Having It All

We all know this one: “You can’t have it all.”  I was talking with a friend on our Halloween walk following the kids last night and I found myself agreeing with her – you can’t really have it *ALL*.  But then I started to think about that and wondered why I couldn’t have it all.  I know that one can’t have something both ways.  For example, one can’t have and not have kids.  One can’t be married and not married.  One can’t be here and there at the same time.  But is what I’m asking for *ALL*?  And if not, why can’t I have it?

The discussion was around travel and how much I missed it vs raising kids to be the strong, confident, smart kids that I seem to have.  Having lived abroad for 10 years and experiencing extensive travel in my childhood and into my 30’s, I was brought up to believe travel was part of our education, of our life experience.  I always knew it wasn’t everyone’s experience and I was always grateful for the opportunities I had, but it was my ‘normal’.  Then I got married, had kids and the travel substantially slowed down even though it’s one of my greatest pleasures.  I mentioned how envious I was that my friend took the time to travel with her close girlfriend for a week in Italy, just the 2 of them, and were later joined by their spouses for one more week.  I have never done that.  For as much international travel as I have done, I have never traveled with a girlfriend.  I am lucky enough to have a mother/former business partner with whom I was able to share great journeys through our work.  But to have the opportunity now that I have kids, husband, mortgages, dog, responsibilities, a business … that’s the stuff my dreams are made of.

The thing is how do I have it all?  How do I get my new business off the ground, manage a family and a household, raise great kids and keep a relationship going?  How do I manage the schedules, the activities, the responsibilities and the tight budget and add all the things I want like travel and time with friends and family?  How do I find time for exercise and date nights, and creating a successful business that will give me the freedom to do a lot?

So I know I can’t have it ALL – I just want all that I want.

I Just Like To Do It

I admit it. I like to DO. I also like to write. But for some reason I don't like to write about doing. It's anticlimactic.

If I write about what I’m about to do, it’s pressure and I feel the need to buck authority, even though I’m the authority.  It somehow signals that now I have to do this thing. It then loses its draw.

If I write about it after I do, then it seems self-serving, boasting, me-centered and begs the questions “WTH do they care about that?” or “So what?”

It just all feels a little neurotic … not unlike my life actually.

But since September has come to a close and I actually did use some of the advice culled from my magazine reading, I’ll offer the brief synopsis of my take-aways from last month so I can catch up with this month already.

From O, The Oprah Magazine:

I was happy to be validated that I have confidence, am assertive and use my personal power. I use my body to think, putting myself in power poses which lead me to make bigger, riskier decisions, be physically strong, have a high tolerance for pain and see the opportunities around me. I know when to “play high” and when to “play low”.  So for those who’ve had to endure my feet-on-the-desk moments – that was strategic!

Was satisfied that I had an OK ECO IQ – I already use the dishwasher more than washing by hand (duh!), I drink beverages mostly out of aluminum cans and hardly out of glass bottles, I switched from buying paper books to adding e-books to my new Nook that I got for Christmas from my hubby and I don’t wash my car – ever - so I’m super Eco Star there.   However, things to improve on: use plastic wrap instead of aluminum foil (just don’t use a lot), change bulbs to LED bulbs over CFL’s and don’t use the treadmill as often.  OK, that last one not really but I ‘could’ walk outside instead.  That would lead to drastically reduced exercise – I would never actually go for a walk in the cold, rainy weather we live in.
I stopped fitting my life to my work and started fitting my work to my life.  It’s a work in progress to go from corporate exec to entrepreneur, but I know it’s the right thing for me and for my family.

Want to try Dr Oz’ Cornmeal-Crusted Tofu with Mashed Sweet Potatoes.  Not a tofu fan, but want to eat better.  I will also take a look at the blog 100daysofrealfood.com to see if I can get help.

From BH&G:

I used to fold my bras in a drawer.  I now “file” them to keep them in better shape.  Who knew?!?

