...

1. Where is your cell phone? hopefully trash

2. Your significant other? best friend

3. Your hair? still attached

4. Your mother? spritual creative

5. Your father? have several

6. Your favorite thing? two kids

7. Your dream last night?always fabulous

8. Your favorite drink? lemon drop

9. Your dream/goal? total freedom

10. The room you’re in? master bedroom

11. Your ex? maybe dead

12. Your fear? dying unfulfilled

13. Your worst enemy? nope none

14. Where were you last night? basketball practice

15. What you’re not? proactively thoughtful

16. Muffins? if available

17. One of your wish list items? win lottery

18. Where you were born? Spokane WA

19. The last thing you did? cooked dinner

20. What are you wearing? comfy sweats

21. Your TV? not on

22. Your pet/pets? arthritic sweetheart

23. Your computer? Necessary evil

24. Your life? lacking passion

25. Your mood? anxiously weary

26. Missing someone? no one

27. Something you’re not wearing? warm socks

28. Favorite Store? anything scrapbooking

29. Your summer? favorite season

31. Your favorite color? love all

32. Last time you laughed? Movie theater

25 THINGS

1. I can't live far from the ocean

2. I love disco and I just decided that we were going to have Saturday Night Fever open houses once a month at our house

3. My first car was a '69 Fiat Spider convertible as a senior in High school - bright yellow - and people used to break into it (real easy) just to sit in it. Annoying, but no harm no foul.

4. I love to travel and go to other countries to learn about and experience other cultures - have been to over 20 countries so far

5. I have a real hard time with any person harming or killing another in the name of a deity. I actually think they are the epitome of ignorant and evil.

6. I'm fascinated by religious data and history and would love to know the truths, but even if I knew I would never be religious (rather I am spiritual)

7. I worry that my newish circle of friends will dissolve or stop including me once our kids don't go to the same school next year. They feed my soul.

8. My husband won't share his music with me

9. I really don't get technology at all. Can't get my family movies off mini DV's, have no patience to troubleshoot any problem, can't get my iPod to do what its supposed to do, haven't been able to get my company's web site up and running in two years, etc.

10. My kids amaze me; just watching their everyday comings and goings when they don't know I'm watching is amazing. The way she sticks her tongue out when she concentrates, the twist of his feet when he's getting candy, the happy hip hops down the hall ... its all quite joyful.

11. I hate do-overs. Never dated a boyfriend twice, hate having my work edited and given back to me, was dismayed when Juice turned out to be much like Mac - felt like a do-over at the time.
12. I have the worse time starting conversations with anyone - people I know and people I don't. I'm not great at chit chat conversations preferring in depth interactions.

13. I'm super interested in how others live their lives. Sorry if I ask really personal questions, but its how I learn new things for myself

14. I'd love to be a magazine editor

15. I have over 20 half started books & magazines by my bed

16. I love mid-century modern decor - actually I love watching HGTV's decorating shows, particularly Color Splash and Myles of Style. I wish someone would help me cause I'm seriously color challenged (as witnessed by our purple house - not intentionally that way)

17. I keep looking for my life's passion

18. I'm a risk taker even though it always pushes me out of my comfort zone

19. I have a thing about not wanting to eat the same thing twice in the same quarter, so I make dinner menus that are different for at least 90 days - I actually have 180 options to pick from or more - I love going through online recipes or cookbooks for things my family will like

20. I will write a book

21. I'm not very lucky but I will win the lottery someday

22. I'm not a fan of hot liquids - not coffee, tea, soups, and while I like hot chocolate, I like it lukewarm

23. My one regret is that I wish I'd done college differently

24. I worry about having enough money in retirement and living poor

25. I toured with a major R&B star in my early 20's

More About Me .. Me Me Me ... Yay Me!

What time did you get up this morning? 8:10a – Juice climbed over Myron and pushed me off the bed to get under the covers between us.

Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds – big ones if possible.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hotel for Dogs - quite funny

What is your favorite TV show? Can only watch one regularly off DVR – Heroes; but love the décor shows on HGTV if I get to indulge in more than 10 minutes at a time

What do you usually have for breakfast? Kashi cereal or toast

What is your middle name? Sue (mother’s name is Suzanne – could be after her but never asked)

What food do you dislike? Fruit (especially orange) on/in/with stuff like burgers, pizza, chicken, chocolate (only some fruit dipped in milk chocolate works); white asparagus; sweet pickles

What is your favorite CD at moment? I only have a couple in the queue in my car stereo – mostly Beatles, the original score to Hair; like everything on my iPod, but rarely have it with me and haven’t figured out how to move the library over to my laptop so I can add more songs (anyone feel free to offer to helpJ)

What kind of car do you drive? VW Passat (just hit the 100,000 mark!!!)

Favorite sandwich? BLTA, but love a really good tuna, egg salad or grilled cheese.

What characteristics do you despise? Lack of integrity

Favorite item of clothing? not a fan of anything I own at the moment

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? can't pick just one – Australia, Vermont in the winter (or Davos, Switzerland), Alaska cruise, China, Turkey, African safari, The Maldives. Anywhere with a nice pool in warm sun

Favorite brand of clothing? None – don’t even know what kinds of brands exist

Where would you retire to? Friday Harbor – San Juan Islands with a view of the Sound

What was your most memorable birthday? My 16th – my mom took me to London for some shopping and to see premier of Grease. By far my favorite birthday!

Favorite sport to watch? Baseball, finals of any sport, Olympics

Are you a morning person or a night person? Night

What is your shoe size? 11

Pets? 1 – Merlin, the 11 year old great Dane who is still hanging around

Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? We bought our first rental/investment property!

What did you want to be when you were little? I just wanted to survive

What is your favorite candy? Almond Joy

What is your favorite flower? Dahlias

What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? The day we get to decorate the house for the holidays as a family

What are you listening to right now? The news on TV, the kids swiftering the playroom and bickering about who gets to do what, Myron trying to get them to stop and the dog barking

What was the last thing you ate? French Dip, fritos, grapes

Do you wish on stars? Absolutely

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Don’t know any of those colors and could never pick just one

How is the weather right now? Freezing!

The first person you spoke to on the phone today? My mom

Favorite soft drink? Diet Coke

Favorite restaurant? Met Grill, Seattle

Real hair color ? Dirty Blonde

What was your favorite toy as a child? Books, Chinese jump rope and 2 friends (to hold it); my records

Summer or winter? Summer!

Hugs or kisses? Kisses

Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla

Coffee or tea? neither – don’t drink hot beverages much although I love a good hot chocolate as long as it's only lukewarm

When was the last time you cried? It’s actually been a little while. I tear up at the drop of a hat, so likely I did that 10 times today, 20 yesterday, etc, but haven’t had time to cry much lately

What is under your bed? I’m not even going to look – the things I know for sure are my stash of my very own tool box that no one is allowed to touch but me, a storage bin with shoes and lots and lots of dust and dog hair I’m sure. Could be other stuff, but ‘m not willing to look otherwise I will feel compelled to clean it out and I don’t feel like doing that today

What did you do last night? Went to see The Drowsy Chaperone at the 5th Ave – great show!

What are you afraid of? I try not to spend any time being afraid of anything – very unproductive
Salty or sweet? both... and together!

How many keys on your key ring? 6-7 I think

How many years at your current t job? 2

Favorite day of the week? Saturday or Sunday whichever has the least chores to do

How many cities have you lived in? 6

Do you make friends easily? No – I’m shy and not prone to talking first; but once I do make friends they are friends for life

Then (High School Senior Year) and Now - Share!

1. Did you date someone from your school?

No. I was too mature and too cool to date those "boys."

2. Did you marry someone from your high school?

No. Married in my 30's to someone not from my school

3. Did you carpool to school?

No.

4. What kind of car did you have?

'69 Fiat Spider convertible

5. What kind of car do you have now?

2000 VW Passat

6. It's Friday night ... where are you? (then)

Sneaking into a club with fake ID

7. It's Friday night ... where are you? (now)

At home in my jammies

8. What kind of job did you have in high school?

Cashier, Jack In The Box

9. What kind of job do you do now?

Director of Operations, Meetings industry

10. Were you a party animal?

I went to parties, but was the sensible one

11. Were you considered a flirt?

Not in high school - learned that skill in college

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?

No, came into high school from another country as a senior so had not idea there were these kinds of things

13. Were you a nerd?

I was a good student, but not considered a nerd

14. Did you get suspended or expelled?

Never

15. Can you sing the fight song?

Definitely not

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)?

Teachers were the enemy, by my Chem teacher (can't remember her name) was really caring and the english teachers were both cute to look at

17. Where did you sit during lunch?

Cafeteria or outside

18. What was your school mascot?

Kangaroo (you heard me ... now stop snickering)

19. If you could go back and do it again, would you?

Only if circumstances were different (coming into High School before my Senior year) then maybe.

20. Did you have fun at prom?

I think so. I was glas to have been asked

21. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with?

Never saw him after graduation. I think he moved back to Japan and became a doctor

22. Are you planning on going to your next reunion?

Nope - didn't know anyone then and don't know anyone now (except for Linda who found me on FB recently)

23. Do you still talk to people from school?

No - see answer above.

OK - I'm done now!

Wish I Was Her

2009-01-09T00:11:00.000-08:00

This beautiful girl-child of mine has gifts I couldn't even dream of having when I was her age. I don't even have as many now!

Parent-teacher conferences tonight and she was invited to participate. The main reason is that the teachers wanted her to set new goals for next trimester. She voluntarily pushed past her comfort zone setting high standards for herself and believing that they are achievable. And I know she will bust her buns to achieve them, too. She was said to be helpful to the teachers and to her friends, often helping her classmates through their difficulties after finishing her own work early. She has good time management skills, leadership skills, social and academic skills. And if you've been around, you know she can sing, too!

All of this I know about her, but to hear it from others is a bonus. It makes me proud of her and after her conference, I told her so. And she hit me with what makes her so gifted in my eyes ... she said "I'm proud if myself too, Mom!"

I wish I was her.

My Utopia

2009-01-05T22:40:00.000-08:00

Every year, I try to spend some time on figuring out resolutions. So far, this year I haven't spent but a few moments before passing out in bed in the early morning hours thinking of what I want this coming year. I am a night owl and time off at the holidays was perfect for my indulgences in getting some family business organized (doesn't budgeting and your annual financial analysis just really do it for you, too?!?!?!?) and massive channel surfing so 10 minutes of pre-sleep list-making doesn't make for very strong resolutions.

The usual suspects make this year's list, as they have every year:
- Get healthy, lose weight (to get healthy)
- Spend more time with friends and family
- Get our home organized, re-do Julian's room
- Figure out how to win the lottery, or at least how to do better at spending and making money
- Not just think of myself first (although I don't really know how to do that) but to actually do something that will be good for my mind, body and spirit.

I'd love to get whiter teeth, download nine years of mini DV's onto DVD's and figure out how to move my iTunes library to my laptop (if anyone knows how to do either, please please PLEASE HELP), make a family 2008 photo album, and read all 25 books that I've started and are all on the floor by my bed. I also don't want to buy anything that we don't need, use or love and would like Myron to follow that philosophy, too. If we accumulate much more stuff in our house or in our garage I may go postal!

More sex, less yelling at the kids; more time playing, less trying to figure out what's for lunch/dinner; more sun, less rain (oh right, that one's out of my control).

I'd like to know how to make one or two favorite drinks and meals perfectly, understand how to read my investment account statements (are those dashes in front of the number normal???), and stop feeling guilty about the damage I'm doing to my kids by letting them watch so much TV.

I can go on and on, but the little dreams I have that fill my heart with longing is a utopia that will likely remain a dream:

Living in a community development with my close friends as neighbors in a beautiful area overlooking the Sound with good schools nearby. Custom built buildings including communal kid playroom/adult playroom, hobby room, sports courts and pool and outdor kitchen with fun/sparkling lights strung across the courtyard. Earning a living by doing something creative that everyone in the world can't live without. Holiday craft parties and cookie baking sessions, summer plays and concerts - performed by all who live there - and lots of pool parties, friendly contests and competitions, watching each other's kids on date nights out and late night brainstorming sessions on how to be of service to the world (and actually following through on the ideas). In this world, no such thing as limited money, resources or time. No conflicts, only days filled with joy and laughter. There would always be enough room for new friends to join and nothing but love, love, love!

Yep, that's my utopia.

And I've masterfully managed to make it one more day without having to figure out my plan for not eating my MIL's delicious homemade peanut brittle in the pantry (once that's gone there's still holiday cookies and chocolate that beckons) while sizing up international dance champions, catching up on BET's top 25 breakups of all time, getting the gist of the new "beauty is more than skin deep" reality show by watching only 6.5 non-consecutive minutes including the elimination, weighing in on what house to buy on HGTV show, entering the HGTV's Dream Home contest, watching the news (what is the Governor up to, anyway?) and blogging. Yep - it took me 1.5 hours to write this!

Tomorrow ... that's when I'll make that health/fitness/diet plan. For sure!

A Moment of Reflection on Being Thankful

2008-11-27T12:38:00.000-08:00

I love having a holiday to reflect on all the things I've been thankful for all year. Here's what I gave thanks to since last Thanksgiving:

FAMILY
We spent more time with family this year, just like we wanted. Winter wonderland in Chelan - sledding, visiting, roasting hot dogs in the fire pit in the snow, making igloos, hanging with cousins, brothers, sisters and parents. We added new family members (Ali's first Christmas this year!). Camping, giant pumpkin weigh offs and our traditional Chrsitmas Eve made this year so fun. We lost family too last year and will remember Curtis and Greg fondly each holiday season. My nuclear family is so special and I am so thankful for Myron, McKenna and Julian. They are healthy and happy and smart and talented and I love them so very much.

FRIENDS
We also made a point to spend more time with friends and those times were the highlight of our year. Even the most casual get togethers, GNO's, coffee dates, special occasions fed my soul. At the top of my New Year's resolutions list is to get with friends even more in 2009! I am so grateful for all our friends and cherish you all.

PETS
Merlin is almost 11! While his hips are pretty arthritic and painful, he is such a trooper and is otherwise healthy. How wonderful that he is here for yet one more Holiday season. One more season of wearing funny antler head gear while we trim the tree. One more season of a big fat rawhide bone from santa in his very own stocking.

WORK
I could not have asked for a better work environment this year. The RealTime team is such a fabulous team and group of people and even the customers were pretty good. The work is challenging and we had the best year ever. I worked hard but feel like I've contributed and that's what makes my work feel worthwhile.

VOLUNTEER WORK
As much as I complained this year about how overwhelmed and overextended I've been, I am grateful for all the learning and connections I made this last year. I now know where my limits are and that passion cannot be substituted. I know that I must feel connected to the cause I'm representing in order to make a difference and at least feel like I make a difference.

OPPORTUNITY
We finally reached one goal of ours - to expand our investment portfolio by buying an investment rental property. An opportunity to learn more about investing in this area and trying to secure an adequate retirement or college funding. I am grateful that we have the opportunity to do this, that for all the doom and gloom going on that we still can try to reach for that American Dream and see where it takes us. We are grateful for all our opportunities!

VACATIONS
If you know me, you know I LOVE vacations. As we've been blessed to have taken some wonderful trips this last year: Disneyland, Cannon Beach, Mt Rainier, Silverwood. We had so much fun this year and being able to spend my free time with my family is what I look forward in my life most.

THE OBVIOUS
Health, we have enough of the things we need, we give and receive tons of love ... we are truly blessed and I am so thankful for all that I have.

I hope you are as blessed as I am and I wish everyone to have a peaceful, joyful and sparkly Holiday Season.

They Look Like Us

2008-11-07T15:38:00.000-08:00

Along with many of you, we watch and high fived and kissed and hooted with joy on the historic night of Nov 4th 2008. Obama standing at the podium, giving his speech, is one of those moments that you wll look back on and know what you were doing and who you were with.

