Having It All

We all know this one: “You can’t have it all.”  I was talking with a friend on our Halloween walk following the kids last night and I found myself agreeing with her – you can’t really have it *ALL*.  But then I started to think about that and wondered why I couldn’t have it all.  I know that one can’t have something both ways.  For example, one can’t have and not have kids.  One can’t be married and not married.  One can’t be here and there at the same time.  But is what I’m asking for *ALL*?  And if not, why can’t I have it?

The discussion was around travel and how much I missed it vs raising kids to be the strong, confident, smart kids that I seem to have.  Having lived abroad for 10 years and experiencing extensive travel in my childhood and into my 30’s, I was brought up to believe travel was part of our education, of our life experience.  I always knew it wasn’t everyone’s experience and I was always grateful for the opportunities I had, but it was my ‘normal’.  Then I got married, had kids and the travel substantially slowed down even though it’s one of my greatest pleasures.  I mentioned how envious I was that my friend took the time to travel with her close girlfriend for a week in Italy, just the 2 of them, and were later joined by their spouses for one more week.  I have never done that.  For as much international travel as I have done, I have never traveled with a girlfriend.  I am lucky enough to have a mother/former business partner with whom I was able to share great journeys through our work.  But to have the opportunity now that I have kids, husband, mortgages, dog, responsibilities, a business … that’s the stuff my dreams are made of.

The thing is how do I have it all?  How do I get my new business off the ground, manage a family and a household, raise great kids and keep a relationship going?  How do I manage the schedules, the activities, the responsibilities and the tight budget and add all the things I want like travel and time with friends and family?  How do I find time for exercise and date nights, and creating a successful business that will give me the freedom to do a lot?

So I know I can’t have it ALL – I just want all that I want.

I Just Like To Do It

I admit it. I like to DO. I also like to write. But for some reason I don't like to write about doing. It's anticlimactic.

If I write about what I’m about to do, it’s pressure and I feel the need to buck authority, even though I’m the authority.  It somehow signals that now I have to do this thing. It then loses its draw.

If I write about it after I do, then it seems self-serving, boasting, me-centered and begs the questions “WTH do they care about that?” or “So what?”

It just all feels a little neurotic … not unlike my life actually.

But since September has come to a close and I actually did use some of the advice culled from my magazine reading, I’ll offer the brief synopsis of my take-aways from last month so I can catch up with this month already.

From O, The Oprah Magazine:

I was happy to be validated that I have confidence, am assertive and use my personal power. I use my body to think, putting myself in power poses which lead me to make bigger, riskier decisions, be physically strong, have a high tolerance for pain and see the opportunities around me. I know when to “play high” and when to “play low”.  So for those who’ve had to endure my feet-on-the-desk moments – that was strategic!

Was satisfied that I had an OK ECO IQ – I already use the dishwasher more than washing by hand (duh!), I drink beverages mostly out of aluminum cans and hardly out of glass bottles, I switched from buying paper books to adding e-books to my new Nook that I got for Christmas from my hubby and I don’t wash my car – ever - so I’m super Eco Star there.   However, things to improve on: use plastic wrap instead of aluminum foil (just don’t use a lot), change bulbs to LED bulbs over CFL’s and don’t use the treadmill as often.  OK, that last one not really but I ‘could’ walk outside instead.  That would lead to drastically reduced exercise – I would never actually go for a walk in the cold, rainy weather we live in.
I stopped fitting my life to my work and started fitting my work to my life.  It’s a work in progress to go from corporate exec to entrepreneur, but I know it’s the right thing for me and for my family.

Want to try Dr Oz’ Cornmeal-Crusted Tofu with Mashed Sweet Potatoes.  Not a tofu fan, but want to eat better.  I will also take a look at the blog 100daysofrealfood.com to see if I can get help.

From BH&G:

I used to fold my bras in a drawer.  I now “file” them to keep them in better shape.  Who knew?!?

I bought a new shade of nail polish for the fall and did my own pedicure.  Essie’s “Sexy Divide” – decidedly purple! Color: Fab.  Pedicure: most definitely need professional help.