I bought a new shade of nail polish for the fall and did my own pedicure.  Essie’s “Sexy Divide” – decidedly purple! Color: Fab.  Pedicure: most definitely need professional help.

Want to try to make Sweet Potato Soup with Curried Cheese Crisps for dinner.  Hmmm … I sense a pattern and craving for sweet potatoes!

New after school schedule and habits: I moved my work station to the dining room table and now the kids both join me when they get home and have a quick snack.  We all do homework together, read and get tomorrow’s stuff done.  It all gets done faster, they feel that they have help and know that they have the rest of the evening to themselves or at least won’t have to do homework after sports when they are tired.  And I can spend quality time with them and they are learning more.  This is a first since our daughter was born 11 years ago.  Makes my decision to have a home office worth it!

It was National Yoga Month and I was able to get a fabulous private session in at home with Karen from Phyzz Yoga.  I HAVE to find a way to do that more often!!

From Prevention:

I.Knew. It! – I can blame my increase in waist size over the years on my pelvis.  Presumable the pelvis keeps growing after the rest of the skeleton stops and increases waist size.  Ha – Not My Fault! (well, that felt good for a moment… now back to reality – it is my fault).

From Self:

“Au revoir to office ass” (their title, not mine!) – 120 moves 3 times a week and supposedly my butt will be perky.  Not to share TMI, but nothing I’ve ever had has been *perky*.  Testing starting now …

Again a greening makeover – less food waste.  Practicing a little “Kaizen”, cooking portions sizes we’ll eat and not more, following shopping list and decreasing impulse buying, only buying what we need for the week.  Supposedly I can save up to $900 per year this way.  Works for me!

Getting my braniac on – never thought I’d be one to play online games, but yes, I downloaded the Words With Friends app to improve my brain power and had three games going this month.  Yeah – lost all three games, but was close on 2 of them.  Still good to have a little brain stimulation and friendly competition.  Taking on people we know bolsters talking and bonding, leaving us more fulfilled.  Amen to that!  Thanks Linda, Misty and Dana for playing with me.

Better parenting - I finally have time in the morning to fix a better breakfast for the kids.  My daughter will now request a "terry bagel" (named for a friend who introduced us to this little piece of heaven on our camping trips) or a scramble.  Egg, turkey or canadian bacon, veggies, some cheese ... Waaayyyy better than daily routine of mini pancakes in the microwave with syrup (even if it was sugar free). Feeling a little less guilty.

3 steps forward 1 step back – sleep.  Was supposed to get more sleep by working from home … not so much.  Have more on my mind, more on my task list and less help this month, so the workday ends between 12:30a and 2a and alarm clock goes off at 6:55a.  I wouldn’t call after 10pm of you really want a pleasant conversation.  Snarky is what you’ll get at that time.

I also wanted to dance more this month, especially with the kids.  And I wanted to practice holding plank so I could do it for three minutes straight.  I think I’m still at about 30 seconds.

The 5-year plan – so this will be done in baby steps, ‘cause it asks me to “rip up my to-do list”, start dreaming and dare to make those dreams a reality.  Anyone who knows me knows that to not have a to-do list is just not going to happen.  I live and breathe the to-do list.  I really want to do away with them, I do, but when I try, I make even more lists.  On the phone, the computer, several paper versions by week, day, hour and sometimes minutes.   But I do want to live a more meaningful and fulfilled life so I did put a few things on my TaskPro list to make that happen.  Next month, when I have a little more time (ha!), I will create my vision board and write down goals that will allow me to savor the process of achieving, not just the achievement of it. And this mini goal setting is actually the key to getting the big goals checked off the list, so I guess I’m on my way!  I like the last page of this mag for its inspiration:

“No one who has achieved greatness got there by following an easy path laid out by others.  She did it by creating he own vision and striving to achieve, then surpass it.  Now that the lazy days of summer are behind, it’s time to renew focus.  Think of what you want to accomplish, and take a step toward it every day.  You are standing on the brink of something spectacular.”