My kids were allowed to stay up late and watch, but the whole thing was just too much for Juice. He peacefully drifted off to Obama's words between Myron and I on the couch. Mac however, was glued to the TV, and was asking all the right questions and serving up her own opinions on McCain and especially Palin. Grown up opinions I might add. Sounds like she's been listening to a bit of Air America in dad's car?!?

But all of us were accutely aware of the significance of the moment and for my kids especially, to never know that there are barriers to doing whatever they want because of the color of their skin is incredible for me to witness and know. When Myron and I married our parents were each skeptical that it would bring us happiness or that our children would be treated properly in this world. Myron and I also worried some that they might have to face difficulties because of their ethnicity. But this brings us hope and the belief that in this new day, as small of an issue as it is, that having someone who looks like them in the highest position in the land, and possibly the world, will break down even more barriers and prejudices and allow them to thrive and make their way, like everyone else.

McKenna remarked: "Those girls are so lucky - they get to live in the white house!" and to her, knowing nothing else, it seems like the most natural thing. But Myron and I, with tears in our eyes, didn't realize that the image of the First Family being white and older was so etched in our patriotic consciousness that it's almost hard to comprehend the new look of our leadership.

The hard work now starts. We also realize how much we are going to be asked to sacrifice and that we must help put this country back together. If we believed in Obama's ideals so fervently, then it's time to walk the walk. Hope to see you all along that road!

Please - Let This End (My Way)

2008-10-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

I'm usually patient about politics. There's really no need to worry - I know I can't know results before election day, so I vote and wait patiently for results on the 6pm news every election day. This year, it's excrutiating! I feel like I'm the one running, Begging for this this end, but to end my way. I really feel anxious for the results and I just WANT TO KNOW! TODAY!

I really want Barrack Obama to win this thing. I hated that W was allowed into the WH a second term (actually also the 1st term to tell the truth) and wondered many times how ridiculously idiotic my fellow voters could be. But overall, I was resolved. Disappointed, but I moved on. This time, it's more. It feels like a life and death decision and people choosing the Republican ticket are choosing the death of America and what I stand for. This time I feel personally attacked when right wing politicians tell me that because I am liberal I am anti-American, a terrorist lover, and that my views are evil.

I know I cannot change anyone's view and yes - it is frustrating - but at the very least I don't go around bashing people who don't see things the same as I do. I don't think they should be eradicated from the earth and sent to hell. I don't bash their religious beliefs, spew bigotry or racial hatred, and I would NEVER NEVER hate anyone who had different ideas. I may not agree with those ideas, but to hate someone because they did? Just plain crazy.

And that's where things are headed - full on towards crazy. Americans hating Americans because we have different ideas on what's best for our country. Having to define ourselves by man-made political parties and being stereotyped because of a leaning affiliation. It's hard to see where this all starts and where it can end. We are giving up our power to make things right by subscribing to doctrine instead of listening and learning and following common sense.

Anyway, I really just want to see the end of the day November 4th and at the end of that day I want a win for Obama, whatever you think he stands for. I have my own reasons and hopes and ideas on what that would mean for my country and for my community and for my family. And I actually pray when I see polls and new stories about where the candidates stand that people will come to their senses and vote for Hope.

Crazy Week

2008-10-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

Furnace pump went out - $300

Dishwasher motor died - $300

New rental house inspection results - $18000 in repairs and we don't even own the house yet

So frazzled that going to the bathroom today I searched for the button to my pants, wondering if I'd put them on backwards, only to realize I was pulling my pants out far enough and that they were ELASTIC waistband.

Will I make it to the other side of November?!?

Living in the Twilight Zone

2008-10-12T23:56:00.000-07:00

OK - officially, today's been kooky. Couldn't quite get stuff done on time so kids raised themselves today (mostly watching TV), ended up eating dinner with the family at 8:30 pm tonight, dishwasher decided to not wash, the furnace is going nuts even though we turned it off, the new curtain rods for the office really don't work, Myron and I are still working on house stuff and it's almost midnight, I'm posting cause I had to get on email and answer people back who wrote me earlier in the week and it's all starting over tomorrow.

I'm already wishing it was a weekend!!!

Can I Take It Back?

2008-10-01T23:10:00.000-07:00

Last winter it sounded like the best idea in the world. Today, I couldn't think of anything worse! But it's out there, and I don't think I can take it back without a fight I frankly don't have the energy for.

Last spring, I found out that I would be traveling to LA for a business trip end of this month (Oct). I thought "How perfect! I can fly the family down after my meeting and we can go to Disneyland!!" Like I said, it sounded great then.

Now it's time to make the final arrangements, pay the dough, pack and go and really - it sounds like torture. I'm the one who makes all the travel arrangements and who plans all of our trips. I'm over it. I also know that we just bought a duplex and made an offer on a 4-plex. What's another $3000 for Disney compared to half a mil in real estate?!? Let me tell you - we could use that dough to bail ourselves out cause I happen to know the government is a little strapped right now.

So Myron actually came up with a brilliant plan - I could still take the time off, we could do Halloween stuff and trick-or-treating here and then head south to the Great Wolf Lodge and spend two whole days in the water park there. Cost would be 1/10 of Disney, our kids love the water and it could be something totally new. Well, they didn't go for it. I'd been hyping this trip up all year and now they are hangin' on tight to the Dream.

"Wasn't Silverwood, the Puyallup Fair, Remlinger Farms and all the other times we went on rides this year enough???"

"Nope - Disney is the funnest."

"But we could do trick or treating here and get lots of candy - your favorite!"

"Well, we have leftover candy anyway and you always buy more."

"Disney is expensive - we could save money and have fun in the water."

"You can work more to get more money."

I stopped there cause I was about to have a breakdown.

So I think we're off the Disney at the end of the month. Just wish I could take it back!

The Worry List

2008-09-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

I tried my best to keep this at bay, but I knew the day after Labor Day it wasn't going to be too long. The "worry list" is back and in full force. I'm not going to dwell on this - I want it all to go away - but the insidious thing about this list is that I don't purposefully make it up and it's the one that keeps playing over and over in my head. So I've decided to write it all down and get on with things, 'cause I don't want to waste my time worrying any more!

1. Merlin - he has taken a big turn for the worse this weekend. He fell down the cement stairs and is having a really hard time walking. He wouldn't get up for several hours yesterday afternoon and there's no way Myron and I can pick up this 170 lb critter and carry him in and out of the house when necessary. Lots of tears by everyone because it is obvious his back legs are not working well and won't be getting better! He's headed for the vet tomorrow to get a professional opinion on whether anything can be done to strengthen his legs and lessen the pain. And I had the very unpleasant task of having to explain to McKenna what would happen if he can't walk on his own. She was the one who didn't mince words when we talked about putting him "to sleep" - she said "You mean we have to kill him?!?" and then went histerical on me. Talk about getting your heart ripped out twice ... once by the dog and once by your daughter who loves the dog more than anything.

2. Julian - just informed me tonight that his teacher told him he couldn't go on his first skating field trip tomorrow and he was histerical. He couldn't remember why and we didn't get a note and now I'm mad at the teachers for not telling me so that I wouldn't rub it in for Juice and furthermore help re-direct whatever behavior caused this to happen. So I have to have a conversation with the teachers tomorrow and I really hate that.

3. I am not prepared for a meeting/presentation I have tomorrow in front of the Shoreline City Council. I was asked to chair the committee I am on and I just haven't had the time this weekend to go over the report or the PPT and I need to give the Council a report on finances at 8pm tomorrow night! Finances is not a topic I can really pull out of my a**. This one I need to be prepared for, so lunchtime cramming is in order for me tomorrow.

4. Work is absolutely insane for the next few weeks. All day meetings, sales calls, one huge project to supervise and travel to, projects that I was supposed to have done by my anniversary date in order to achieve my bonus that aren't done, someone quit and someone didn't come back from maternity so need to fill 2 positions (it took me nearly 6 months to find the perfect people last time), trying to get more business to fill in 2009 - it's looking too light right now, etc, etc. Lots of pressure!

5. Money - Myron's work has slowed down and we committed to a Disneyland vacation end of October. And we have 2 offers on duplexes in Everett. And Julian's tuition increased. And we have kid activities costs to pay. And the markets aren't doing very well so investments are sucking air. When is that lottery strategy going to pay off???

6. House projects - we are STILL working on Mac's room and we have to do something with Juice's room. He is still in his toddler bed touching head to toe! Our living room has been a complete disaster for months and I'm about ready to start a bonfire in the middle. Myron got super motivated to get part of the garage cleared out (we can't put the trailer in anymore and need to for the winter) so I put a bunch of stuff up on craigslist and I've had other people calling my schedule shots this weekend and now I'm behind on regular chores. Just making my weekday life so much more challenging.

7. Family time - the more things are on the to do list, the less time I have for anyone because the siren call is to get stuff off the list. And the more on the list the more gets put on the list - it's a vicious circle. So the kids get no time with me at all, ergo my ingorance about the skating thing. Can you say GUILT!?!

8. I'm overextended again so all my volunteer efforts are only getting part of my focus. SLU Chamber, City of Shoreline, Syre PTA and now PCMA ... it's all coming together at once and I'm getting nothing done 100%. And of course I have solid justification for each one and I turned down 2 other recent requests so it's not all about the NO. Just need to juggle faster for a while.

9. Health - I finally made an appointment with OB and mammogram and they asked if I'd been anywhere else to get my exams done because it's been since early 2006 that I've been in. Well ... truth be told, in 2006 I weighed a bunch less and really don't want to hear my doc talk about my weight again. Now I'm going to worry that I've put myself in jeopardy by waiting this long for my annual exams.

This is really depressing and sorry if you actually are reading this. Now I've made you feel all yucky!

The things I am grateful for:

1. This gorgeous weather. It's part of the reason for my craziness because it makes me want to accomplish as much as possible before rain comes when I won't feel like doing a thing but have to. At least now I want to get things done ... I just don't have a lot of time.

2. My kids are doing realatively well in school and like it (for the most part). They are healthy and I don't think I'm damaging them beyond repair yet.

3. We are back as season ticket holders to the 5th Ave (I know - I'm contradicting the money worry, but we bought these early in the year when things were really going well!). We saw Shrek, the Musical and it was super fun. The rest of the shows are fantastic and I can look forward to dates with my hubby every other month or so.

4. Things are fine - it's just my brain that's the issue.

I'm trying not to wish my life away, but I'm looking forward to being on the other side of this!

The Unofficial New Year

2008-09-09T21:22:00.000-07:00

It's the second most stressful day of my year ... the first day of school. Not really for what it is, but what it signifies. It's the 2nd "New Year's Day" - the day when I expect that everything on my to do list will be done and I will have a fresh start. But just like the real deal - it never happens that way. As a matter of fact, just the opposite. So I'm back to my crazy life and nothing has changed for me.

I wish that it was my first day of school, but that I knew everything I know today. Mac started 3rd and Juice is a big Kindergartner! Next year they will both be in the same school and frankly I can't wait. Here they are with great big happy smiles on their first day - they are excited at the new adventures this year will bring and I envy their innocence and giddy excitment.

Juice is the 'poser'. I think he might actually do really well in modeling this year, but he wants to do Tae Kwon Do and basketball.

Mac can't wait to see her best friends - it's been a whole two weeks since they last saw each other after all.

So here's to childhood and their fresh starts. I won't ruin it for them with what real life will be like in 30 years or so!

Oh Where Oh Where Did It Go?

2008-08-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

I hate to even say it out loud, but where did the summer go? I know, it's not yet the end, but it's really close. Next week we leave for our last vacation before school starts, which is only a few weeks away. We haven't done all that much this summer, but have tried to make the most of the time. We've seen friends a bit more often, tried to finish some house projects while we can still keep doors and windows open to ar out paint fumes, we finally bought outdoor chairs and an umbrella and have eaten dinners al fresco as much as possible (and as often as McKenna can stand being out there with spiders and flies).

The kids have been super busy with camps - Mac has experienced Hip Hop, Karate, Geocaching, Kayaking, Jump Rope, Cheer, Song Writing and Theater; Juice has been taking swim lessons every day for 6 weeks and is doing so well - so I know they are having a blast! And they get to stay up late watching the Olympics, so that's a big bonus!

I have been sticking with my workout plan in spite of how yucky it is to wake up early and sweat in front of other people, but I still go to the gym as often as possible. Not that it's been making all that much of a difference because we eat really terribly during the summer - hamburgers, hot dogs, etc. Whatever!

Even though this summer has been going by so quickly, it has been one of the better summers in the last several. I've been lucky enough to have been given a bit more freedom at work to make a difference in getting things done at home and that's been really great. And the kids are a bit more independent and have had their own fun, not expecting me to be the entertainer 24/7. I am really sad this is coming to an end and will be waiting for next spring/summer already.

"Nomore-ste"

2008-07-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

Three days. That's all it's been. Just three days! My legs hurt, my back hurts, my arms hurt, the knot in my shoulder blades is the size of Texas ... I remember now why I hate to exercise! It really doesn't feel good. I know, I know - it will. That is once I get down to a size 4, right?!? Because right now, it's horrifying.

I have to drop the kids off at summer camp at 8:15 am for swim lessons, so I figured that I had no excuse for not getting into the gym right next door for at least 30 minutes. Couldn't be that bad after all. Oh, but it can!

First I had to make it past the desk where young boy trainers think being cutesy and condescending will make me feel better. They tell inside jokes amongst each other, sing to the music when you're talking to them and then tell you you should have a fitness evaluation (which really means they want to sell their training services. Not in the budget, dudes! Sorry.)

I forgot that there are mirrors everwhere. You CANNOT escape looking at yourself, unless you look at other people and then you feel self-conscious because they'll look back at you and the whole point is to not have them look at you in your body's current state so you have no choice but to stare at yourself and the little voice you so adeptly got to finally shut up about your weight years ago (I didn't get this way overnight) is back yapping loudly in your head about your lack of self control, lack of commitment to health, how unattractive you are (and that HOT Mom comment from your 5 year old son a couple of weeks ago isn't going to make you feel better now).

I tried the elliptical. What a joke! Everyone says they love that machine. "It's great", "I hope there are machines open when I get to my gym tonight", "I can read a magazine, listen to my iPod, do my nails on that thing and still get a great workout", etc. Well, let me tell you. My thighs were barking about 45 seconds into that thing. I decided that I was doing it wrong, it couldn't possibly hurt that badly the minute I got on. But no. It is an evil machine! I went into the gym on Monday resolved to do 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical. I barely made it 5 minutes and took the trainer's advice and gladly went to the weights instead. I did go back on it for 5 minutes at the end of my weight segment and could barely walk yesterday and today.

But I did decide that I was going to stick with it and have been back to the gym each day of this week so far. I couldn't bear to get on the "devil machine" today so I got on the bike for some cardio and thought I was doing relatively well until an older lady got onto the bike next to me, pedaled for only 10 minutes to my 20 and when I shot a glance at her workout summary (I know - you're not supposed to do that), she'd logged a full mile more than me and burned more calories. I could have sworn she was only on level 2 and I did the random with some level 6 in there ... wha??? Arghhh!

To top things off, I signed up for yoga with a couple of girlfriends. I have never done moe than 5 yoga sessions in my life, but here I am signed up for Level 2 yoga with Juice's tap teacher who is in amazing physical shape. We signed up for her class because we like her and know her and she assured us that we could go at our own pace. I'm sure she wasn't thinking that would include a full stop of activity every 5 minutes to catch my breath, uncramp my legs and feet and wipe the torrents of sweat from my face. I missed the first 2 sessions and my friends couldn't make it tonight. I was disappointed at first - after all K convince me it would be fun AND good for me and I thought C and I would be able to have some laughs at our own expense. But it was probably a good thing that they weren't there to witness the disaster. I pondered what to wear -large baggy t-shirt that would cover the bulges but possibly flip over my head and reveal naked flesh, or the tighter workout shirt that hugged me a bit closer, would not show anything fleshy first hand but clearly delineated every bump and bulge. I opted for the tighter shirt, but again the mirrors would taunt me. I could pass for being 7 months pregnant! I sat on the mat, cross legged and almost laughed out loud ... I looked like an overflowing mass of goo. There was so much flesh and blubber around my middle that I couldn't bend over or twist, and my boobs were constantly in my own face in spite of the well-fitted sports bra I bought. The down dog is a cruel punishment for my wrists - my ankles are used to the weight but my wrists were screaming "hey you idiot, we're not meant to carry you around. Stop now!" And I did - I only could follow the teacher's moves 1/2 of the time.