Want to try to make Sweet Potato Soup with Curried Cheese Crisps for dinner.  Hmmm … I sense a pattern and craving for sweet potatoes!

New after school schedule and habits: I moved my work station to the dining room table and now the kids both join me when they get home and have a quick snack.  We all do homework together, read and get tomorrow’s stuff done.  It all gets done faster, they feel that they have help and know that they have the rest of the evening to themselves or at least won’t have to do homework after sports when they are tired.  And I can spend quality time with them and they are learning more.  This is a first since our daughter was born 11 years ago.  Makes my decision to have a home office worth it!

It was National Yoga Month and I was able to get a fabulous private session in at home with Karen from Phyzz Yoga.  I HAVE to find a way to do that more often!!

From Prevention:

I.Knew. It! – I can blame my increase in waist size over the years on my pelvis.  Presumable the pelvis keeps growing after the rest of the skeleton stops and increases waist size.  Ha – Not My Fault! (well, that felt good for a moment… now back to reality – it is my fault).

From Self:

“Au revoir to office ass” (their title, not mine!) – 120 moves 3 times a week and supposedly my butt will be perky.  Not to share TMI, but nothing I’ve ever had has been *perky*.  Testing starting now …

Again a greening makeover – less food waste.  Practicing a little “Kaizen”, cooking portions sizes we’ll eat and not more, following shopping list and decreasing impulse buying, only buying what we need for the week.  Supposedly I can save up to $900 per year this way.  Works for me!

Getting my braniac on – never thought I’d be one to play online games, but yes, I downloaded the Words With Friends app to improve my brain power and had three games going this month.  Yeah – lost all three games, but was close on 2 of them.  Still good to have a little brain stimulation and friendly competition.  Taking on people we know bolsters talking and bonding, leaving us more fulfilled.  Amen to that!  Thanks Linda, Misty and Dana for playing with me.

Better parenting - I finally have time in the morning to fix a better breakfast for the kids.  My daughter will now request a "terry bagel" (named for a friend who introduced us to this little piece of heaven on our camping trips) or a scramble.  Egg, turkey or canadian bacon, veggies, some cheese ... Waaayyyy better than daily routine of mini pancakes in the microwave with syrup (even if it was sugar free). Feeling a little less guilty.

3 steps forward 1 step back – sleep.  Was supposed to get more sleep by working from home … not so much.  Have more on my mind, more on my task list and less help this month, so the workday ends between 12:30a and 2a and alarm clock goes off at 6:55a.  I wouldn’t call after 10pm of you really want a pleasant conversation.  Snarky is what you’ll get at that time.

I also wanted to dance more this month, especially with the kids.  And I wanted to practice holding plank so I could do it for three minutes straight.  I think I’m still at about 30 seconds.

The 5-year plan – so this will be done in baby steps, ‘cause it asks me to “rip up my to-do list”, start dreaming and dare to make those dreams a reality.  Anyone who knows me knows that to not have a to-do list is just not going to happen.  I live and breathe the to-do list.  I really want to do away with them, I do, but when I try, I make even more lists.  On the phone, the computer, several paper versions by week, day, hour and sometimes minutes.   But I do want to live a more meaningful and fulfilled life so I did put a few things on my TaskPro list to make that happen.  Next month, when I have a little more time (ha!), I will create my vision board and write down goals that will allow me to savor the process of achieving, not just the achievement of it. And this mini goal setting is actually the key to getting the big goals checked off the list, so I guess I’m on my way!  I like the last page of this mag for its inspiration:

“No one who has achieved greatness got there by following an easy path laid out by others.  She did it by creating he own vision and striving to achieve, then surpass it.  Now that the lazy days of summer are behind, it’s time to renew focus.  Think of what you want to accomplish, and take a step toward it every day.  You are standing on the brink of something spectacular.”

And that’s what I’m counting on!!