And that’s what I’m counting on!!

First Up - My Dream Outdoor Space

Apparently there's a guy - Jamie Durie - who has a show on HGTV called The Outdoor Room. I really didn't need to know that. If there's anything I could be addicted to, it's HGTV. I haven't watched TV (other than the occasional late Saturday night Criminal Minds re-run) for well over 2 years. But now that I work from home, it's just not right that I should discover a show on how to create something I've wanted since we were able to buy a house of our own ... an Outdoor Room.

So I chose the article about how Jamie Durie can advise me on creating the perfect Outer Sanctum in the September 2011 issue of Better Homes and Gardens as my Project "Good Advice" 1st try.

"Jamie encourages everyone who has a small patch of earth - or even just a patio or deck - to re-imagine their exterior environment as a functional, eco-friendly living space."

OK … Here's what I recently tore out of a magazine as my OMG-I-Want-That outdoor space.

Nice, huh?

Jamie’s featured space in BH&G is also quite nice.  I was particularly interested in the pictures of his “green roof” pergolas.  He made planter boxes at the top of the pergolas to hold plants of all sorts, that beautifully, elegantly and naturally hang/sprout/blossom around the edges of the roof.

Well, I think I have this one nailed.  I don’t even need to read how to do it, ‘cause we already have that going on.  See that, at the top of our roofline?  It’s vegetation my friends.

Yep, we are avant-garde at our house, and now boast an eco-friendly, green roof of our very own.  So it’s a little brown now, and I’m pretty sure that what’s growing in the gutter isn’t supposed to, but I interpret this as a start to my new and improved outdoor space.  Whaddya think?
We are constantly trying to re-imagine our spaces.  We’ve been in home improvement mode since 1998. These last 2 years we have been outdoor focused.  Taking out a crumbled and broken old driveway, expanding and re-paving it, and slowly (for real – very slowly) have been reconstructing our front space to include little luxuries such as steps and walkways.

How close are we to getting my dream outdoor space?

Yeah … even my favorite tree just up and died this summer waiting for this to get finished.

When Mr Durie tells me to grow a green wall, I’m pretty sure he isn’t thinking NW Moss.  Or to get comfortable and set out a day bed with soft luxurious cushions as a must-have, we’d be talking moving furniture out of the house or garage for about 10 (non-consecutive) days out of the year (the rest of the year it would just take up space we don’t have). Or to add fire as a sensual element, but comes with a huge caveat: not if you own any of these!

I remind myself that he lives in sunny southern California, is a TV Host who can write off his hobby as business deduction and was born with wicked creativity and imagination – none of which are part of my particular situation at this time (and unlikely to be in the future).

Here’s my take away though:  our spaces should accommodate our life, not the other way around.  I will work on that piece of advice for all the projects we undertake.

And if anyone knows Jamie, tell him to stop by … and lend some much needed specific advice I can really hang a flower basket on.

Cheers!

Let Project "Good Advice" Begin

Like thousands of others, I love to read. As a kid, I devoured books. I'd read in the morning; while making/burning lunch for my family (we lived in Europe where our school lunch breaks were 2 hours long at which point we ate our main meal of the day – more than once my reading resulted in charred meats and inedible food); at night with a flashlight under the covers; in the car; on hikes in the Alps ... pretty much everywhere and anytime. That is, up to the time when I transferred into an American High School after moving to the States. Having to make friends, adjust to American living, schoolwork and a job left little time for pleasure reading. Even less once I started college and held 2-3 jobs simultaneously to pay for it. With responsibilities and loans to pay back after graduation, jobs and my own business became my obsessions, my ambitions, serious business ... no time for childish whims or activities, like reading books that weren't, you know, serious business.

