Something for the Singles

From the Daily Candy files (a few days ago). This is why I can say I'm happy to be married!! But they made me laugh anyways. Enjoy!

"The late-night texter. The artful check dodger. Señor Crabs. Sometimes dating simply strikes you speechless. We thought we’d help.

bed-doomed adj. The condition a couple faces when there’s no spark in the bedroom. (Mark and I always have the best conversations, but we’re completely bed-doomed to be friends.)

dateorade n. The hookup that tides you over during a drought; a date on which you go, just to refuel and get back on the field.

mandoff n. The act of setting up a close friend with an ex-lover.

missionary impossible n. A position that is sure to lead nowhere.

significant otherwise n. A person with whom you date and/or sleep because he/she is better than a certain alternative. (No, he isn’t the most attentive lover, but I’d rather him than that commodities trader who lives with his mom.)

sintercourse n. When you just know it’s wrong. (Generally hot.)

tryst and pout n. Enjoyable, often spontaneous, intercourse followed by bitterness over disagreeable traits in your lover. (Often the result of sleeping with an ex.)

vibraider n. Someone who steals the batteries from the TV remote in order to power her, um, personal massager.

yentally challenged adj. Characteristic of a matchmaker who’s constantly setting you up with people with whom you have nothing in common. (Sweetie, I love you, but you’re yentally challenged if you think it’s going to happen with Brad.)

A funny from today's Daily Candy post

It’s Elected! Boogie-Woogie-OogieElection Day Lexicon

Faster than a speeding ballot. Sweeping primaries in a single bound. Look up in the sky: It’s a gimmick; it’s a cliffhanger; it’s punditocracy.

20/20 vision
n. the media’s tendency to blow small issues totally out of proportion for the sake of news show fodder.

Between Barack and a hard place
n. the sphere in which undecided democrats linger to contemplate the electability of candidates.

I heart Huckabeen.
a bad movie and campaign.

It takes a village idiot
phr. a Washington proverb.

Meet Romneys
n. The persistent desire to poke Mitt’s handsome sons on Facebook.

Mock the vote
n. when people too embarrassed to admit they’re clueless about the voting process make awkward jokes to remain elusive.

Over the Hillary
n. undecided voter syndrome wherein the desire to see a woman in the White House is overrun by one’s dislike for Hillary.

PundIt girl
n. the token female analyst who sits at the table with Wolf Blitzer and co.

Scamdidate
n. an unviable aspirant who just confuses the public (see: Ron Paul).

Super delegetsome
n. when powerful insiders use their influence to score dates with campaign managers and candidates’ daughters.

You can get your own by signing up for Daily Candy (see my favs).