Tini's & Tata's

What should one do, say, when they've lost the equivalent of a small child in weight? When they now need some body-enhancing and spirit-enhancing feminine goodies? When it's been decided that The Girls need a boost? When one needs help walking through the ultimate intimidation of the House that super beautiful (and well-endowed) models built ... for the first time ever?


That's right ... one gathers 4 of her besties, sucks it up (literally) and heads to "Vicky's" (VS, Victoria's, whatever you call it). And it takes no less than 4 lovelies, people, plus the helpful sales assistant, to achieve the goal of walking out with the right stuff:


- The organizer to make sure the sales gal understands what stage of sizing we're at and to ask her to bring more to get the perfect fit (even if it's more than 20 different kinds)

- The caretaker/shopper to go out onto the floor and search for the perfect color and make suggestions once the perfect style is found

- The artist to make you try on the top contenders over and over, shirt off/shirt on, sizing up boobs-to-waist ratio and proper cleavage visuals

- The agent to adjust, perfect the fit, negotiate the look, represent the husband's perspective

Once the pretty pink bags were all filled, the next best thing is heading to the bar for GNO Martinis and some down and dirty girl talk.

Tini's & Tata's field trip = total success (especially the from the feedback on the homefront)

Thanks ladies!!!

My Utopia

Every year, I try to spend some time on figuring out resolutions. So far, this year I haven't spent but a few moments before passing out in bed in the early morning hours thinking of what I want this coming year. I am a night owl and time off at the holidays was perfect for my indulgences in getting some family business organized (doesn't budgeting and your annual financial analysis just really do it for you, too?!?!?!?) and massive channel surfing so 10 minutes of pre-sleep list-making doesn't make for very strong resolutions.

The usual suspects make this year's list, as they have every year:
- Get healthy, lose weight (to get healthy)
- Spend more time with friends and family
- Get our home organized, re-do Julian's room
- Figure out how to win the lottery, or at least how to do better at spending and making money
- Not just think of myself first (although I don't really know how to do that) but to actually do something that will be good for my mind, body and spirit.

I'd love to get whiter teeth, download nine years of mini DV's onto DVD's and figure out how to move my iTunes library to my laptop (if anyone knows how to do either, please please PLEASE HELP), make a family 2008 photo album, and read all 25 books that I've started and are all on the floor by my bed. I also don't want to buy anything that we don't need, use or love and would like Myron to follow that philosophy, too. If we accumulate much more stuff in our house or in our garage I may go postal!

More sex, less yelling at the kids; more time playing, less trying to figure out what's for lunch/dinner; more sun, less rain (oh right, that one's out of my control).

I'd like to know how to make one or two favorite drinks and meals perfectly, understand how to read my investment account statements (are those dashes in front of the number normal???), and stop feeling guilty about the damage I'm doing to my kids by letting them watch so much TV.

I can go on and on, but the little dreams I have that fill my heart with longing is a utopia that will likely remain a dream:

Living in a community development with my close friends as neighbors in a beautiful area overlooking the Sound with good schools nearby. Custom built buildings including communal kid playroom/adult playroom, hobby room, sports courts and pool and outdor kitchen with fun/sparkling lights strung across the courtyard. Earning a living by doing something creative that everyone in the world can't live without. Holiday craft parties and cookie baking sessions, summer plays and concerts - performed by all who live there - and lots of pool parties, friendly contests and competitions, watching each other's kids on date nights out and late night brainstorming sessions on how to be of service to the world (and actually following through on the ideas). In this world, no such thing as limited money, resources or time. No conflicts, only days filled with joy and laughter. There would always be enough room for new friends to join and nothing but love, love, love!

Yep, that's my utopia.

And I've masterfully managed to make it one more day without having to figure out my plan for not eating my MIL's delicious homemade peanut brittle in the pantry (once that's gone there's still holiday cookies and chocolate that beckons) while sizing up international dance champions, catching up on BET's top 25 breakups of all time, getting the gist of the new "beauty is more than skin deep" reality show by watching only 6.5 non-consecutive minutes including the elimination, weighing in on what house to buy on HGTV show, entering the HGTV's Dream Home contest, watching the news (what is the Governor up to, anyway?) and blogging. Yep - it took me 1.5 hours to write this!

