Some Drama, Big Reward

After days of hand-wringing, negotiating over song choices, looking for a costume (thankfully already appropriate in the mind of the wearer) - the big "Try Out" day came and McKenna made the Syre Elementary Talent Show!!

She settled on the Keke Palmer song "It's My Turn Now" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vao13M-NqJ8 (thanks K for steering both of us to a great alternative to Beyonce!), and a costume that includes everyday wear - a black plain t-shirt, red/black/white plaid skort and red tights.

This whole experience has been a bit dramatic and all for 1.5 minutes of 'fame'. She originally wanted to dance with her best friend to the Beyonce song "Irreplaceable" (see post below). When her friend backed out because her Mom encouraged her to focus on the ice skating dance routine and competition coming her way, McKenna was decidedly bummed. But she is persistent when she wants to do something and so she tried to recruit other friends, even announcing at one point that she was going to do a routine with her worst enemy - that's how badly she wanted to get in the talent show. When I pointed out that doing things with others would require compromise on songs, dance moves and practice time that was already disastrously short, she agreed that this year would be the year for her to do this on her own.

So a song was picked, the computer set to the YouTube video, the lyrics printed out, a CD made and the karaoke machine set up in the living room with space to dance and the speakers to hear it well. Practices were morning, noon and night ... before and after school and even her best friend helped her practice during recess. She learned the lyrics quickly and was able to belt out the whole thing on her own in just a couple of days. The dance moves came naturally and with the help of her entertainer dad, a performance was born.

The night before the try outs, her dad was working late and wasn't able to practice with her and motivate her most energetic self. She needs me for many things, but this time she really wanted and needed her dad. So fear and doubt set in and in a tearful confession she told me that she wasn't going to participate in the try outs. At this point, the pragmatic me set in and reminded her of all she accomplished in such short time, and of the time we've all put into helping her out. Of course I also tried to work in some confidence building and pumping up her self-esteem and after 15 minutes of discussion, she agreed to still consider the possibility. Next morning all was good and Myron promised he'd be there to cheer her on.

As luck would have it, one of his really good client's called for a gig that would not allow him to attend the try outs. I would have to be the one to tell her when I picked her up and walked her to the gym. I would rather have faced a pack of rabid wolves than have to tell her that bad news - I knew the horrible disappointment that she was going to be feeling. And I was afraid I wouldn't sound as empathetic as I would need to because Myron's work schedule also really messed up a super busy and stressful family schedule - Mac's POM class directly after try outs, Julian's baseball practice at 5 and then a Birds & Bees class for Myron and I that evening back at the school. Now all of this squarely on my shoulders. I put on my Supermom uniform and set off to do what I had to do (feeling guilty to be leaving work early with a pile of deadline projects on my desk and having to cancel my participation in the Finance Committee's regularly scheduled meeting).

I did manage to pick up Julian, stop at home for the costume, camera, water bottles, snacks and music, make it to the school on time to take her to the gym, call Myron on the cell and have her talk to him for a pep talk and turn the cell off to ward off last minute work calls. I had the camera at the ready for the big moment. She was nervous but sat with the rest of the girls and boys, listened to the directions and we watched a few people go through their try outs before Mac's name was finally called. She bravely gave them her music and then came over the me, crouched down and I heard those words: "Mom, I can't do this. I am too afraid. I really don't think I can do this." The teacher was calling for her to start and I had to come up with something to say. I reminded her that she worked really hard and that she was sure to make it if she did her best. That she would definitely NOT make it if she didn't try and to think of her dad being at the back of the room doing this with her. I also told her to do the Sharpay trick (High Shool Musical) which made her smile. She took a deep breath and walk to the middle of the gym. The music started, she struck her pose and went for it! She didn't freeze, she sang 'loud and proud" and when they thanked her the relief and pride was visible, SHE DID IT!!

I prompted her to ask the teacher when she would find out if she'd made it and she was told on the spot "Congratulations! You made it!" She was practically jumping out of her skin with excitement. And of course I was so proud of her, too. I know how much this will help her confidence. So look for video to be posted around May 30th to see how things actually turn out. I'm sure there will be more afraid moments in the next couple of weeks, but not nearly as strong. She set a goal, worked hard to make it good, followed through and achieved what she wanted. It's all good from here, right?!?

Going for Enlightenment

So, as I blogged earlier, I am trying to read Eckhart Tolle's New Earth and trying to follow Oprah's online class/book club about same book. It is a good book, albeit somewhat deep and a difficult read (and I haven't been able to keep up with the classes - I have to resort to downloads that I'll listen to later). But it's forcing me to examine areas of my life and determine how I can change to improve my happiness quotient. So far (through 2.5 chapters) it's making sense to me. Something in chapter 3 is sticking with me. The chapter is about Ego and what makes it tick. The passage is "Being Right, Making Wrong." I'll paraphrase:

Complaining and faultfinding strengthen the ego's sense of separateness on which the ego's survival depends. (Being separate isn't the goal - everyone and everything being one with Spirit is the goal).
These give the ego a feeling of superiority on which it thrives. (No one or thing is superior)
When you complain, by implication you are right and the person or situation you complain about or react to is wrong.
Nothing strengthens the ego more than being right.
For you to be right, you need someone or something else to be wrong.
The ego loves to make wrong in order to be right.
You need to make others wrong in order to get a stronger sense of who you are.
Being right places you in a position of imagined moral superiority in relation to the person or situation that is being judged and found wanting.
It is that sense of superiority the ego craves and through which it enhances itself. (This is the root of many problems)

I used to do a lot of complaining. I can totally relate to this. Particularly in jobs and working situations and it's how I best related to many people - friendships were built around complaining and making others wrong. And I was miserable! Sad, unhappy, crabby, totally miserable. But I guess with age and a mom who constantly tries to look out for my well-being by offering up lots of suggestions that I try new uplifting and healing things and books like Tolle's I am coming to realize that complaining isn't helping me achieve my ultimate goal. And beyond my own personal happiness is working to make my family peaceful and contributing my fair share towards some form of world peace.

There are truths, some universal and some just my own - things I like and don't like, things that I can stand for and some I can't. But I am going to focus on trying not to making others wrong. When something or someone isn't compatible with my sense of peace or a roadblock on the path to enlightenment and when I start feeling my ego taking over, I will simply remove myself without judgement (or at least try not to complain). I can't say I will be able to break old habits right away, but I will do my best. Notice to all my friends - feel free to point out my complaining if I fall into my old ways.

One other quote we heard on 'Akeelah and the Bee' last night - I hope my kids can take it to heart one day:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." (Marianne Williamson)