I drove Mac to Leavenworth to pass her off to my parents for a few days of Spring Break in Chelan. McKenna and my Mom are two peas in a pod ... they get along, understand each other, can co-exist so easily. It's been that way since Mac was born. It's such a strong bond, such a unique relationship; many can't quiet understand it. I'm awed by it and happy that Mac has such a person in her life. She's always happy to be there - she always has lots of fun and has lots of terrific adventures!
But every time I drop her off and have to leave her, we both fight back tears. She tries so hard to be brave - she doesn't want to make her grandma feel bad. I'm always so proud of her, but as soon as we drive off in opposite directions, I miss her terribly.
Today, on the three hour drive to Leavenworth, we talked a little, but mostly listened to Alvin and the Chipmunks CD. At some point, I asked her why she was so quiet (the usual state in our family, especially during trips) and asked if she'd rather we talked more and she said "yes". Well, for anyone else, that might be great to hear from your daughter. For me however, not the easiest thing. See, I'm not much of a talker and it's really hard for me to chit chat - even with my kids. So even at her request, I couldn't come up with anything to say. And the less I said, the more pressure I put on myself and then guilt set in. I was now officially the worst mother in the world!
I can talk to groups of hundreds of people, lead discussions with dozens, but one-on-one - that's where I crumble. I am generally of the opinion that no one is really interested in my opinion or my ideas or my thoughts. Most of the time, I have no egoic need to have the first or the last word, or to say what I think. I like to get info. I'm more apt to ask questions than to answer them. I'm interested, but not all that interesting. So I am really out of practice when it comes to originating conversations. But I NEED to figure out how to talk to my kids. I can live the rest of my life without having to become an expert at chatting with strangers, but I don't consider that an option when it comes to my babies. They need me and they need to learn how to connect with others via verbal communication. They need great role models and I want to be one of them.
So on the three hour trip back from Leavenworth, I wracked my brain on what I could do and how we could become a family of talkers and ... I'm stumped! So I'll be on a mission to find resources and ask questions of others - as I always do! I hope it's not too late.
In the meantime, I'll count the days and hours til I get to pick up my sweet girl on Thursday.
5 comments:
This post totally hit home! Even though I'm a "chit-chatter," my own difficulty is drawing information out of my girl. This is what has seemed to work lately: I ask her what was the worst part and what was the best part of her day. It usually gets her talking a bit. Then I share my own worst/best stories. xoxo Hugs
R: How searingly honest of you.
The kicker is that most parents talk too much (including moi!) In fact, often our children need a parent who will simply listen and not speak, particularly as they hit those teen years.
No magic handbook my friend but as we found in our family, interactive card games, family game nights, etc can often provide a nice segue into chatting about all manner of things.
In fact the next GNO that I see you, I'm going to give you this fun little key ring I have, which has silly little questions to get everyone talking, particularly useful with children on those interminably long car rides!
You are so fabulous. I think you are one of the most insightful, thoughtful, genuine people I know. How honest and wonderful of you to share this part of your parenting journey with us. They are so blessed to have you.
As someone who has no filter & talks about anything/everything that comes to mind I doubt I am much help. As you know, I am also an interrogator but thankfully those of you that I interrogate know I genuinely care & we all wind up sharing and growing closer because of it. I also happen to be very direct with my kids which they do not seem to mind a bit but they are used to it. So like Kiwi said I always ask about their days, what they ate at their friend's house, what the best part of school was (things I am sure you do as well) but I never let it go at a few ?s--I pry and pry. I understand if it's not your nature it may feel awkward and imposing. I also understand that if you come from the mindset that you need only to speak when you have something real interesting to share than that can also be a real challenge. Again, since I have no filter, much of what I say is NOT interesting or important but it sure gets these little hens clucking. And I also think I fall into Carrie's explanation of overtalking! k
Thanks dear friends! You have all provided some thoughtful options to getting my tongue wagging a bit more in the direction of my family. We still haven't made an major inroads on this, but now that I'm aware, I will try my very best.
Thanks for your loving advice - it is cherished more that I can say (ha ha - get it?!?).
WOW ... and I have to say I'm 100% in the same boat. Listening is key but getting the conversation started is the tough part for me. Asking questions, one-on-one is hard. At times I wish I had a piece of k's "no filter" trait. Selfishly I'm happy to know I'm not alone with these feelings. Thank you for being so honest and sharing.
- m
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