Make it Stop!

It started the week before last. A slow spin, then it caught more speed, spinning and spinning and finally today I really felt completely out of control. Does this ever happen to you? You have so much to do, but the more you have and put on the to do list your mind starts spitting out more and more things you need to do, and it happens especially when you can't write things down like on the drive home, in the store, at your kid's basketball practice. Well, I'm there! The tape recorder is winding and re-winding. I'm trying to keep up, but can't seem to make it stop.

Work issues are usually what start it off and I have plenty of those. Staffing issues, big projects that need to be started and finished, a long list of things I need to do to make improvements but my day to day preempts me from moving forward on most of those. I spent much of the evening air talking to one of my staff members, talking myself through scenario after scenario, getting upset with the invisible person next to me, trying to write notes on whatever I had handy so as not to lose key points or connecting thoughts or trails of facts.

But as if that wasn't enough, the household stuff jumps into the fray and now I have months and months of tasks begging for attention in my brain. The flowers outside need to be dead-headed (that was supposed to happen in November!), the pile of papers and other odds and ends in the boxes in the corner of our bedroom must be handled, mid-winter break projects need to be planned for and who is going to be where and when for the next 6 months seems to be a jumbled mess in my head.

These are the times when I most need a break - a sabbatical, time for myself, uniterrupted. But I soldier on, work through the confusion, write down as much as possible so I don't forget and try to forgive myself if something does fall through the cracks. I've been sick since January 1st and have yet to find time to call, let alone see, a doctor. My foot is killing me, but stop for an appointment? Sorry - no time.

I know the rhetoric ... take care of yourself so you can take care of everyone else. Put yourself first. Health is the most important - take care of that first. All well and good, but not as easy to implement. So for now tomorrow is another day and I will attempt to quiet the noise in my head and just get things done.