At the end of the session, we did OM and say Namaste, but my whole body was crying "NoMore-ste, please!"

It's tempting to quit, but I will see this through. I seriously hope I can stick with it this time and maybe next year, I will be able to do an eagle pose or crow or pigeon even - yeah, I'd be fine with the pigeon!

Again With The Memory

2008-06-28T00:06:00.001-07:00

This time it's a trip down memory lane. I had lunch today with an ex employee of mine who has moved to Texas, unfortunately divorced (husband was gay), is changing jobs, has three kids (two are same ages as mine) and who still keeps in touch with a few of the old group. It was nice to see her, get caught up on what people were doing , get contact info for a few that I hopefully will remember to reach out to next month and just gab about old times and new in general. All of a sudden I did start remembering people and their names, things we did, etc.

Another of my ex employees dropped her daughter off to babysit Juice tonight while Myron's at work late and I headed off the a work dinner. We had a minute to catch up on some gossip. And I even knew what she was talking about. We made a point of exchanging good dates to get together and hopefully we'll see them in a couple of weeks. And I'll probably start remembering more.

I also had dinner with my management team at 0/8 Seafood Grill in Bellevue. Well let me tell you - I had no idea so much was happening on Friday nights. Doesn't everyone go home, eat pizza and pass out on Fridays? Apparently not - streets were full of cars, people were dressed up and listening to live music, and having fun. Right - I remember those days now, too.

So maybe it's not my memory that's the problem but a lack of time and contact with people to be remembering. I guess it's a habit. Or a lifestyle. Or it's just time to be making new memories.

Memories and Memory

2008-06-22T23:47:00.000-07:00

This one is a really hard lesson. I am so, so sad and so mad! Somehow, we accidentally taped over Mac's Talent Show performance. I wanted to show my mom who is in town to pick up Mac for a week long summer vacation in Chelan and as I rewound the tape and played it only to see several other Talent Show acts and then Julian's tap rehearsal, I knew and I cried.

And I ranted and paced and cried more. For me, it's much more than one talent show that we somehow just won't have video tape for. It's about:

1. Knowing that my memory is truly not good. And I don't mean in a general "can't remember some details" way, but really major things I really cannot remember. Names of past boyfriends, people I worked with for several years, jobs I did, places I've visited, things I've done. Without visual or written evidence, I truly would not remember. Big events I worked on and clients I've worked with? Long gone from my mental databank. What the kids looked like or sounded like when they were younger? Not even a little. I've know this for a while, and I need to write things down, take pictures and videos so that I can preserve in some way these memories and review them, because I know that my mind will not retain it. Gone from video, gone from memory!

2. I HATE - I really mean HATE - when stupid stuff like this happens. I don't know that it was or wasn't my fault, but in general, because I am the type A, linear, routine person in our family, I am typically not the one who would rewind the tape and leave it there to be taped over accidentally. So my anger is partly directed to my spouse, who is typically the person who handles the camera tape and is known for random accidental acts and to myself because I could have done it and I'm the one who taped over it for sure because I was at Julian's tap, not him. GUILT, GUILT, GUILT!!!

3. I have been so frustrated by our camera for a while and it's not lost on me that we've spent money and time in the last week trying to figure out how to get our video off of mini DV's and onto a viewable media that we can play on our TV. But since "we" lost the cable for transfering the video to computer within 4 weeks of getting the camera nearly 9 years ago, we've NEVER been able to see our videos other than playbak on our tiny camera screen. The camera works fine and I hate waste, so it's not been a priority to get a new camera/toy. Now I wish I had upgraded and this might never have happened AND we could possibly see our videos. I still can't see them!

4. I now realize how many tapes I won't be able to find. I have a place where I put the tapes when I change them, but he doesn't. They could be anywhere! After all I often find milk in the pantry and candles in the fridge. Tapes?!? Not confident about their location at all. And now I'm unbelievably anxious to get the tapes together and know what's missing cause I will fret everyday until I know. I will feel an underlying anxiety all day, every day for weeks or months until I get finally get a handle on the facts. That's my crazy brain and I can't turn it off.

5. And I am sad and mad because Mac worked so hard and did so well and in that moment of performing for her whole school, she showed confidence and poise and talent. I wanted her to be able to remember that, to be able to go back to that moment whenever she felt nervous or lacked confidence in her ability to accomplish something difficult and be able to recall those feelings and push forward to her goals. And I was proud of her and she was proud of herself and I wanted her to know both of those things forever.

I've done the only thing I can think of right now and so I've emailed a couple of people at the school to see if they taped the show or knew of anyone who taped it. I can only hope and cross my fingers that someone, somewhere, has a tape and will share it with us.

In the meantime, this one will be so hard to get over.

I LOVE Cruising!

2008-06-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

This is the ship I definitely want to go on! Wonder how much we are going to have to save to travel on this beast. But it is so cool. Ah......someday.......

Postcard From the Ordinary: No Supermom Here

2008-06-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

OK - It's this kind fo media reporting and real life crap that just pushes me over the edge ... Supermom of 1 year old sextuplets runs marathon ... Do the rest of us really need that kind of pressure?

I already feel inadequate and guilty about whatever I am doing, or not. I am obviously a slacker and complainer. No sorry, I haven't run a marathon. Actually I've been paying monthly gym dues for the last 11 years but haven't set foot in one for the last 9 (the gyms have changed names twice but we have a great deal!) Six kids? Nope - have two too many on many days (I only have 2). Support system? Oh yes, Grey (Goose) and Mike (Hard Lemonade) are always near to help me through.

Latest achievements ... can't really think of any off the top of my head which is about to explode with a gajillion to do's - none of which include any good ideas about how to get myself out of this hamster wheel of work at work, work at home routine.

So good for you, Supermom! You deserve your slice of happiness pie. Just try to keep it to yourself next time.

My Admirer

2008-06-18T19:46:00.000-07:00

I have an admirer. He is so handsome and just one look from him makes me melt. He's a bit shorter and younger, but he loves me just the way I am. And just yesterday, he climbed on the kitchen counter to sit next to me while I ate my cereal, put his arm around my shoulder, asked for a bite of my food and said "Mom, you are HOT! I love that blouse - great pattern and I like the colors, too! You are really hot!" Momentarily I thought I should vet out his TV shows more closely because I doubt that kind of language comes from his 5 yr old friends, but then again, if this is what I get, I'll take it. And I'll share my food with my adorable admirer any day.

Last Days Of School

2008-06-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know who is more excited about these last days of school - the kids or me! No other year has been more hectic, calendar busting, task list making, or busier than this without a break and I can truly say that I am so glad summer vacation is almost here. I am trying really hard to slow down and make the most of the next 10 weeks until school starts again ... but 10 weeks seems so short when spring weather hasn't even arrived yet!

Mac has 10 full weeks of summer camps - everything from Adventuring including Geocaching to Jump Rope Camp, Hip Hop Camp, Singing/Acting Camp, Karate Camp and Cheer Camp with some POM and swimming lessons sprinkled in there. Julian's summer will be at LFPM still, but he has graduated from Pre-school and is in the same class with the 5 year olds. He will have a good experience too with some time in Chelan with the grandparents and we have 2 weeks of camping vacation planned - Silverwood, ID and Cannon Beach, OR with a side trip to Ohanapecosh (Mt Rainier).

Still, I do wish that I had summer vacation too. 10 weeks of sun and fun, no responsibilities, being with friends and just goofing off sounds divine. My kids know they have it good ... Mac says all the time that she wants to stay a kid and that she doesn't want to grow up. I always wanted to grow up faster when I was young, but she knows she's lucky and that these are the good days.

And as usual, we really want to get outside more, get together with friends and just really chill out. Will this be the year we can do that? Will this be the year that I learn how to make a really mean Cosmo? Do I have it in me to keep the to do list at bay for 10 full weeks? How many laughs with friends can I get? We need to finish painting and re-doing the bedrooms on the main floor, but could that be the only project we do - and can we do it leisurely without pressure?!? We'll see I guess.

Here's to 10 weeks of trying to relax and have fun - maybe I can take a page from my kid's book, huh!

Moving - Really!

2008-06-06T23:18:00.000-07:00

Well not really really, but I swear, I'm really close. This insane weather is going to drive us all over the edge. So I have nothing more inspring to write about because I am going to be busy looking at California real estate - something with a pool!

Remembering My Favorite Things

2008-05-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

These last several weeks have been a mad rush of activity and travel and I can't believe it's almost the end of yet one more month!

I don't travel nearly as much for work anymore, so it was with very mixed emotions that I joined part of my team on a project in Fort Lauderdale FL mid-month. As I was driving down the freeway at 5am to catch a flight on a Monday morning, it took all I had not to turn my car around and stay home with my family. "They really don't need me down there - they are more than capable on their own ... I shouldn't be leaving the kids for that long - they need me more ... I REALLY don't want to fly on a plane today - it doesn't feel right ... I could still be sleeping! ... etc."

But as any professional does, I got to the airport, got through security, got on the plane and off I was to warmer climes. Last year I got my team all upset by getting into the program and jumping into decision-making mode. This year, I held back a bit, made sure that they prepared me with the details ahead of the event and so I was able to be more helpful, less "bossy". The program went off without a hitch and even though the days were long and busy, it was somewhat satisfying to be onsite at a successful event again.

But finally at the end of the program, I had my reward. I was able to spend a couple of hours at the beautiful hotel pool (Westin Diplomat is ocean side and I'd been waking up to the view of the ocean, the beach and the pool - as close as I'd get for the first three days). The weather was beautiful - 80 to 85 degrees and little humidity. I don't think I like anything more than hotel pools and sunshine. It's definitely top of my favorite things list.

So I made it poolside at 9:30am and stayed there until my wonderful friend Lisa would come and meet me. I read the paper (I haven't done that in years), drank juice, dipped in the pool every so often and basked in the sun. A minor issue - I forgot to bring sunscreen, and didn't think a few hours would be a big deal. I was in heaven and nothing was going to bring me down. Finally, Lisa arrived and my day was offically perfect! Lisa lives in South Florida and although we hadn't seen each other in nearly 8 years, we fell right into conversation as if we talked every day. We chatted a bit more by the pool and then it was time to check out and I was going to spend the night with my dear friend and her oldest daughter. I did notice that I'd burned a bit once I got into the hotel, but didn't realize how bad until later in the day.

I was able to share in their daily routine, eat some Cuban food, Katie (Lisa's daughter) had a Spring Performance at her school and I was able to see her sing and dance and I could see how she and McKenna would probably get along really well if they met. Lisa's husband Fred was at his job in Virginia but I was able to video conference with him to say hello and catch up and laugh at his goofy sense of humor. I remembered how much fun all four of us had when they lived here and I miss that so much. Lisa and I talked nearly non-stop for 24 hours and it was so much fun. All of a sudden, I didn't feel like going home.

And I remembered another of my favorite things - good friends. No matter where you are, when you last talked or saw each other or how much time has passed, true friends are easy to talk to, easy to be with and bring your spirits up.

I did eventually have to get back on a plane homebound and was relieved once on board to be making my way back to my family. One 'little' problem - I was totally and miserably burnt on my arms, legs and chest. Like 3rd degree burns I swear! At 44, one would think that I'd have more common sense and experience to know better, but I didn't and it was a PAINFUL reminder. NOT a favorite thing!! It took a full 5 days for the pain to subside and I look like a snake shedding its skin - it looks hideous!

In any case it was a nice reminder of the things I love and that I need to have more of in my life, somehow, someway.

Northwest Natives - Recognize Yourselves!

2008-05-07T22:51:00.000-07:00

My Dad sent this to me recently and it all rang so true ....

The Pacific Northwest According To Jeff Foxworthy

1. You know the state flower. (Mildew).
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
3. Use the statement 'sun break' and know what it means.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'WALK' signal.
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Tully's.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima and Willamette .
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
16. You are not fazed by Today's Forecast: "showers followed by rain," and Tomorrow's Forecast: "rain followed by showers."
17. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.
20. You notice, 'The mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.
22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
26. You measure distance in hours.
27. You often switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' in the same day.
28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk Season (Fall).
30. You actually understood these jokes and will probably forward them

Laughing Out Loud

2008-05-04T19:59:00.000-07:00

We went out for Chinese food last night. And just like many, we are going out less to cut expenses. We went to Chopsticks, a little place down by our house and we were the only ones in the place. It was a little late and the kids started whining to go home as soon as they were done eating, but we had a few bites left. So to up the ante, Mac started to complain about aches and pains. She finally said: "My neck nurts" (instead if my neck hurts). We started laughing and Mac, Myron and I started playing off the words, laughing a bunch after each one ...

"Do your teeth turt?"
"Do your fingers furt?"
"Do your legs lurt?"

Myron came up with "Does your butt burt?" which sent us all into a fit of really loud howling laughter. We would definitley have ticked off anyone else eating in the restaurant, so it was a good thing we were alone.

The kicker belonged to Julian though who really couldn't quite get the pattern and his final comeback was "Do you eyeballs suck?" We could have all peed our pants :-)

Bad Mom

2008-04-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

So Mac has temp of 102+ today and feels really, really bad. Can you say GUILT?!?

So so tired!

2008-04-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

I can't really explain it. Nothing more than the usual crazyness. But lately I have been so tired! It's sapping my energy and my creativity. I just can't believe it's end of April and all those things I wanted to have done before summer are nowhere near being started, let alone finished. I am living one giant, never-ending to do list.

And tonight I'm feeling a bit guilty! McKenna spent all day playing with her best friend but had to come home at 6p for her basketball game. She was so sad that her playdate had to end that she went to her room, went to bed, covered her head and sobbed for quite a while. But then she told me her head hurt and she was tired. I told her that she still needed to go to the game and I did wake her up just 15 minutes into her nap and we went to the game. She cried all the way there, which is unusual for her - she hates for other people to see her cry. But I felt it was important to be there for her team and because they had a two hour practice last night I wanted her to apply the drills she learned before she forgot them. She played well, her friend showed up for a few minutes to see her play which brightened her smile for a while, but on our way home, she was quiet.

As soon as we got home, she changed into her jammies, laid down on the couch, did not even eat any dinner and went to sleep. She now I know that she really didn't feel good and I still made her go to her game. Not my proudest moment:(

And it all still makes me so very tired!

Some Drama, Big Reward

2008-04-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

After days of hand-wringing, negotiating over song choices, looking for a costume (thankfully already appropriate in the mind of the wearer) - the big "Try Out" day came and McKenna made the Syre Elementary Talent Show!!

She settled on the Keke Palmer song "It's My Turn Now" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vao13M-NqJ8 (thanks K for steering both of us to a great alternative to Beyonce!), and a costume that includes everyday wear - a black plain t-shirt, red/black/white plaid skort and red tights.

This whole experience has been a bit dramatic and all for 1.5 minutes of 'fame'. She originally wanted to dance with her best friend to the Beyonce song "Irreplaceable" (see post below). When her friend backed out because her Mom encouraged her to focus on the ice skating dance routine and competition coming her way, McKenna was decidedly bummed. But she is persistent when she wants to do something and so she tried to recruit other friends, even announcing at one point that she was going to do a routine with her worst enemy - that's how badly she wanted to get in the talent show. When I pointed out that doing things with others would require compromise on songs, dance moves and practice time that was already disastrously short, she agreed that this year would be the year for her to do this on her own.