But like any "addict", I found myself needing a reading fix and my love of magazines was born. With little time for lengthy books and unable to shoulder the guilt of, god forbid, indulging in a novel, the magazine article became my perfect mental holiday.  So it has been for the last few decades that my apartments, offices and now house are littered with a variety of magazines, many that I can’t part with even after reading cover to cover.  There always seems to be some nugget of wisdom I’m meant to absorb and fold into my life.  As a chronic malcontent, I am lured by the promises each cover of Self, O, Shape, Fast Company or Entrepreneur make to me each month.  They tell me there is a better way, a better life just waiting for me just inside the front cover. 

Well, because I’ve now invested a small fortune in subscriptions and considerable time and space to my beloveds, I’ve decided that maybe it’s time to put some of that good advice to work.  Can I actually live a balanced, fabulous, healthy, beautiful, delicious, organized, inspired, wealthy life just by taking the counsel offered so readily month after month?

I am challenging myself: starting with four September issues, I will attempt to apply the guidance proffered in these magazines and track my balanced life quotient.  And I will blog about my experiment.  I can tell, even as I write this, that I may be setting myself up for failure.  Reading the words is so much easier than actually doing things to tangibly improve my life, but to add the writing about the process … uh, yeah … well I can only try my best.

Just so I can come back to this post in about a week or so and understand what the heck I was thinking, my purpose in doing this is to gradually improve my life and inch towards happiness, contentment, satisfaction, fulfillment.  For my practical self, it’s to finally make use of the investment of time and money into these product-mongering publications.  And to be totally honest, it is practice for what’s coming up in my new business venture and the blog, newsletters, articles, products, reports that I have committed to putting out there for people to avail themselves of to improve their lives and their small businesses.

I’m already late in the game since the October issues are pouring in, but to stay true to my idea, I will start with my favorites in the September issues of Self, O, Prevention and Better Homes & Gardens.  September is my mental new year, the time when I try to get clear on my intentions and take actions to move them forward.  It’s my renewal time in a way.  I know that for many people Spring is renewal, but Fall for me tends to be ‘buckle-down’ time, ‘get-productive-and-get-‘er-done’ time, a relic of my school training and habits formed early on and drilled throughout my academic career.

I don’t think there’s anything in this month’s issues that says drink after you post on your blog, but I may start my own first tradition and pour some bubbly to celebrate.  Cheers!!

Tini's & Tata's

What should one do, say, when they've lost the equivalent of a small child in weight? When they now need some body-enhancing and spirit-enhancing feminine goodies? When it's been decided that The Girls need a boost? When one needs help walking through the ultimate intimidation of the House that super beautiful (and well-endowed) models built ... for the first time ever?


That's right ... one gathers 4 of her besties, sucks it up (literally) and heads to "Vicky's" (VS, Victoria's, whatever you call it). And it takes no less than 4 lovelies, people, plus the helpful sales assistant, to achieve the goal of walking out with the right stuff:


- The organizer to make sure the sales gal understands what stage of sizing we're at and to ask her to bring more to get the perfect fit (even if it's more than 20 different kinds)

- The caretaker/shopper to go out onto the floor and search for the perfect color and make suggestions once the perfect style is found

- The artist to make you try on the top contenders over and over, shirt off/shirt on, sizing up boobs-to-waist ratio and proper cleavage visuals

- The agent to adjust, perfect the fit, negotiate the look, represent the husband's perspective

Once the pretty pink bags were all filled, the next best thing is heading to the bar for GNO Martinis and some down and dirty girl talk.

Tini's & Tata's field trip = total success (especially the from the feedback on the homefront)

Thanks ladies!!!

My Crazy Heart is Distracting Me

I don't know what it is lately, but I'm having feelings. The kind of feelings that are hard to describe in words, especially for me since I rarely let feelings get anywhere near me (except anger and impatience - those I'm real familiar with).

What do these feelings mean??? And am I supposed to be feeling this all the time? Usually I can name it, claim it and move on. Now even my dreams are manifesting weirdness, and you know how I love my dream world!!!

