It's time. I need to do it. I need to take the leap and face my fear. It's been over a week and not doing it makes no sense. If it was just about me, it wouldn't be so hard. But it involves you and that's what stops me in my tracks ... I want to spare you the decision, the obligatory responsibility and the consequences of my actions but I can't. I made the decision to start and I need to follow through, regardless of your comfort level. It's not my usual MO, but if Iam to succeed in my mission, then the choice is clear.
I could apologize in advance for what I need to do, but I won't. That would be counter-productive and then what? It's just that once I really do it, there's no going back. No putting the genie back in the bottle. It'll be out there, for everyone to judge.
I could make excuses ... after all it'll require a lot of time and effort just for this one little thing. Individual communications, maybe even ongoing conversations. Oh right ... that's what I intended. Nonetheless, it could take weeks to get this done. And then will this even be relevant?
Right now, it feels so safe. The anonimity, the lack of expectation, no requirement of response. But that's not what's meant to be. It meant to be out there, for many to see, read and judge. It's meant to connect, offer different perspective perhaps, and maybe once in a while give pause for thought. My real hope is that it helps me get my creative groove back, that it it reminds me that I am a risk taker and that making the leap is always worth it.
So here I go, letting this flow outward into the general stream of consciousness, from my place of worry and fear into the universe, looking to put out good and get some back.
I'm finally making my blog public!!
Feel free to let me know what you think and if this resonates with you or someone you know, feel free to forward. I do want to thank you for reading, if you've gone this far. I am grateful for my family, my friends and their friends and I look forward to what this brings.
3 comments:
You're awesome and your voice is valuable! Fear is so strange...meant to protect us from danger, but our brains are unable to see others' judgement as a non-threat.
I know, also, the terror of having associates and friends read my stuff as opposed to the strangers out there whom I will never have to answer to, or dealing with the network of gossip about how messed up I might be based on the words I've put out...I just try to remember that we all have these doubts, most people are more consumed with their own troubles than mine and, finally, are probably relieved to read something so real coming from someone they might actually "gasp" like?!.
Not having it all together and perfect makes us even more likeable, I guess, although I've felt so much pressure to put that image out to the world. Congratulations on putting yourself out there, dear Rebecca. I support you 100%!
XO
Bonnie
Congrats baby I knew you could do it. I'm sure you will discover something fantastic in your blog travels. I'll look forward to blogging with you from time to time. love you bfn
Myron
Way to go, sista! You are public. Isn't it crazy blogging makes us paranoid and makes us "edit" ourselves (which defeats the purpose of blogging a bit it seems) and also makes us feel vain (or at least it does that for me...) and so many other emotions but there is something very gratifying about being accepted---as we are. I am proud of you and I am so pleased to be a part of your journey....o, k
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