So a song was picked, the computer set to the YouTube video, the lyrics printed out, a CD made and the karaoke machine set up in the living room with space to dance and the speakers to hear it well. Practices were morning, noon and night ... before and after school and even her best friend helped her practice during recess. She learned the lyrics quickly and was able to belt out the whole thing on her own in just a couple of days. The dance moves came naturally and with the help of her entertainer dad, a performance was born.

The night before the try outs, her dad was working late and wasn't able to practice with her and motivate her most energetic self. She needs me for many things, but this time she really wanted and needed her dad. So fear and doubt set in and in a tearful confession she told me that she wasn't going to participate in the try outs. At this point, the pragmatic me set in and reminded her of all she accomplished in such short time, and of the time we've all put into helping her out. Of course I also tried to work in some confidence building and pumping up her self-esteem and after 15 minutes of discussion, she agreed to still consider the possibility. Next morning all was good and Myron promised he'd be there to cheer her on.

As luck would have it, one of his really good client's called for a gig that would not allow him to attend the try outs. I would have to be the one to tell her when I picked her up and walked her to the gym. I would rather have faced a pack of rabid wolves than have to tell her that bad news - I knew the horrible disappointment that she was going to be feeling. And I was afraid I wouldn't sound as empathetic as I would need to because Myron's work schedule also really messed up a super busy and stressful family schedule - Mac's POM class directly after try outs, Julian's baseball practice at 5 and then a Birds & Bees class for Myron and I that evening back at the school. Now all of this squarely on my shoulders. I put on my Supermom uniform and set off to do what I had to do (feeling guilty to be leaving work early with a pile of deadline projects on my desk and having to cancel my participation in the Finance Committee's regularly scheduled meeting).

I did manage to pick up Julian, stop at home for the costume, camera, water bottles, snacks and music, make it to the school on time to take her to the gym, call Myron on the cell and have her talk to him for a pep talk and turn the cell off to ward off last minute work calls. I had the camera at the ready for the big moment. She was nervous but sat with the rest of the girls and boys, listened to the directions and we watched a few people go through their try outs before Mac's name was finally called. She bravely gave them her music and then came over the me, crouched down and I heard those words: "Mom, I can't do this. I am too afraid. I really don't think I can do this." The teacher was calling for her to start and I had to come up with something to say. I reminded her that she worked really hard and that she was sure to make it if she did her best. That she would definitely NOT make it if she didn't try and to think of her dad being at the back of the room doing this with her. I also told her to do the Sharpay trick (High Shool Musical) which made her smile. She took a deep breath and walk to the middle of the gym. The music started, she struck her pose and went for it! She didn't freeze, she sang 'loud and proud" and when they thanked her the relief and pride was visible, SHE DID IT!!

I prompted her to ask the teacher when she would find out if she'd made it and she was told on the spot "Congratulations! You made it!" She was practically jumping out of her skin with excitement. And of course I was so proud of her, too. I know how much this will help her confidence. So look for video to be posted around May 30th to see how things actually turn out. I'm sure there will be more afraid moments in the next couple of weeks, but not nearly as strong. She set a goal, worked hard to make it good, followed through and achieved what she wanted. It's all good from here, right?!?

Help - Need Some Perspective

2008-04-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

OK Mom friends. I really need some perspective here. McKenna wants to enter the school talent show. And for that I'm thrilled. She's not generally one to want to be in the limelight, but she really feels she could do well and I want so badly to encourage this for her.

My dilemma - she wants to sing to Beyonce's Irreplaceable http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsQvXgCcng8 (she's never seen the video) and dance to the same song with her friend. I don't believe that she will survive the first audition, but I'm even wondering if I should let her try out. It's alright for her to sing and dance to our music choices at home, but I really need some perspective from you out there to tell me what you would think of a 7 year old singing this song to her elementary schoolmates. I really tried to get her to find another song, but this has been a favorite for a while, even though she really can't understand the concepts.

So please feel free to tell me like you see it. And if I should nix the idea, any suggestions on what to replace it with? Thanks!

I Won The Lottery!!! (my fantasy)

2008-04-07T23:26:00.000-07:00

I just won the lottery. It's a big one - multi millions! What a rush. I always thought I'd win something someday... my numbers just had to come up. I've been playing $2 every mega game for just over a year. And in all that time, I'd only won $6, so it was bound to happen.

First thing we did was to consult our financial advisor and then our lawyer. Who knew so many things needed to be figured out before any money is actually handed over. We want to make sure that we don't mess this up. We didn't go public - we don't want many things to change. We also don't need any long lost family or friends - or even close family or friends - to think of us any differently than before.

We started our own company. We are going to work as a family on creative projects, traveling to far away places and experiencing other cultures, other cities, other people. We are going to learn so much and live a life of giving.

I've already started that novel and can't wait to see it published. But I'm taking a sabbitical for a few months - maybe one year. I've splurged on some professional advisors - dietician/ nutritionist, personal trainer, landscape designer, remodel architect. I'm going to spend my days getting my house in order - clean out stuff we don't need and/or use, clean every nook and cranny, find all those things I've been looking for in the last several years. I'll be able to work out daily and get healthier. We'll get together with friends and family more often, go camping and ride bikes on weekends because the chores will all be done during the week. I'm going to be able to take the kids to all their activities and meet the parents of their friends. I will even be able to volunteer in the schools!

We are fulling funding our retirement - no more worries about money running out before our lives do. And the kid's college educations are secure - no more worries about having to get 2nd and 3rd mortgages to pay off student loans.

We have set up a foundation that gives back to our community and we are able to give so much more to organizations in need that we want to support more - the Red Cross, foster children, Center for Missing and Expolited Children, stem cell research, etc.

And yes, we did buy ourselves a couple of toys. Myron tricked out a studio with all the equipment and gear needed for really good production. McKenna and Julian chose to get horses and have them boarded close by. I did get a pair of diamond earrings and a BMW Z4. We upgraded our house a little and have a view of the Sound, we rented out our old house and got a hot tub/pool combo in the backyard ... Love IT!

We allotted some funds to family - a one time deal. Our parents will never have to worry about their affairs, though. We are thrilled to be able to take care of them. We had a few of our close and good friends along on a wonderful cruise vacation in the Caribbean -sun and fun and fabulous lifelong memories. We sent everyone a book of pictures to remember the occasion.

We finally have time to see that counselor and work on our communication. And we can spend more time with the kids, reading and playing games, as well as homework and practicing sports/music, etc.

Money didn't solve all of our problems, but it gives us the freedom from financial burden and freedom of time. And that is they key to our happiness - time with family and friends and our nuclear family. Time to learn and love, time to explore and experience.

Hard to Talk About

2008-03-30T21:35:00.000-07:00

I drove Mac to Leavenworth to pass her off to my parents for a few days of Spring Break in Chelan. McKenna and my Mom are two peas in a pod ... they get along, understand each other, can co-exist so easily. It's been that way since Mac was born. It's such a strong bond, such a unique relationship; many can't quiet understand it. I'm awed by it and happy that Mac has such a person in her life. She's always happy to be there - she always has lots of fun and has lots of terrific adventures!

But every time I drop her off and have to leave her, we both fight back tears. She tries so hard to be brave - she doesn't want to make her grandma feel bad. I'm always so proud of her, but as soon as we drive off in opposite directions, I miss her terribly.

Today, on the three hour drive to Leavenworth, we talked a little, but mostly listened to Alvin and the Chipmunks CD. At some point, I asked her why she was so quiet (the usual state in our family, especially during trips) and asked if she'd rather we talked more and she said "yes". Well, for anyone else, that might be great to hear from your daughter. For me however, not the easiest thing. See, I'm not much of a talker and it's really hard for me to chit chat - even with my kids. So even at her request, I couldn't come up with anything to say. And the less I said, the more pressure I put on myself and then guilt set in. I was now officially the worst mother in the world!

I can talk to groups of hundreds of people, lead discussions with dozens, but one-on-one - that's where I crumble. I am generally of the opinion that no one is really interested in my opinion or my ideas or my thoughts. Most of the time, I have no egoic need to have the first or the last word, or to say what I think. I like to get info. I'm more apt to ask questions than to answer them. I'm interested, but not all that interesting. So I am really out of practice when it comes to originating conversations. But I NEED to figure out how to talk to my kids. I can live the rest of my life without having to become an expert at chatting with strangers, but I don't consider that an option when it comes to my babies. They need me and they need to learn how to connect with others via verbal communication. They need great role models and I want to be one of them.

So on the three hour trip back from Leavenworth, I wracked my brain on what I could do and how we could become a family of talkers and ... I'm stumped! So I'll be on a mission to find resources and ask questions of others - as I always do! I hope it's not too late.

In the meantime, I'll count the days and hours til I get to pick up my sweet girl on Thursday.

A White Easter

2008-03-25T21:46:00.001-07:00

So we went up to Chelan again this year for our annual Easter excursion and because it was so early, the snow had not yet melted in the high hills above Chelan. So for the first time, we had snowball fights, got a few snowmobile runs in and dyed eggs in the same day.

Come to find out, Easter's date is set by the full moon following Spring Equinox (sort of). Those of you who go to church most likely already know this, but for us 'peagans', that's not a fact widely noted. Here's the actual real explanation from About.com:

Why does the date for Easter change every year? Have you ever wondered why Easter Sunday can fall anywhere between March 22 and April 25? And why do Eastern Orthodox churches celebrate Easter on a different day than Western churches? These are all good questions with answers that require a bit of explanation.
In Western Christianity, Easter is always celebrated on the Sunday immediately following the Paschal Full Moon date of the year. I had previously, and somewhat erroneously stated, "Easter is always celebrated on the Sunday immediately following the first full moon after the vernal (spring) equinox." This statement was true in 325 AD, when it was established by the Council of Nicea.
However, the course of history has modified the meaning of this instruction, and therefore, a clearer, more accurate explanation is necessary today.
There are, in fact, as many misunderstanding about the calculation of Easter dates, as there are reasons for confusion about Easter dates. What follows is an attempt to clear up at least some of the confusion.
In actuality, the date of the Paschal Full Moon is determined from historical tables, and has no correspondence to lunar events. In the year 325 AD astronomers approximated the dates of all the full moons in the year for the Western Christian churches. These were called the Ecclesiastical Full Moon dates, and they have been used ever since 326 AD to determine the date of Easter. So, the Paschal Full Moon is always the first Ecclesiastical Full Moon date after March 20 (which happened to be the vernal equinox date in 325 AD).
The Paschal Full Moon can vary as much as two days from the date of the actual full moon, with dates ranging from March 21 to April 18. As a result, Easter dates can range from March 22 through April 25 in Western Christianity.
Western churches use the Gregorian Calendar to calculate the date of Easter and Eastern Orthodox churches use the Julian Calendar. This is partly why the dates are rarely the same.
Easter and its related holidays do not fall on a fixed date in either the Gregorian or Julian calendars, making them moveable holidays. The dates, instead, are based on a lunar calendar very similar to the Hebrew Calendar.
The Eastern Orthodox Church not only maintains the date of Easter based on the Julian Calendar which was in use during the First Ecumenical Council of Nicea in 325 AD, but also according to the actual, astronomical full moon and the actual vernal equinox as observed along the meridian of Jerusalem. This complicates the matter, due to the inaccuracy of the Julian calendar, and the 13 days that have accrued since 325 AD. This means, in order to stay in line with the originally established (325 AD) vernal equinox, Orthodox Easter cannot be celebrated before April 3 (present day Gregorian calendar), which was March 21 in 325 AD.
Additionally, in keeping with the rule established by the First Ecumenical Council of Nicea, the Eastern Orthodox Church adhered to the tradition that Easter must always fall after the Jewish Passover, since the death, burial and Resurrection of Christ happened after the celebration of Passover. Eventually the Orthodox Church came up with an alternative to calculating Easter based on Passover, and developed a 19-year cycle, as opposed to the Western Church 84-year cycle.
Since the days of early church history, determining the precise date of Easter has been a matter for continued argument. For one, the followers of Christ neglected to record the exact date of Jesus' resurrection. From then on the matter grew increasingly complex. For more about Easter dates, check out the following sources: • Christian History article by Farrell Brown • Easter Dating • The Astronomy of Easter • The Calendar of the Orthodox Church

So much for clarity - good thing I don't have to explain how the Easter Bunny knows when Easter will fall.

Speaking of the Easter Bunny, Mac's didn't fail to write another note. She wrote a note (ending with "Hope you have a wonderful Easter!") to the Easter Bunny, put it in an envelope and asked the Bunny to take the note, but leave the envelope to prove he was real. He did! He chewed a little corner off the envelope, took the note, answered the question of whether he was real (YES!!!), and left the envelope. In any case, he hid LOTS of eggs and left some goodies for the kids. All in all, it was a great weekend.

Something for the Singles

2008-03-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

From the Daily Candy files (a few days ago). This is why I can say I'm happy to be married!! But they made me laugh anyways. Enjoy!

"The late-night texter. The artful check dodger. Señor Crabs. Sometimes dating simply strikes you speechless. We thought we’d help.

bed-doomed adj. The condition a couple faces when there’s no spark in the bedroom. (Mark and I always have the best conversations, but we’re completely bed-doomed to be friends.)

dateorade n. The hookup that tides you over during a drought; a date on which you go, just to refuel and get back on the field.

mandoff n. The act of setting up a close friend with an ex-lover.

missionary impossible n. A position that is sure to lead nowhere.

significant otherwise n. A person with whom you date and/or sleep because he/she is better than a certain alternative. (No, he isn’t the most attentive lover, but I’d rather him than that commodities trader who lives with his mom.)

sintercourse n. When you just know it’s wrong. (Generally hot.)

tryst and pout n. Enjoyable, often spontaneous, intercourse followed by bitterness over disagreeable traits in your lover. (Often the result of sleeping with an ex.)

vibraider n. Someone who steals the batteries from the TV remote in order to power her, um, personal massager.

yentally challenged adj. Characteristic of a matchmaker who’s constantly setting you up with people with whom you have nothing in common. (Sweetie, I love you, but you’re yentally challenged if you think it’s going to happen with Brad.)

Learning to Write

2008-03-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

Julian is really, really proud of his abilities right now. Barely 5 years old and still in pre-school, he is reading and writing and doing math and we applaud his efforts and successes and spend a lot of time helping him read a lot of signs, books, words, etc. Everything is an opportunity to practice the skills his sister so easily displays (remember - he wants to do everything just like her!)

So this morning, while he was eating breakfast, Julian asked me for paper and pencil so he could practice some writing. He was sure he could figure out how to write this something on his own. We didn't have a lot of time, so I asked him what he needed to write. Very matter-of-factly and innocently he replied:

" 'Kiss my ass'. I think I know how to write that on my own, mom."

Before you go thinking that those are everyday words in our family (they are not - we are very careful about what we say to keep our tones respectful and mostly swear-free) you should know that I've always taught my kids that there are no bad words, but how, when and where you say things can be thought of as disrespectful, not appropriate, etc. When they've heard or asked about certain words, I've explained what they were, what they meant and whether or not they are appropriate and under what circumstances (many explanations are "Adults can say this, kids cannot".) So......

"Do you know what that means?" I asked.
"I forgot." (Very sincerely, and I believed him)
"Where did you hear that?"
"On Hairspray." (One of his favorite movies.)

Sure enough, we did watch Hairspray a month or so ago and they did say that. At the time, I told both kids I didn't approve of them repeating that and told them what it meant, but I can't really expect Julian to remember. He was so sincere about being able to write those simple words on his own, all I could do was try to move onto tasks at hand - like getting dressed and eating breakfast - and saving my laughter for when I was in the car alone. Watching the movie was my doing - I didn't vet the thing before we popped into the DVD player.

Needless to say, I explained what it meant and that it's not appropriate for anyone to say it and that we weren't going to practice writing it (for now - I'm sure it will come up again in say, 6-7 years from now!)