Tomorrow ... that's when I'll make that health/fitness/diet plan. For sure!

The Unofficial New Year

It's the second most stressful day of my year ... the first day of school. Not really for what it is, but what it signifies. It's the 2nd "New Year's Day" - the day when I expect that everything on my to do list will be done and I will have a fresh start. But just like the real deal - it never happens that way. As a matter of fact, just the opposite. So I'm back to my crazy life and nothing has changed for me.

I wish that it was my first day of school, but that I knew everything I know today. Mac started 3rd and Juice is a big Kindergartner! Next year they will both be in the same school and frankly I can't wait. Here they are with great big happy smiles on their first day - they are excited at the new adventures this year will bring and I envy their innocence and giddy excitment.

Juice is the 'poser'. I think he might actually do really well in modeling this year, but he wants to do Tae Kwon Do and basketball.

Mac can't wait to see her best friends - it's been a whole two weeks since they last saw each other after all.

So here's to childhood and their fresh starts. I won't ruin it for them with what real life will be like in 30 years or so!

Again With The Memory

This time it's a trip down memory lane. I had lunch today with an ex employee of mine who has moved to Texas, unfortunately divorced (husband was gay), is changing jobs, has three kids (two are same ages as mine) and who still keeps in touch with a few of the old group. It was nice to see her, get caught up on what people were doing , get contact info for a few that I hopefully will remember to reach out to next month and just gab about old times and new in general. All of a sudden I did start remembering people and their names, things we did, etc.

Another of my ex employees dropped her daughter off to babysit Juice tonight while Myron's at work late and I headed off the a work dinner. We had a minute to catch up on some gossip. And I even knew what she was talking about. We made a point of exchanging good dates to get together and hopefully we'll see them in a couple of weeks. And I'll probably start remembering more.

I also had dinner with my management team at 0/8 Seafood Grill in Bellevue. Well let me tell you - I had no idea so much was happening on Friday nights. Doesn't everyone go home, eat pizza and pass out on Fridays? Apparently not - streets were full of cars, people were dressed up and listening to live music, and having fun. Right - I remember those days now, too.

So maybe it's not my memory that's the problem but a lack of time and contact with people to be remembering. I guess it's a habit. Or a lifestyle. Or it's just time to be making new memories.

Last Days Of School

I don't know who is more excited about these last days of school - the kids or me! No other year has been more hectic, calendar busting, task list making, or busier than this without a break and I can truly say that I am so glad summer vacation is almost here. I am trying really hard to slow down and make the most of the next 10 weeks until school starts again ... but 10 weeks seems so short when spring weather hasn't even arrived yet!

Mac has 10 full weeks of summer camps - everything from Adventuring including Geocaching to Jump Rope Camp, Hip Hop Camp, Singing/Acting Camp, Karate Camp and Cheer Camp with some POM and swimming lessons sprinkled in there. Julian's summer will be at LFPM still, but he has graduated from Pre-school and is in the same class with the 5 year olds. He will have a good experience too with some time in Chelan with the grandparents and we have 2 weeks of camping vacation planned - Silverwood, ID and Cannon Beach, OR with a side trip to Ohanapecosh (Mt Rainier).

Still, I do wish that I had summer vacation too. 10 weeks of sun and fun, no responsibilities, being with friends and just goofing off sounds divine. My kids know they have it good ... Mac says all the time that she wants to stay a kid and that she doesn't want to grow up. I always wanted to grow up faster when I was young, but she knows she's lucky and that these are the good days.

And as usual, we really want to get outside more, get together with friends and just really chill out. Will this be the year we can do that? Will this be the year that I learn how to make a really mean Cosmo? Do I have it in me to keep the to do list at bay for 10 full weeks? How many laughs with friends can I get? We need to finish painting and re-doing the bedrooms on the main floor, but could that be the only project we do - and can we do it leisurely without pressure?!? We'll see I guess.

Here's to 10 weeks of trying to relax and have fun - maybe I can take a page from my kid's book, huh!