I feel anxious, almost like a worry, like I've forgotten something or need to fix something. But at the same time, it's an eager anxious, not ominous. What's that about?

I have butterflies in my stomach - but I'm not nervous. It's more anticipatory. But I have no clue what I'm anticipating. It's like I'm looking forward to something all the time ... just wish I knew what it was so that when it gets here I'll know to be ecstatic.

I get short of breath - not in a physical, heart-attacky way. Its just that I have to remind myself to breath, in and out, deeply, just to stay grounded. And alive.

I'm about ready to jump out of my skin more frequently. Like my need for speed and to just get going. My fantasies about getting a motorcycle are more frequent than ever and with summer coming up ... just don't be surprised if you see me heading for the hills on a Honda Shadow or something like it.

And my crazy heart is distracting me. My concentration is at times sharper and sometimes nowhere to be found. It's like someone is trying to pry my heart open with the jaws of life to get at something that I really can't fathom is there. It races (not in the hormones-gone-awry way), and flips and sometimes just hurts from whatever internal battles are raging in there. It feels strange, not bad, but definitely not usual for me.

But I'm also the most calm, clear and happy I've been in a long time. Never content mind you (I'm always looking for what's next), but I seem to be ready for something.

Could it also be that I've opened my heart to others, when it's been closed off for so long - a protective shield built way back in my childhood, finally breaking down to let other's hearts touch mine? One of my internal voices is telling me it's emotional suicide to make myself so vulnerable to others, yet another voice is rejoicing that I'm finally making true connections with my friends - old and new.

I'm good sitting with these feelings for a while, not ready to make them go away just yet. I'd have eaten them away in the past, but those bad habits are thankfully vanquished. They make me feel hopeful, connected to something bigger, able to give more of myself to others.

And maybe, just maybe, all of my recent self-reflection is guiding me finally to learning who I am and what I want in my life and that is the most exciting thing of all!

5 Ways To Find Happiness Today

Funny - I realized in re-reading my blog posts that I rarely blog when I'm happy, just mostly when I'm overwhelmed. So I won't feel guilty about not blogging much in the last year - means I was mostly very happy. Friday is tomorrow and I thought a nice way to kick off the weekend would be to share 5 ways to get to happy!

1. Find time to get together with friends.
Nearly every weekend since before Christmas we have spent time with friends and/or family. The charge you get from spending time with people you truly like and love is an immediate happy booster. This is your open invitation to give us a holler - we'd love to see you. I think we get to spend time talking vacations with the Delano-Sprombergs Saturday night as well as celebrating J's end of basketball season with his longtime Shark team pals. I'm jazzed already!

2. Recall an achievement you made in the last 7 days and be proud.
No matter how small (if the dishes or the laundry got done at least once, that counts), accomplishments make us feel good about ourselves and give us a boost of energy and confidence that can last all day. I managed to get re-finance paperwork together for our broker AND I got our nice City inspector to sign off on our traffic control inspection for the work we're having done in our yard. She even commented that my drawings submitted with the permit app was better than most contractors. Well thank you VERY much!! Oh, and bonus for me, my dentist and dental hygienist both gave me huge kudos for flossing regularly and gave me an A+ for a beautiful set of pearly whites. See, it's the little things.

3. Recall something you learned in the last week.
Again, it doesn't have to be huge to have a beneficial impact. What's something you know now that you didn't know before? This week, I learned about excavating. I know, you can hardly contain your excitement. Me too!!!

4. Continue to work towards a goal, even if its one teeny tiny step.
Do at least one thing that will bring you one step closer to a goal you have. I think I have a date wtih Home Depot to start shopping for our house projects. Yay!!

5. Tickle your kids. And kiss your spouse/significant other/closest stranger on the street (Ok not the last one really unless you are really happy) for at least 60 seconds ... Deeply, passionately, continuously.
I cant wait for tomorrow already!!!

Have a happy Friday all!