Out of the mouths of babes!!! It still cracks me up!

My baby is growing up!

2008-03-17T22:02:00.000-07:00

I knew this was going to happen, but when it does, it's a bit surprising. My baby is growing up. Julian turned 5 in January and he has been making leaps and bounds in learning and growing for the last 6 months. Tonight I had to bite my lip in order not to laugh out loud and make him feel self conscious. He was relating a story about how one of his teachers had cheese and he was hungry and he told her he really liked that kind of cheese and she finally gave him some and then he didn't know what to say to her. He'd told me the same story in the car and I asked him if he said thank you. He said no. I told him he should have and he said he forgot.

So as he was telling his dad the same story at dinner, Myron asked him the same question I did - did he say thank you? And Julian said "Dad, that's not the point!" "I was hungry, it was string cheese and I like string cheese." I had to put my glass up to my face to hide my smile. Since when do 5 year olds say It's not the point?

And then after dinner, he asked if he could have candy but could he please have some "french cheese" first. Huh?!? He went with me to Costco yesterday and they were sampling this cheese. We had some and he wanted more. He loved it and I bought it. So now, he wants that cheese for snack and apparently as dessert - or a palate cleanser before his candy!

Where did my little baby go???

Going for Enlightenment

2008-03-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

So, as I blogged earlier, I am trying to read Eckhart Tolle's New Earth and trying to follow Oprah's online class/book club about same book. It is a good book, albeit somewhat deep and a difficult read (and I haven't been able to keep up with the classes - I have to resort to downloads that I'll listen to later). But it's forcing me to examine areas of my life and determine how I can change to improve my happiness quotient. So far (through 2.5 chapters) it's making sense to me. Something in chapter 3 is sticking with me. The chapter is about Ego and what makes it tick. The passage is "Being Right, Making Wrong." I'll paraphrase:

Complaining and faultfinding strengthen the ego's sense of separateness on which the ego's survival depends. (Being separate isn't the goal - everyone and everything being one with Spirit is the goal).
These give the ego a feeling of superiority on which it thrives. (No one or thing is superior)
When you complain, by implication you are right and the person or situation you complain about or react to is wrong.
Nothing strengthens the ego more than being right.
For you to be right, you need someone or something else to be wrong.
The ego loves to make wrong in order to be right.
You need to make others wrong in order to get a stronger sense of who you are.
Being right places you in a position of imagined moral superiority in relation to the person or situation that is being judged and found wanting.
It is that sense of superiority the ego craves and through which it enhances itself. (This is the root of many problems)

I used to do a lot of complaining. I can totally relate to this. Particularly in jobs and working situations and it's how I best related to many people - friendships were built around complaining and making others wrong. And I was miserable! Sad, unhappy, crabby, totally miserable. But I guess with age and a mom who constantly tries to look out for my well-being by offering up lots of suggestions that I try new uplifting and healing things and books like Tolle's I am coming to realize that complaining isn't helping me achieve my ultimate goal. And beyond my own personal happiness is working to make my family peaceful and contributing my fair share towards some form of world peace.

There are truths, some universal and some just my own - things I like and don't like, things that I can stand for and some I can't. But I am going to focus on trying not to making others wrong. When something or someone isn't compatible with my sense of peace or a roadblock on the path to enlightenment and when I start feeling my ego taking over, I will simply remove myself without judgement (or at least try not to complain). I can't say I will be able to break old habits right away, but I will do my best. Notice to all my friends - feel free to point out my complaining if I fall into my old ways.

One other quote we heard on 'Akeelah and the Bee' last night - I hope my kids can take it to heart one day:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." (Marianne Williamson)

Might Be Time To Say No

2008-03-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

I spent the time between midnight and 1am last night writing out 5 pages of "To Do" list for the next 4 weeks. Yes, I'm back to my special brand of crazy. I was on a nice stretch of letting things go, not worrying too much about all the things piling up, enjoying more time with the family such as movie nights, game nights, etc. But I'm back into full-fledged Type A mode. And it's all my fault!

The kids have their ongoing activities and some new ones, too (tap, POM, basketball for both, baseball for J, etc.) The winter schedules are almost over and the spring schedules have yet to be distributed, so the calendar only showed a few committed dates.

I was feeling really good about passing the President baton to a new person on the South Lake Union Chamber of Commerce. He was already well his way to making great things happen without my daily input or need to sit in on executive committee meetings, Seattle City Council meetings, Neighborhood Council meetings, King County Council member walking tours of South Lake Union, meet & greets, figuring out what in the world upzoning was all about, untangling transportation and parking issues, discussing the merits of open space versus retail space, trying to mediate developers and retailers and arts organizations, etc. etc.

Things were kinda quiet at work, everyone on pace for a busy but steady event season. RFP's were written and deals solidified for one of the best years we've had in a long while. The team seemed solid with no one giving any indication that they'd be moving on. I was actually managing to work no more than 40 hours a week, too.

With all of this relative calm, I figured it would be OK to apply to be on the City Of Shoreline Financial Advisory Committee. After all, it didn't really mean I'd be on the Committee - I'd just throw my hat in the ring to make myself feel like I was concerned and contributing to my community without having to do the hard work. Could I have forgotten the deadly boring meetings I endured being on the Aurora Business Corridor committee last year talking about storm water management, all the crazy ways we could think of to mitigate business losses due to construction (can you say Christmas lights pointing to open businesses from the road?!?!), learning more about the red brick road and why we need to preserve it, etc, etc.?

Apparently, yes!

Because I was actually chosen to be on this Committee (I had a 50/50 chance of not being on it - why can't I have those odds for my lottery tickets?!?!?) We had our first 2-hour meeting tonight during which we all had to introduce ourselves, announce what made us think we actually had skills that would benefit said committee, tell why we thought this would be a good idea to meet with 17 other strangers who live in your community each with some special interest ... libraries, parks, transportation, more business, etc! It was all I could do to hold my tongue and tell everyone that we should put the entire City budget into hiring and training halfway intelligent police officers. So this "priviliege" will likely go on through June, possibly July and maybe we'll be "chosen" again to reconvene in the Fall, if the City Council would like this to continue (oh joy!)

Oh, and email messages today now indicate that the kid's sports practice and game schedules will be sent to us this week. Somehow my mind just didn't fill in the blank holes on the calendar to accommodate for all of that stuff! What have I gotten myself into?

Work has exploded - one person has quit, one is going on maternity leave soon, one is getting married and is taking 4 weeks off to honeymoon in Italy and I have one on panic attack watch to make sure that she stays sane after a crazy busy schedule of travel and kissing client's butts. I'm pulled into all HR functions, working out a multi-year deal with our biggest client, supervising a few projects and trying to keep balls in the air, fixing service issues with clients, prep for a few trips across country and the list goes on.

The new President of South Lake Union Chamber of Commerce had a family emergency and in one day quit his job as Vice President of a bank, moved to Virginia and left me a cryptic voice mail telling me to follow up on the chamber's line of credit. Nothing else. No "Sorry I have to resign" or even better "I'll be back. Can you fill in for me for a week or two?" Nooooo. As immediate Past President, I get to step back into the President's shoes ... again:( Letters to city council and city staff, credit lines, prep for and facilitate the board retreat, re-join the political battles I so don't get.

Did I mention that I decided to have my brothers and their families over in a couple of weeks? And the house is a disaster because we are remodeling the office and the kid's bedrooms? Oh yes, tearing out walls and pocket doors, painting, the whole thing. Julian is still sleeping in a race car bed with a crib mattress. His head touches the top and his feet almost stick out of the bottom. I cleaned out Mac's stuff and will be giving it to my youngest brother and sister in law who are having their first baby in May. In the meantime, bags and bags of hand-me-downs are on the dining room table, a pile so high that it really almost touches the chandelier. We have friends coming over for dinner on Friday - do you think they'll notice the stuff on the table?

My mother turned me onto this great healing massage therapist who does Altas Profilax (clicks the first vertebra back into place) and he's so specialized he's only in town this Thursday and I can't miss him and I'm taking Mac because she's complaining of headaches and it's supposed to make you feel so much better. And it'll cost a bunch.

I can't miss GNO!

Gotta keep up with Oprah's New Earth class I signed up for - every Monday from 6p-8p online and I have to read 1 chapter per week. Right ... need to read chapter 3. Oh and missed both classes so need to download week 2 and listen to both weeks - because I signed up for it and got the book and it's for my own good and could make me happier. If only I had the time!

Other things that made the to do list:
- get dog sitter for Easter (next weekend) and spring break (long weekend in Semiahmoo)
- shop for Easter (still next weekend)
- pack for Easter and Semiahmoo and pack Mac for spring break in Chelan with grandparents
- drive back and forth to/from Chelan for Easter and again taking Mac over for part of spring brak and again to bring Mac back from spring break - all in two weeks time
- clean house for guests on Friday and for cleaners coming next week and again for family
- figure out summer camp stuff for Mac, make sure I don't mess up the swimming lessons again this year like I did last year
- pick up even more hand me downs from friend on Friday and figure out where to put all this stuff (garage not an option and office barely walkable with Mac's stuff boxed up)
- pick out paint for kid's walls
- remodel entire house and fully landscape front and back yard, installing super fabulous fire/water feature never before attempted because brothers haven't been over to the house since we bought it (10 years) and oldest built a custom home near Enumclaw with unbelievable view of Mt Rainier, next to youngest is building/remodeling their house right now doing most of the work himself adding a second floor with views of the Olmpics and youngest runs a farm and built a huge barn and office/house next to their main house and remodeled their basement for their new baby last month and all of their homes are gorgeous
- Type Writer's Workshop Stories for Mac's teacher (and trying to decipher 2nd grader phonetic writings that tend to make no sense sometimes!)
- Get snacks for J's basketball
- Get birthday gifts for kid's friends because everyone is having a birthday party these days!
- Recover the headbaord we got from Craigslist last weekend because I just had to have it now

There's lots more, but I'll spare you. I'm officially going nuts and can't stop myself. And this darned time change is messing me up - I'm awake at 1am but can't get out of bed at 7:30a.

Next on my to do list: call someone and have them stop this Daylight Savings Time madness!

School Lunches

2008-03-10T18:40:00.000-07:00

This one's just for you Katie! I found this link on A Full Plate's blog. I haven't had much time to read through, but anything that can give some ideas on different lunch menu items can't be bad!
http://www.brownbagblues.com/. We'll have to share if anybody's kids ends up eating anything from this list of suggestions!

It's Tax Time

2008-03-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

Every year we promise ourselves that we will get this done early in the year. End of January - mid February lastest!

It's mid-March and we are just now getting to it. Actually, not really getting to it, but thinking of getting to it. We just opened our CPA's tax packet (sent in December) and have to find all the paperwork, all the numbers, receipts, bills, blah, blah, blah.

I HATE TAXES. Made all the more insulting that we are paying taxes for stuff that isn't really a benefit to us. Schools are in worse shape, our roads and transportation are crappy, gas prices sky-rocketing ... it just makes my blood boil. That doesn't even cover the price of this crazy war in Iraq and Middle East. But then again, our kids are going to have to pay for that!

So I'm choosing to blog instead. A worthy alternative, I'd say. I'd ask the question - have you done your taxes yet, but I don't really want to know. I'd rather ask - do you plan to have to pay or get a refund? We always have to pay (two years ago it was almost $12000!!! Talk about having a heart attack!) so we never have a refund splurge. This year, if we get that stimulus check Bush talks about, we're likely going to have to send it right back to pay our stupid taxes.

On the bright side, we got a used headboard for $75 this weekend that I only need to put foam and fabric on to make it look good. Happy about that!

Compelled to answer the call of the Meme

2008-03-06T21:45:00.000-08:00

I was tagged. Yep, tagged to come up with six words that sum up my life. This funky version of a chain letter was started it seems by an article brought to light by NPR, that highlighted an article in Smith magazine.

"In this spirit of simple yet profound brevity, the online magazine Smith asked readers to write the story of their own lives in a single sentence. The result is Not Quite What I Was Planning, a collection of six-word memoirs by famous and not-so-famous writers, artists and musicians." The full article can be read at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=18768430. I think it's a ploy to get the magazine's name around the world (I've never heard of it), but at least it's something different from the marketing folks.

And like Katie (who tagged me and whose blog I love http://smilelines-k.blogspot.com/), coming up with just one is too much to ask. Here are the few I came up with in just a few minutes.

Star wishing, not a good strategy
Want to live universal truth NOW
Never thought it'd look like this
Warden of own prison, want freedom
Time starved, creatively deprived, physically overfed
From couch, exercise looks like fun
Forget important dates, remember every embarrasment
Mostly happy, never content, want more
Need less things, want more connections
When will I win the lottery
Should have listened to my mom
Everone else's meme sounds much better
Slow to join, then totally committed
Rarely utter first words or last
Explain to me like you're 5
Came this far, where to next
Always reaching for the next thing

I'll go with this one:
How to make a living vacationing

Here are the rules to playing (and my interpretations of them - cause they forgot to explain to me like they were 5):
1. Write your own six word memoir (OK this one is the easiest)
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like (the game just got harder - I don't know how to add a picture from the net and don't have one I took as good illustration - I'll have to spend time getting this to happen)
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere (OK - now I'm officially lost. I can link to Smile Lines, but I have no clue what the "original post" is. Good luck, you are on your own here.)
4. Tag five more blogs with links (I've officially lost this game - Katie tagged all the people I know who have blogs! :-) If I want this to keep going, I'm going to have to search for random blogs to tag to - now it really feels like one of those chain letters.)
5. Remember to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play! (OK, will do, once I find those blogs to link to who won't ban me from the blogosphere because I'm spamming their blog. I'll get right on that! Soon .. really...)

So this will happen in stages and this post will get edited a few times I suppose!

My New Stovetop

2008-03-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

This is truly a day to remember! I am so excited ... After more than 10 years living in our house (a 1953 generic), we finally found and bought a new stovetop. Yay! Hooray! Yippee! I know it sounds like I've won the lottery and it feels a little like I have. See, I've been living and cooking daily with a Thermador stovetop circa 1960's. Only 2 of the 4 burners work and they are the smaller back burners to boot. I called an appliance repair service and it didn't take long for him to declare that not only could he not help my poor cooking buddy, but that no one would be able to - parts for that thing no longer existed!

That was 4-5 years ago. Coupled with my "easy bake oven" (seriously small) and cooking in my kitchen is always an adventure. I was once 1.5 hours late to a neighborhood gathering because I couldn't get my big pot of water to boil to throw in frozen potstickers. Thanksgivings are all potluck - my oven can barely roast 1 medium turkey and my stove is good for the mashed potates and warming my MIL's candied yams when she arrives. The microwave gets plenty of play, too and it's no spring chicken. It's functional and fairly large, but I wouldn't doubt it will follow the stovetop in a couple of years.

Myron has his work cut out for him. The new stovetop is smaller so we need to shore up the counters and fill in the gaps with new infrastructure. The countertops will now be unfinished and we'll eventually have to get new countertops, but we also are hoping to eventually remodel the entire space in a couple of years. I've lived with a crazy wacked out stovetop for 10+ years, so an unfinished countertop isn't going to faze me much. I dream of a new kitchen/living/dining space and someday I'll have that. Today marks the first step!

Of course we need to finish the kids' rooms, the office, our bedroom, etc etc etc! One day at a time. But hopefully next week, my family will eat a great meal and I will love cooking it on my new best friend.

A favorite poem

2008-02-28T23:08:00.000-08:00

I've had this poem for a long time and I just recently found it again as I was cleaning out a box of papers. It's always spoken to me.

The Calf Path by Sam Walter Foss

One day, through the primeval wood
A calf walked home, as good calves should;
But made a trail all bent askew,
A crooked trail as all calves do.

Since then two hundred years have fled,
And, I infer, the calf is dead.
But still he left behind his trail,
And thereby hangs my moral tale.

The trail was taken up next day
By a lone dog that passed that way;
And then a wise bellwether sheep,
Pursued the trail o'er vale and steep,
And drew the flock behind him, too,
As good bellwethers always do.

And from that day, o'er hill and glade
Through those old woods a path was made;
And many men wound in and out
And dodged, and turned, and bent about
And uttered words of righteous wrath
Because 'twas such a crooked path.
But still they followed - do not laugh -
The first migrations of that calf,
And though this winding wood-way stalked,
Because he wobbled when he walked.

This forest path became a lane,
That bent and turned and turned again;
This crooked lane became a road,
Where many a poor horse with his load
Toiled on beneath the burning sun,
And traveled some three miles in one.
And this a century and a half
They trod the footsteps of that calf.

The years passed on in swiftness fleet;
The road became a village street;
And this, before men were aware,
A city's crowded thoroughfare;
And soon teeh central street was this
Of a renowned metropolis;
And men two centuries and a half
Trod in the footsteps of that calf.

Each day a hundred thousand rout
Followed the zigzag calf about;
And o'er his crooked journey went
The traffic of a continent.
A hundred thousand men were led
Bu one calf nearly three centuries dead.
They followed still his crooked way,
And lost one hundred years a day;
For thus such reverence is lent
To well-established precedent.

A moral lesson this might teach,
Were I ordained and called to preach;
For men are prone to go it blind
Along the calf-paths of the mind,
And work away from sun to sun
To do what other men have done.
They follow in the beaten track,
And out and in, and forth and back,
And still their devious course pursue,
To keep the path that others do.

But how the wise old wood-gods laugh;
Who saw the first primeval calf!
Ah! many things this tale might teach -
But I am not ordained to preach.

Postcard From the Ordinary: Oscar Moments

2008-02-24T20:22:00.000-08:00

I watched the Oscars tonight - sort of. I made dinner, too, and flipped between ABC and HGTV - salivating over super fab kitchens. I read blogs and tried to read a chapter of a book. I turned the sound off on acceptance speeches, but kept my eye on the screen. And yet I choked up so many times.

Now, I've never wanted to be an actress, nor have I ever wanted to be on the big screen. I did have a moment in theater, when I was a teenager, and it was so fun to be a part of the group, to have rehearsals, to fall in love and date the male lead (who also happened to be a real French count) and to perform in front of a crowd, although that's the part I truly don't remember. I always thought that my parents never came, but my mom said they did.

But I tear up at all the award shows, feeling sad and I generally have a little pity party for myself. I don't wish I was up there or in that industry - I tried that working with Myron a few times and I could NEVER hack it! But it's all about the passion that these people have for their craft, that they followed their dream and that they are reaping the ultimate reward for doing what they love. And that the winners are so darned happy, elated, can't even contain themselves with joy. And I've never experienced any of those emotions. As a matter of fact, when I watch all of this, I feel like I've never emoted in my whole life. I have not followed a dream - because I've not had one. I've achieved in many ways, but almost incidentally. And oddly enough, I've taken it for granted. Kinda like the saying "any club willing to have me as a member isn't worth joining" or something like that. My achievements pale in comparison to, well, just about anyone, really. There's the heroes of the day who put their life in danger to save another's, the business person who rose to top position by being smart, savvy and a good person, all of the people who do their jobs and are the very best at it and are recognized.

I just feel like a fraud. Not as smart as so many, not as talented, not as ambitious, not as passionate, not as committed, etc etc. Please don't think I'm angling for praise or reassurances - I'm not! I am at least fully aware of what I have done and that's what makes me ordinary. I know what I have done and what I have not yet done and I can't seem to get any internal motivation to achieve greatness. The thing I have to reconcile with myself is that I need to be OK being ordinary or take action otherwise ... just don't know how or what right now. So here's to all the Oscar winners - they deserve their moment for being great and I am truly happy for them.

And Now For Something Different ...

2008-02-22T21:54:00.001-08:00

Before this week and all its commotion, I decided that I would take Oprah's online class, A New Earth, based on Eckhart Tolle's best selling book. I've always struggled to know what my life's purpose was. Not in the grand sense of why am I here, but while I am here, what am I supposed to be doing. What is my passion? Who am I?

I'm not so sure how this is going to work. I haven't read a book in nearly 7+ years (kids do that), and to read something that's going to make me think and 'work' is ambitious for me. But I am going to give it as much as I can and maybe through this process I will find myself. Not that I am lost, but I've lost a sense of belonging, a sense of community, desire a more purposeful living.

So I'll ask forgiveness in advance if I pepper some blogs with the new stuff I learn, esoteric and philosophical as they may be. I've always been a bit synical when it comes to this stuff. My first thoughts are usually that a human just like me wrote the book, their motivation is to make money and therefore the truth is not to be found there. I feel that way about organized religion as well. So I'll try to set aside my doubts and see if this might help me live a life of purpose from this point on.

Wish me luck!

And Just For The Record - It's Bird Poop

2008-02-20T12:40:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's right. The "evidence" the cops thought was the absolute nail in the coffin so to speak - the smoking gun, the paint on Myron's bumper that proved he did indeed run into a car - that's actually bird guano. We went out this morning in the light of day to see what they thought they saw and lo and behold, nothing there. No scrapes, no paint, just regular dirt, dried up water marks and bird droppins smeared from the wind/driving. The license plate that has been bent for a couple of years now, still bent, same as before.

Myron was so pissed off! To be humiliated and handcuffed over bird doo doo is really insulting.

We are still no where near out of the woods yet, so it's infuriating that the police could be so stupid, but they were. And we'll have to pay for their incompetence. Arghhhhh!!

Guilty til Proven Innocent

2008-02-19T21:10:00.000-08:00

I am so upset, I am shaking!!!

Do you have those days that are completely normal - things start off just like all your other days ... breakfast, walk the dog, putz around home with your 2nd grader who is on mid-winter break, lunch, head to Pacific Science Center for a little fun, call your wife, pick up your pre-schooler at daycare, chat with other parents, stop at COSTCO for a few items, come home - but then it turns into one of your worst nightmares? Of course not! Many have that kind of experience, but most of us don't. And we certainly didn't think we would until today.

I am still in shock! How do you explain to your super sensitive 7 year old that Daddy will be OK, even though she saw him being put in handcuffs by the police in our own front yard? How do you believe, after seeing so many instances of injustice on TV and in the news, that the truth will in fact prove your innocence? And what will this cost us - in cash and in emotions?

Three Shoreline police officers came to our door tonight, looking for Myron, asked for his ID, had him walk outside to look at his truck and ended up putting him in handcuffs, accusing him of hitting a car and driving off. They say 3 unrelated people saw him do this and took down his license plate, followed him and then reported it to the police. They wanted him to say he did it in return for an accident report instead of the possibility that he'd have to be taken to the police station or go to court. They frisked him, turning his pockets inside out. They intimated he was guilty - threatening him with a jury who under the circumstances would also find him guilty.

The only problem with this entire story ... Myron didn't do it and couldn't possibly have done it. And even though he has evidence proving that he most likely couldn't have (receipts, time lapse, cell phone tower relays, not in the area they accuse him of being in) - they decided he was guilty. And deserved handcuffs no less. Seriously?!?!? Handcuffs for a traffic incident?

Anyone who knows Myron knows without a doubt that he could never have hit a car without stopping to render aid or exchange information. Isn't that what we have insurance for?? Accidents??? He'd be the first out of the car to see if anyone was hurt. His honesty and integrity would totally preclude him from doing the wrong thing and then lie about it to police. We are the kind of people who would more likely to need police help rather than be on the wrong side of the law. In the past, while watching documentaries or hearing news stories about innocent people going to jail or worse, I might let my mind wander to what would would happen if we were unlucky enough to have this happen, and I would tell myself that things like that would never happen to us because we believe in doing the right thing - no matter what the consequences. So how in the world did we end up here?

So your mind then goes to race. I don't want to believe that it has anything to do with things any more, but I'm the white girl. I know I grew up with a different perspective than Myron. He's the one who experienced prejudice and racism - not me. And you really want to believe that in 2008, race in Seattle plays little part in justice. But 3 white cops and handcuffs for a traffic accident? Cooperative behavior, no weapons, no backtalk, no threat. What could their motivation be other than racial profiling?

Next theory: conspiracy. Is someone trying to scam us? If it isn't possible that Myron was at the location "witnesses" say he was, is a group of somehow related people trying to bilk us and our insurance company out of money? Sounds incredible, but this is such a stange situation, that a strange option actually sounds plausible.

Finally - unreliable witnesses. One of my old UW professors - the reknowned Elizabeth Loftus - has made a life of studying and reporting on false memory and false eyewitness testimony, on how people can make mistakes and how memory is unreliable. Is that the case here? Are we victims of a bunch of mistakes that led us to this?

And how are we now suppose to teach our kids that the police are the good guys. How is McKenna suppose to trust the police, who handcuffed her dad right in front of her when she knows he didn't do anything wrong becasue she was with him all day. How do I answer all of her questions when I have no idea what we are in for? And as much as I am trying to stay calm and practical about how we handle this, I can tell that both kids are nervous and fearful as they both had unexplained meltdowns tonight after the incident, just when I couldn't give them the reassurance they desparately needed, because I needed some too.

It might be the adrenaline still pumping through my veins or it could be this cold that just won't go away, but I feel sick to my stomach.

If anyone knows a good lawyer out there, please send info our way. Don't know if we'll need it, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. And tonight, that sounds like a complete oxymoron.

2 Good Family Movies in a Row

2008-02-18T18:13:00.000-08:00

Now that we have a nice media/game room and a big screen TV, we watch more movies together. We also belong to Netflix because it really is so darned convenient and we only have time to watch 2 movies a month - so it works out pretty well.

After a personal disaster with Mr Bean's Holiday (no one told me there are few words and Mr Bean doesn't talk) during which I had to go upstairs and find a chore to do or something, we rented The Game Plan (hunky Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson plays football dad to cutesy pie Peyton) and we all loved that one. Even Myron stayed awake for the entire movie and we all laughed out loud. And just this weekend we rented Hairspray. A little more sophisticated for Mac and Juice, but overall fun nonetheless. Only a couple of places required explanation ("Kiss My Ass" was one and the background explaining racial integration was another), but the message was good and John Travolta was HI-larious!

So there you have it for what it's worth. Some good rentals if you haven't seen them yet.

A funny from today's Daily Candy post

2008-02-18T17:52:00.000-08:00

It’s Elected! Boogie-Woogie-OogieElection Day Lexicon

Faster than a speeding ballot. Sweeping primaries in a single bound. Look up in the sky: It’s a gimmick; it’s a cliffhanger; it’s punditocracy.

20/20 vision
n. the media’s tendency to blow small issues totally out of proportion for the sake of news show fodder.

Between Barack and a hard place
n. the sphere in which undecided democrats linger to contemplate the electability of candidates.

I heart Huckabeen.
a bad movie and campaign.

It takes a village idiot
phr. a Washington proverb.

Meet Romneys
n. The persistent desire to poke Mitt’s handsome sons on Facebook.

Mock the vote
n. when people too embarrassed to admit they’re clueless about the voting process make awkward jokes to remain elusive.

Over the Hillary
n. undecided voter syndrome wherein the desire to see a woman in the White House is overrun by one’s dislike for Hillary.

PundIt girl
n. the token female analyst who sits at the table with Wolf Blitzer and co.

Scamdidate
n. an unviable aspirant who just confuses the public (see: Ron Paul).

Super delegetsome
n. when powerful insiders use their influence to score dates with campaign managers and candidates’ daughters.

You can get your own by signing up for Daily Candy (see my favs).

When Enough is Enough

2008-02-15T19:41:00.000-08:00

I give. I've earned my "tough mom" badge. I finally called the doctor today and went in to get checked for this never-ending cold/cough thing I've been carrying around since Julian gave it to me on January 1st. 7 weeks of feeling cruddy, but not badly enough for anything to stop, is enough. And I'm sure that after coughing loudly either in your ear over the phone (I always get an attack while I'm on the phone) or in your general surroundings, you'll be relieved as well. I do apologize for hacking around everything and I try to be as conscious as possible about not germing up door knobs or handles or anything you might also touch. But seriously one of the biggest reasons is that going to the doctor and taking medication are two of my least favorite things.

But I went today, dragging Mac with me because she spent the day at work with me for mid-winter break (that's a topic for another blog - another school break?!?!?). We were right on time, I gave them money, I filled out the required form in record time and we were taken to the exam room right away. The nurse weighed me (why do I ask? It was unnecessary to point that out to me when I'm already feeling horribly), took my temperature (98.7 - perfect) and took my blood pressure (used the little cuff that clocked my pressure at 150/100 .. Wha??? Way too high for me so she changed cuffs and it came out 120/82 - much better). And then we waited. And waited and waited and waited. I measured and weighed Mac, pretended she was my patient, we played thumb wars and hand clapping games, we listened to her MP3, read a magazine article and she read up on how to prevent breast cancer by examining your breasts - so we chatted about breasts and cancer for a while. She sat on the exam table and I tickled her, we laughed a lot and loudly hoping that we would be annoying enough for someone to come see us. I bet her I knew exactly what the doctor was going to do once he came in: look in my ears, nose and throat, then use the stethoscope to listen to my lungs, ask me 2 questions and then write me a prescription for medicine.

1 hour later, he finally came in, looked in my ears, nose and throat, then used the stethoscope to listen to my lungs, asked me 1 question and then wrote me a prescription for medicine. 5 minutes all told including the first minute and a half putting a bandaid on his finger he got as a paper cut right before coming into the exam room. I really hate to go to the doctor's office!

Went to the pharmacy to get 10 pills - waited 20 minutes, during which time we sprayed every kind of perfume, looked at all the makeup, and rummaged through the Valentine sale. All to get nasty pills that I hate taking.

All I have to say is that this better work, because it's unlikely that I will go back. So there!

Make it Stop!

2008-02-12T22:49:00.001-08:00

It started the week before last. A slow spin, then it caught more speed, spinning and spinning and finally today I really felt completely out of control. Does this ever happen to you? You have so much to do, but the more you have and put on the to do list your mind starts spitting out more and more things you need to do, and it happens especially when you can't write things down like on the drive home, in the store, at your kid's basketball practice. Well, I'm there! The tape recorder is winding and re-winding. I'm trying to keep up, but can't seem to make it stop.

Work issues are usually what start it off and I have plenty of those. Staffing issues, big projects that need to be started and finished, a long list of things I need to do to make improvements but my day to day preempts me from moving forward on most of those. I spent much of the evening air talking to one of my staff members, talking myself through scenario after scenario, getting upset with the invisible person next to me, trying to write notes on whatever I had handy so as not to lose key points or connecting thoughts or trails of facts.

But as if that wasn't enough, the household stuff jumps into the fray and now I have months and months of tasks begging for attention in my brain. The flowers outside need to be dead-headed (that was supposed to happen in November!), the pile of papers and other odds and ends in the boxes in the corner of our bedroom must be handled, mid-winter break projects need to be planned for and who is going to be where and when for the next 6 months seems to be a jumbled mess in my head.

These are the times when I most need a break - a sabbatical, time for myself, uniterrupted. But I soldier on, work through the confusion, write down as much as possible so I don't forget and try to forgive myself if something does fall through the cracks. I've been sick since January 1st and have yet to find time to call, let alone see, a doctor. My foot is killing me, but stop for an appointment? Sorry - no time.

I know the rhetoric ... take care of yourself so you can take care of everyone else. Put yourself first. Health is the most important - take care of that first. All well and good, but not as easy to implement. So for now tomorrow is another day and I will attempt to quiet the noise in my head and just get things done.

What's a billion?

2008-02-05T22:01:00.000-08:00

My dad sends me these great little nuggets once in a while and I was amazed at this one....

At the government’s current spending rate, a billion dollars was 8 hours and 20 minutes ago!

Remember that:
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

Another one:
According to 2005 data:

1. The top 1% of US population (3M people) took in 22.2% of ALL US income.

2. The bottom 50% of the population took in 12.8% of ALL US income.

Yikes!

PS I don't vet these things, so if it's wrong I didn't make it up and I didn't stop to count. But feel free to correct anything - I won't be offended.

When you just need a really good sandwich ...

2008-02-04T23:17:00.000-08:00

You gotta go to Grinders! It's a small place on Aurora in Shoreline, but the food is unbelievable!

Mitch is the owner - a really great guy. And he makes the most delicious food. You have to have the stomach for it, though. Lots of grilled onions, garlic, sauce ... they serve forks and knives with the grinders cause they can get messy, but you don't want to miss a bite! And you'll be tasting it for a few hours afterwards, too (just a warning)!

On some Saturday nights they have live jazz and they aren't open on Sundays. They have comfy tables and seating arrangements - some regular chairs around large square tables, some bar stools and bar tables and some sofas/upholstered seats around coffee tables for a more relaxed environment. They stock good wines and import beers, as well as juices. You'd probably never think to stop by just by driving by - they are right next to a muffler shop on the west side of the street. But you'd be missing some of the best grub in the north end if you decide to pass it by.

They are located on Aurora and about 199th (just a couple blocks south of Aurora Village Costco). Let us know if you're going to come up a try them out - we might join you!

Reminiscing

2008-02-04T23:10:00.000-08:00

I just found some of the kid's baby pictures on my computer archives. Those days seem so far behind, but Juice just turned 5!

To every parent their child is most beautiful and I was completely breathless by mine as well. And just like many parents, I had thoughts that they could possibly start their famous careers early by being in commercials and advertising. So one day Myron and I did a photo shoot with Mac. These are just two of a hundred or so we took that day. And unbelievably, she had a great time almost the entire day.

I learned my lesson though and after one audition (which I can't even remember now) I determined I couldn't take being a stage mom. They rejected her! How could they?!?! So that was a short lived dream.

I didn't even try with Julian, but he was as spitting image of Mac when he was born. As as cute to me as she was.

My kids are still the perfect kids for me and they still make me laugh and smile as much as they did back then!

Postcard from the Ordinary: Fashion

2008-02-04T22:55:00.000-08:00

This time of year never fails to bring on stirrings of feelings, questions about who I am and what I've done with my life and why I am who I am. Not in the great "what-is-life-all-about" way, but "how-did-I-turn-out-this-way" way. I get momentarily pulled into the belief that I should be one way, but recognize that I never will. And if I think I should, shouldn't I or am I OK just the way I am?

This thing is fashion. It's all because of the award shows. Now, I'm not much into TV. I don't even watch the award shows and I've never watched an episode of Sex and the City, so I've never been schooled about Blahnik Manolo or Jimmy Choo (I only know the latter is shoes, 'cause it rhymes with Choo). I couldn't tell a Valentino from a Wang from a Channel. I can't even wear the Channel I have (#5) - too smell sensitive! And those are just the designer's names I remember from reading magazines once upon a time.

I remember one year having to travel by car from Seattle to Spokane with Myron to see my family. He'd just been hired by Microsoft for a gig that required him to sing lyrics to Will Smith's new song "Gettin' Jiggy With It" and he had to learn Will's song by heart, right lyrics and all, so he could sing all the new lyrics written by Microsoft folks for their executives to lip synch to at some conference. Anyway, we listened to that song over and over all 5 hours there and all 5 hours back and one place we both got stuck was the line "You gotta Prada with a lotta stuff in it..." Neither of us had one clue what he was talking about. What in the world was "Prada"? Made no sense and we must have burned that tape out going back over that line again and again. That was pre-McKenna so at least 8 years ago and I can tell you that it was just in 2007 that I realized what he was saying. PRADA. Oh, right! Problem is, I still have never seen a Prada anything. No shoes, no bags, no nothing. Nada Prada.

I'm fashion deficient! I was traveling with my then boss when I worked in an industry considered fashionable to an industry conference where everyone was reasonably into fashion (everyone except me.) We were at the airport waiting to board when a group of gals gathered in the waiting area also boarding our plane. My boss remarked that there was "no way those pants could be real" beacuse the person wearing them didn't look like she could afford them. I had no idea what she was referring to. The pants she was talking about had the label Dolce & Gabbana in gold lettering either across the butt or down the side. I was quite sure that most people could afford something that looked that tacky - they couldn't possibly have cost that much since they looked like something from Mariposa or a teeny bopper shop. Well, I found out later from my Director of Finance who was traveling with us and who recognized my look of ignorance that D&G - regardless of how tacky they look - are really expensive. Who knew? Come to find out at the conference that the person wearing the pants was one of the keynote speakers, owner of several successful shops in Canada and that she really could afford anything she wanted. Never judge a book, right??

So back to my question - how did I get to be this way? Style is not my forte. I do wish that I had some sense if it though. Couldn't I possibly look better if sporting Kate Spade or Stella McCartney? Maybe, but that would require two things I hold dear: time and money. I have shopping attention span of a total of 30 minutes. Including parking the car. So unless the items physically jump out at me, in my size (which is another blog topic), then it's not realistically going to happen. Secondly, I have a family to feed, cloth and send off to multiple life-enrichment activities. The thought of spending $250 on a purse sends my brain into orbit. I didn't spend $250 on clothes and/or shoes for myself in the entire year of 2007! I spent that much on my daughter's entire school year wardrobe. In less than 30 minutes. Thankfully, she's not a clothes horse either.

But I do have moments of envy when I see how beautiful all the beautiful people look on the red carpets and in rag pix. Many of the dresses are gorgeous and I do wish that once in my life I had someplace to go where I'd need such a gown, enough patience to shop for it and the bankroll to buy the perfect one for me. But unless those lotto tickets pay off in this lifetime, its quite unlikely that I will ever look or feel like that.

That's what make me feel ordinary and it's that feeling, not the regret about any dress or shoe or bag, that makes me a bit melancholy - did I miss something wonderful? Did I take a wrong turn? Am I everything I will ever be?

I just lost a post

2008-01-28T23:00:00.001-08:00

I was inspired to write - finally - after being busy and creatively challenged for a few weeks. I finally had a breakthrough, a topic that made sense and it felt good to write. It took me an hour to write the 5 paragraphs, but they sounded pretty cohesive. Something I'd be proud to publish. AND I LOST IT! My darned wifi crapped out on me and I lost the post!

I'm going to bed now - can't bear to try to re-create it tonight! Boo hoo:-(

Learning to spell

2008-01-17T22:19:00.000-08:00

Julian just turned 5 and is in Pre-School. Someting happened a few months back that just seemed to click for him overnight. He started reading and spelling and doing simple addition and subtraction. It was a wonderful surprise!

This morning in the car on the way to school, he was happily talking a bit to himself. I could tell he was working out a spelling problem, but was only half paying attention. "B....R" I could hear him saying over and over. Then he asked what made the sound "Ah". "Mom, what says Ah?" So before I really put 2+2 together I helped him figure out the Ah and proudly he spelled his word: BRA! OK, well, that is a word, but out of the blue, on the way to school at 9am on a Thursday morning, "bra" isn't necessarily a word I'd figure my 5 year old would be trying to figure out. So I asked, trying not to laugh, why was he thinking about bra. "Daddy wears one, with a phone."

He was exactly right! But before you think my hubby is totally weird, Julian was referring to a picture in our office from our most recent cruise where our group was playing a game called Quest. Finding things and wearing them or showing them ... the first woman with two pairs of men's pants, not on the men, first man with a set of dentures, first woman with a tattoo, first man dressed as a woman with all the accessories, etc. That's when the picture was taken and it is a funny picture. But I think I have some 'splainin' to do with my son, huh?!?

Life Lesson: Death

2008-01-07T22:15:00.000-08:00

One of the hardest lessons of life is handling death. There's the obvious about death: "there's no good time for it to happen", "it's part of the cycle of life", "time will heal all pain", etc. But really, until you have to go through it, there's so much that you realize you don't know about death and you're not sure you really want to know. But not knowing, of course, is worse.

My father-in-law passed on December 29th of throat cancer. He'd been through treatment once, but it came back aggressively and once diagnosed with the recurrence in November, it didn't take long for the disease to take over the rest of his body. He passed peacefully with his family surrounding him. He's in a better place. The rest of us, however, are in various states of grief, not knowing, confusion. We learned some things but still have questions.

Things I learned:

How you'll deal with a family member's death isn't generally something you talk about with your future spouse before you get married - you figure it out only once it happens

Sometimes, you don't deal with death of a family member the same as your spouse

Sometimes you don't believe the same things as your spouse when it comes to death

Sometimes you have to give in even when you think it's the wrong thing to do

Support isn't easy to give when you're angry, but you have to do the best you can

No one is there to help you when they are a group who are united in their own family issues

You can get a veteran's ceremony for anyone who served in the military and there is a National Cemetery in Kent, WA

Once a person dies, you can't ask for any clarification on what they meant to have done with their stuff

No one really knows how things work once you die and you have to have lots of family meetings to figure it out

Not all family members will act appropriately during the process

It can be full of drama and outsiders may not understand or want to be a part of that

No comment support isn't easy when people are reported to lack common sense

You can look or sound like a heartless bitch as much as you try not to

But through the experience, I know that I need to understand and figure out way more than I currently know about the process of death for the sake of my own family. So one of my new year resolutions is to study up and get our affairs in order. Then I'll work on my parents to make sure that their affairs are all in order, becasue if they leave a mess, well ... who knows what I'd do!

World Peace

2007-12-20T00:05:00.000-08:00

I love my friend Deanne - she especially has an endearing thought about how to end poverty. The government should just print more money!!! Never mind that we try to explain what happens when governments print more money, she clings to the thought that solving that problem should really be that simple.

For me, it's world peace. I just can't understand why it isn't possible. It seems so darned simple, yet it can't be done. If everyone (and I really do mean everyone!!!), would just mind their own business, focus on their own issues, and truly help their neighbor, regardless of color, creed, religion, sex, sexual preference, thoughts, beliefs, etc. that would be a start. If all people would absolutely NEVER be malevolently or purposefully violent towards another human or animal or EVER knowlingly harm another, couldn't that possibly get us much closer to world peace? If everyone accepted that others have thoughts and beliefs that don't necessarily match their own, but didn't worry about what others thought or believed, would that help bring us closer? What is it that makes humans OK with hurting someone else? Why do kids bully each other or laugh when something bad happens to someone else? Why do people steal, rape, kill?

I understand that it's a complex issue, but I really just want it to be simple. Simply love thy fellow human being, NO MATTER WHAT! Everyone, Everywhere! No judgements, no deceptions, no greed, no crazy thinking, no hitting or abusing, no name calling or gossiping, no mean actions, no harming, no violence, no coveting other's property or person, no lying, no manipulating, no cheating, no bullying, no putting down, no hating. It really isn't that hard to do!

McKenna's teacher asked her 2nd grade class to practice Peace over the holiday break and I thought that was really great. A hard concept for some, but something 7 year olds get. Why can't 17 year olds, 27 year olds, 57 year olds, etc.?

I have enough stuff, so I really don't want many things for Christmas, but I really would love World Peace. So here's to practicing Peace over the Holidays.

Give Me A Break

2007-12-18T23:53:00.001-08:00

It's late. Its always late when I find time to catch up on personal emails and read favorite blogs. I'm bone tired and I still have tons of things to do before Christmas. Actually, I can't see the end in sight! And I feel guilty for not blogging. Not that my blog is serious entertainment or a "must-read" for many, but because I committed to doing this and I haven't for a while, I feel guilty.

So I'll just say it - I need to give me a break. It's OK to let things be until I feel inspired, or as the case may be at least awake.

So I'll just vicariously live through my friends' blogs! Happy Holidays if I don't happen to be able to get on again for a while.

What I Learned At School Today

2007-12-07T23:12:00.000-08:00

I did something today that I wish I did more often - I volunteered at Mac's school for a fun toy-making, science-experiencing project. Rick Hartman (aka Toy Man) spent time at the elementary school working with the 2nd graders making 'gravity people'. The kids had so much fun making their own hammers, then using the hammers to build their toys. Then they spent time experimenting on how to make their 'people' move using gravity, wind, etc. There was an artistic aspect for those who like that and all the kids were really creative in decorating their toys (Mac made basketballs and hoops for hers).

But what I learned is that I really like to help out my kids and their friends with their projects. I smile at their creativity, at they way they get into the project and really try to apply their learning. I don't remember ever being that way. I love the way they get excited when things come together, as if by magic. Each one has such great ideas and they love to share with their friends, neighbors and teachers. It's easy to offer compliments to everyone - they all give their 100% and they have no expectations. And they visibly feel good when they get compliments.

So I keep moving forward with my plans to work fewer hours and spend more time with the kids, taking time to volunteer at their schools and spending time learning about what they are learning. I never thought I'd want to do that, but it really is.

And actually I did learn something very cool - I can balance 6 nails on one - if you don't believe me just ask me to show you - you too will be amazed!

On Being a Mom (I)

2007-12-02T22:28:00.000-08:00

This little ditty really says a lot about being a mom- I'll let her tell it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM
Hope it makes you smile :-)

I Love Business Reviews

2007-11-29T21:57:00.000-08:00

This has been one hell of a week! I wished it was Friday Monday morning at 8am. But sometimes in the middle of craziness there are moments of levity. One such happened Tuesday night. I picked up Juice (our 4 year old) and after I heard about his day, he sweetly asked me about my day. I told him it had been a hard day, that I had lots of things that needed to be done and that I'd had a meeting that was a little scary at Microsoft - the place he'd been to with me a few weeks ago when he didn't have school and he had to come to work with me - but that I think I did OK in the end. The scary thing I had to do was called a "Business Review". He immediately piped up and said: "I LOVE Business Reviews!"

I had to smile because he was so enthusiastic - never mind that he had no clue what a business review was. I asked him what he liked most about Business Reviews and he said: "Why don't you tell me about yours." So I did. I told him that I had to put together a presentation, with words and pictures, that I had to do a lot of reading and writing to get it right, that I had to use some math to give the people good information. I'd have to do a show and tell of my work in front of many people and I had to answer questions about my work. "I love all of that!" was his comment and I know it was probably true. He's learning to read and write and add and subtract and for a pre-schooler he is pretty darned great at it. He amazes me with all the stuff he knows and learns. I asked him if he wanted to do business reviews when he grows up and he said yes, along with tap dancing, hip hop, playing guitar, playing basketball, etc, etc.

I'm glad I have stories like this to remember .. it makes the hard times a little easier to handle.

Monday, Monday

2007-11-25T22:11:00.000-08:00

I have the Monday blues. I have had the Monday blues ever since I started working for others. I never had these feelings when I worked for myself at INternational SITES. And I don't know anyone who works for themselves to have the blues, at least not often.

What is it about having to "go to work" that is so depressing?

For me, it's the lack of control over the schedule, having to be sitting in an office for a determined number of hours rather than able to control my schedule and how I operate daily. It's turning over control of my time to so many others. It's about having others controlling my actions most of the day, every day. I do stuff for employees, clients, bosses - nothing I do is for me. It doesn't nourish my soul, and most of the time, doesn't challenge my brain. It's just so unproductive for my taste. Ughhhh!

What I want is a paid sabbatical or to win the lottery (yes, I do play). I've been working non-stop since I was 17 years old (that's 27 years for those of you counting). I took only very brief leaves of absence with each of my two kids and only my full vacation times in the last few years and the word 'tired' is quite appropriate. So queue the dream ripple and let's take a walk down the dreamy path of "what if" ...

What if I had the freedom of time and money?! What would be my ultimate lifestyle?

I'd take time to get my house in order - organizing, cleaning out, increasing the efficiency and fun factor in our house. I'd start our main living space remodel and get a working stovetop and replace my easy bake oven.
I'd have my kids home right after school, spending more time with them and getting more involved in their lives (arrange more playdates, and yes, getting involved in the PTA and/or School District).
I'd spend more time with my hubbie, acting on some of our dreams to get projects into production and just plain connect more with each other - something that gets tested and challenged and squeezed out by the fact of having little kids to tend to .
I'd really get Dosha Group off the ground, too. Services for all small business owners who need help to live their visions and their own ultimate lifestyle. I'd be able to follow up on some of those great leads I already have and help others in a really meaningful way.
I'd travel with my family. I had the tremendous advantage when I was younger to have two parents working in the airline industry when perks were really worth it. I grew up in Switzerland and we travelled to so many wonderful places - China, Hong Kong, Phillipines, India, all over Europe and many US States, and I got an incredible education in global awareness during these travels. I want the same for my kids - there's really nothing like experiencing first hand the beauty and wonder of other countries. Ours is great, but the world has so much to offer!
I'd try to find a way to make a living from vacationing. It's really my favorite thing to do!
I'd pick up a hobby - something creative, most likely something to do with pictures and video.
I'd definitely spend more time with friends! My spirit aches for lack of real connection with my friends and I haven't been able to give any time to creating new connections.
I'd learn many things. I'd take classes from as many places as I could find, on so many subjects that I've wanted to learn about.
I'd have really fun and possibly helpful things to blog about, cause I'd spend at least an hour a day finding those perfect nuggets of knowledge to pass on.
I'd become more technologically savvy - finding a way to use all the gadgets we own and make the most out of them.
And I'd workout every day. This one may have to be moved to the very top of the list - and it can't wait until I have more time or money ... If I don't do something soon, I know I will spend precious time regretting that I didn't start sooner. Focus on health would be a very top priority.

I'm sure I can find lots more to do, but these would most definitely make the list.

But back to reality and here I am, blogging and watching the 11 o'clock news, a pile of laundry on my bed and on the dining room table and the reminder that I have lots of big projects, deadlines and responsiblities sitting on my desk when I hit the office tomorrow morning.

I know I've opened the door to what I need to do and I will .. when I'm ready to make that leap. Until then, I'll have a few more bluesy Sundays to deal with.

Butt Flickers

2007-11-22T14:01:00.000-08:00

Driving home last night I was actually paying attention to the road instead of listening to the radio or talking on the phone or to myself. And that's when I clearly saw the car in front of me flick their cigarette butt out of the car window.

I just don't get that! Every car has an ashtray! Is it a storage issue? A smell issue? A mental issue? I do not care much if you smoke (I am grateful that I don't have to put up with smoke in bars or restaurants anymore), but smoking is your choice - and not a major character flaw to be judged. But I do take major offense to you littering ... That does affect me. Whether its your cigarette butts or anything else, are you too lazy to just put things in a garbage? Seriously, your garbage in my world is disgusting and rude!

So I'm adding a new feature to my posts: Butt Flicker of the day and I'm going to call you out. Others should feel free to call out the Butt FLickers they see too. And if you recognize yourself, at least decide to make a change! Just don't do it anymore.

So to the White Jeep WA plates 722 WTA, traveling north on I-5 at 6:30pm on 11/21/07, you are a Butt Flicker!

The Magic of Airbrushing

2007-11-21T21:02:00.001-08:00

My sister-in-law Alicia had a great comment about Dana Delaney (see earlier post and comments). Alicia is the one with the really great sense of humor in our circle of sisters. And she makes a great point that we all would look great if only we had someone to airbrush our pictures.

I can never see those things right off the bat. I usually take things for what they appear to be which makes me what they call gullible much of the time. And my memory isn't always that great, so I forget things a lot. Not a good combination!

But I do remember an airbrush-like picture of me, a long time ago. Mid eighties ... big hair ... shoulder pads ... Can you say "Glamour Shots"?

I was President of Seattle Ad2, the junior club of the Seattle Advertising Federation and President-Elect of the National Club, trying to make a name for myself. Being in advertising, there were lots of opportunities for publicity and I was getting some press. I needed a head shot. I've never been fond of taking my picture, but I valiantly headed with a few wardrobe changes to the local mall Glamor Shots place. I have also never been one to know much about hair and makeup until recently, so when I sat down in the chair and started the process, I was much too overwhelmed and undereducated to really know what was happening. I just went with the flow. So on went lots of makeup that looked clownish in the light of day but I was told that it would look great on film. And my hair was curled, teased, primped, poofed and probably massively sprayed in place. First set of shots - business suit - for the press. Second shot - the hottie shot in black leather jacket - for nothing in particular at the time, but everyone was doing a hottie shot, so I figured I needed one, too.

When I got the pictures back a few weeks later, I was pleasantly surprised. They actually looked good. Nothing like me, but a close enough resemblance that I felt I could send the business shots out with press releases.

My friend Carrie has also been my hair stylist since our college/beauty school days and at the time, I had way better hair. A few months or years after these pictures were taken, I wanted her to make my hair look like it did in those pictures. Well, remember what I said about the memory thing? After wiping tears of laughter from her eyes and practically doofing me on the head, she had to remind me that they attached a piece of cardboard to the back of my head with hundreds of bobby pins to make it look that way! Duh! Airbrushing the non-technical way. I had totally forgotten that.

A few years later, in between boyfriends, I thought it would be interesting to look for a date in the personals in the Seattle Weekly. I only ever responded to two ads. The first one wanted to meet at the bar at Denny's (first clue right, but re-read above re: gullible) and I ended up buying my own disgusting wine and his too. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. To the second guy, I decided it would be a good idea to send a picture - just to secure the date. I also thought it would be a good idea to send the black leather glam shot (taken a few years earlier mind you). I got the date in a few hours flat, but imagine his surprise and mine when he showed up expecting to see hot-babe-in-leather-with-really-fab-hair-and-makeup and me realizing that I pulled off my first ever bait-and-switch inadvertently. There I was ... flat-haired, minimal makeup, a few pounds heavier, no black leather (but likely black spandex pants which I wore for many years almost uniform-like) ... very unglamorous but totally me and I had to laugh. I never wondered why he didn't call back!

I'm sure Dana Delaney really does have a great body and loooks really good for 51, but Alicia, you are right girl - if she sends those pictures to get a date, someone will probably be surprised!

PS I'm looking around the house to see if I can find that picture. If I do I'll scan it and add it to a post.

Dana Delaney ... Hate Her or Love Her?!?

2007-11-21T00:15:00.000-08:00

I just received a trial issue of More magazine. For those of you blissfully under 40, you wouldn't know of it or need to know of it, but for those of us pushing past mid-life we're learning that we might need to move on from Cosmo.

Anyway, Dana Delaney is on the cover and pictured in a feature article and while I am not very hip to the celebrity scene, I was audibly shocked to find out that she is 51. Seriously, she doesn't look over 40! I still can't get over it.

I would chose to look like her now let alone 51! I guess it's really time to figure out that piece of living the next 40 years, huh?

I'll let you know if I find anything interesting in the new rag - looked intriguing at first gance.

Do I have time to be thankful or should I just skip right to counting my blessings?

2007-11-19T23:04:00.000-08:00

I know I'm not alone on this one ... Christmas is coming too soon! They snuck things out before Halloween and we grumbled. We saw what was coming next and we got really annoyed. But it's not until it hits you full force that you get really ticked off. Christmas sales early (before Thanksgiving), Christmas music all the time on the radio, advertising everywhere you look luring you to spend, spend, spend! And all that started weeks ago.

From where I stand, we're glossing over Thanksgiving and going straight for the big daddy of all commercial holidays. Don't get me wrong, I do love the Holidays, but this year particularly, I need some time to be thankful. Actually, I need time to figure out how to be really truly thankful, to have that genuine gratitude, to know into the depths of my soul that I have it good.

But that is the problem. I can say out loud or to myself that I'm thankful for so much, but there is little feeling attached. There is little feeling attached to anything. I now live mainly in my head and not in my heart. I don't know when or how it happened, but little by little, day by day, I've managed to take the feeling out of life. No high highs, no low lows. And people who know me would probably agree - I am very "even-keeled", predictable, balanced.

You're possibly thinking that I need a shrink, but I've never had any good experiences with any of that type of professional. An undergrad degree in psych cured me of any romanticized ideas I may have had about that. Have you ever felt that if you start something even a little that you might not ever be able to stop it? That's the way I feel about my feelings. If I let a little through, the floodgates will be open and I will waste a lot of time being sad or angry and what I really want is to feel happy and excited about things.

So this season, I'd really like to figure out not what to be thankful for (I can name family, friends, dog, health, etc), but how to be grateful and maybe I'll start down that other scary but worthwhile path - living with feeling.

I wish for you a life full of feeling, things to be grateful for and a great Thanksgiving!

PS. I am really truly grateful for my friends who did read the blog and actually have been so incredibly supportive. Thank you thank you thank you!!

Just Do It!

2007-11-18T00:03:00.000-08:00

It's time. I need to do it. I need to take the leap and face my fear. It's been over a week and not doing it makes no sense. If it was just about me, it wouldn't be so hard. But it involves you and that's what stops me in my tracks ... I want to spare you the decision, the obligatory responsibility and the consequences of my actions but I can't. I made the decision to start and I need to follow through, regardless of your comfort level. It's not my usual MO, but if Iam to succeed in my mission, then the choice is clear.

I could apologize in advance for what I need to do, but I won't. That would be counter-productive and then what? It's just that once I really do it, there's no going back. No putting the genie back in the bottle. It'll be out there, for everyone to judge.

I could make excuses ... after all it'll require a lot of time and effort just for this one little thing. Individual communications, maybe even ongoing conversations. Oh right ... that's what I intended. Nonetheless, it could take weeks to get this done. And then will this even be relevant?

Right now, it feels so safe. The anonimity, the lack of expectation, no requirement of response. But that's not what's meant to be. It meant to be out there, for many to see, read and judge. It's meant to connect, offer different perspective perhaps, and maybe once in a while give pause for thought. My real hope is that it helps me get my creative groove back, that it it reminds me that I am a risk taker and that making the leap is always worth it.

So here I go, letting this flow outward into the general stream of consciousness, from my place of worry and fear into the universe, looking to put out good and get some back.

I'm finally making my blog public!!

Feel free to let me know what you think and if this resonates with you or someone you know, feel free to forward. I do want to thank you for reading, if you've gone this far. I am grateful for my family, my friends and their friends and I look forward to what this brings.

Green Turban

2007-11-15T23:13:00.000-08:00

My wonderful friend Shirl called from LA tonight because her "green turban" was telling her to call me. Shirl is actually originally my husband's friend, but one of the best things that happened when I married him was that I inherited really great friends and family. They went to high school together and have stayed close ever since. She is a perfomer and moved to Los Angeles to pursue her dreams. She is perfectly suited for that city - wonderfully dramatic and well read. She speaks like a you are reading a complex intellectual book and uses really great words (today's "my mouth was agape" stuck with me as you don't often hear people talk like that, but it's refreshing and challenging to keep up with as well). And she always sings something to me in our conversations - I wish I could sing but I'd have to be able to remember words and melodies and that's one area in which I don't do so well. She also speaks to me in french and when she does I realize that I desparately need some practice to get back all my vocabulary. So it was really nice to have her call.

Anyway, Shirl's green turban is her intuition and while nothing was majorly wrong with me, it has been an unusually difficult week.

My father-in-law was admitted to the hospital with likely recurrence of throat cancer (we're still hoping it's not), 2 of the top performers who work for me told me that they received offers from a competitor for more money and that only more money would keep them with our company (lots of repercussions and consequences there), pressure from clients, a looming deadline for a big project that I need to start and can't find time for, stress eating, the start of Mac's basketball season with practice times from 7p-8p twice a week on the same days as her POM classes, and the list goes on. But it is nice to know that friends can be so tuned into you that they call if you are feeling stressed and it was a nice release to be able to talk about my woes a little. I wish I could tune more into my own version of the green turban, but I let so much interference through that I can hardly hear myself think.

I'd love to know if any of you have strong intuition, if you call it anything and your tips on how to tap into that extraordinary resource.

Luv ya Shirl XOXO and thanks for the love back!

Two steps forward, one step back

2007-11-13T23:11:00.000-08:00

Since I started this blog, I thought that I'd go out and look at other blogs and I found that there are some REALLY GOOD writers out there. I know .. I said I was going to do this for myself, but I just got intimidated. Good ole DOUBT, cousin to Fear, is alive and well in my creative brain. I just got through telling 50 people I know fairly well from my professional association that things are well with my family and me - nothing new to report (even though I haven't seen these people for a year or more).

How boring can I get? Ergo, what the heck will I have to write about?

I am really going to have to break out and write about what I think. Which probably means I'm going to have to change my blogging time from post nightly news (midnight) to a more reasonable and less tired time frame. This means that what I expected to be a simple hobby will become a priority and might lose it's appeal, or at least it's nice and relaxed side effects.

My other dilemma for today and one I will have to worry about later (again due to the time) is to actually let people know I have a blog, to be brave and announce to the world that I'm out here and that they should spend some of their precious time listening to what I have to say.

OK, way too much pressure!

So for now, dear friends, you have another day's reprieve on feeling obligated to read through yet one more blog. It can wait.

Second ... One must write

2007-11-12T23:33:00.000-08:00

As challenging as it was to actually start a blog, I knew this would be the hardest part. I'm sure it is for many, but the laying out of fears, ideas, thoughts, problems and shortcomings is not really all that pleasant. I could choose the easier way for me and write about my kids or my job or something wholly irrelevant to my journey ... and I'm sure I will resort to those topics at some point... but this is supposed to help me find out who I am beyond the titles and the labels and the responsibilties that I currently have. And hopefully it can serve you, too!

I was talking to my mom today and told her I started a blog. The speaker of one of the conferences she'd heard recently was talking about how blogging was about ego, not spiritually inclined. I hope that's not totally true and that somehow, by reaching out in this way to you, that I can find some spirituality, re-connect with old friends and make new friends, get real information about what others are doing and thinking out there so that I might walk down different paths I'd not thought of before.

So my small step challenge of the day is actually sitting down to write and admit that I am not all that comfortable doing it. I've always loved writing, creative writing, and still plan on a writing career later in my life (once I find that unique, untapped, never before heard or read topic that will bedazzle the entire human race), but doing this does feel a bit ego-centric. Scary even. What if no one reads it and worse what if they do and no one cares, or can't see the point? I think I have my topic for tomrorrow right there, but my question for the day: "How do you keep thinking that your own stuff is interesting or helpful to others and to yourself?"

First Find A Voice

2007-11-12T01:09:00.000-08:00

My good friend Katie told me the other day that she had started a blog and did I have one? Well, no I didn't but I'd been thinking of starting one for so long. I remember that my friend Mark sent me a link to his blog a couple of years ago and I had no idea what to think of it. It was a compilation of thoughts and restaurant/hangout recommendations (he's mid 20's now and I'm nearly twice that) so those were lost on me. I remember thinking "what is this?" and moving right along. But last year I realized that Blogging was going to be a trend and having missed so many of those (I bought my first Amazon.com at $144/share for goodness sake), I decided to attend a class at the local Discover U and I immediately got hooked .

I thought of a dozen blogs I could start personally - after all, I had a lot of experience and might be able to help others. Instead, I took the idea to the others in my management team at RealTime Productions and started our blog there. I've thought hundreds of times that I would start my own blog, but so many excuses cropped up ... time, kids, opportunities and doubt kept creeping in. And then there's the all important "what voice can I put to this blog of mine". Surely people aren't all that interested in hearing from and about me. Boring. But after reading Katie's blog (which is fantastic and something I can only aspire to), I realized that I'm not on this journey for others. It's mine. I need to start now. I want to live my best life (thanks Oprah for coining the term). So here I start, for me. I hope you will share your journey, too. If not, this might just end up being good cheap therapy.

The search is on!