World Peace

I love my friend Deanne - she especially has an endearing thought about how to end poverty. The government should just print more money!!! Never mind that we try to explain what happens when governments print more money, she clings to the thought that solving that problem should really be that simple.

For me, it's world peace. I just can't understand why it isn't possible. It seems so darned simple, yet it can't be done. If everyone (and I really do mean everyone!!!), would just mind their own business, focus on their own issues, and truly help their neighbor, regardless of color, creed, religion, sex, sexual preference, thoughts, beliefs, etc. that would be a start. If all people would absolutely NEVER be malevolently or purposefully violent towards another human or animal or EVER knowlingly harm another, couldn't that possibly get us much closer to world peace? If everyone accepted that others have thoughts and beliefs that don't necessarily match their own, but didn't worry about what others thought or believed, would that help bring us closer? What is it that makes humans OK with hurting someone else? Why do kids bully each other or laugh when something bad happens to someone else? Why do people steal, rape, kill?

I understand that it's a complex issue, but I really just want it to be simple. Simply love thy fellow human being, NO MATTER WHAT! Everyone, Everywhere! No judgements, no deceptions, no greed, no crazy thinking, no hitting or abusing, no name calling or gossiping, no mean actions, no harming, no violence, no coveting other's property or person, no lying, no manipulating, no cheating, no bullying, no putting down, no hating. It really isn't that hard to do!

McKenna's teacher asked her 2nd grade class to practice Peace over the holiday break and I thought that was really great. A hard concept for some, but something 7 year olds get. Why can't 17 year olds, 27 year olds, 57 year olds, etc.?

I have enough stuff, so I really don't want many things for Christmas, but I really would love World Peace. So here's to practicing Peace over the Holidays.

Give Me A Break

It's late. Its always late when I find time to catch up on personal emails and read favorite blogs. I'm bone tired and I still have tons of things to do before Christmas. Actually, I can't see the end in sight! And I feel guilty for not blogging. Not that my blog is serious entertainment or a "must-read" for many, but because I committed to doing this and I haven't for a while, I feel guilty.

So I'll just say it - I need to give me a break. It's OK to let things be until I feel inspired, or as the case may be at least awake.

So I'll just vicariously live through my friends' blogs! Happy Holidays if I don't happen to be able to get on again for a while.

What I Learned At School Today

I did something today that I wish I did more often - I volunteered at Mac's school for a fun toy-making, science-experiencing project. Rick Hartman (aka Toy Man) spent time at the elementary school working with the 2nd graders making 'gravity people'. The kids had so much fun making their own hammers, then using the hammers to build their toys. Then they spent time experimenting on how to make their 'people' move using gravity, wind, etc. There was an artistic aspect for those who like that and all the kids were really creative in decorating their toys (Mac made basketballs and hoops for hers).

But what I learned is that I really like to help out my kids and their friends with their projects. I smile at their creativity, at they way they get into the project and really try to apply their learning. I don't remember ever being that way. I love the way they get excited when things come together, as if by magic. Each one has such great ideas and they love to share with their friends, neighbors and teachers. It's easy to offer compliments to everyone - they all give their 100% and they have no expectations. And they visibly feel good when they get compliments.

So I keep moving forward with my plans to work fewer hours and spend more time with the kids, taking time to volunteer at their schools and spending time learning about what they are learning. I never thought I'd want to do that, but it really is.

And actually I did learn something very cool - I can balance 6 nails on one - if you don't believe me just ask me to show you - you too will be amazed!

On Being a Mom (I)

This little ditty really says a lot about being a mom- I'll let her tell it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxT5NwQUtVM
Hope it makes you smile :-)

I Love Business Reviews

This has been one hell of a week! I wished it was Friday Monday morning at 8am. But sometimes in the middle of craziness there are moments of levity. One such happened Tuesday night. I picked up Juice (our 4 year old) and after I heard about his day, he sweetly asked me about my day. I told him it had been a hard day, that I had lots of things that needed to be done and that I'd had a meeting that was a little scary at Microsoft - the place he'd been to with me a few weeks ago when he didn't have school and he had to come to work with me - but that I think I did OK in the end. The scary thing I had to do was called a "Business Review". He immediately piped up and said: "I LOVE Business Reviews!"

I had to smile because he was so enthusiastic - never mind that he had no clue what a business review was. I asked him what he liked most about Business Reviews and he said: "Why don't you tell me about yours." So I did. I told him that I had to put together a presentation, with words and pictures, that I had to do a lot of reading and writing to get it right, that I had to use some math to give the people good information. I'd have to do a show and tell of my work in front of many people and I had to answer questions about my work. "I love all of that!" was his comment and I know it was probably true. He's learning to read and write and add and subtract and for a pre-schooler he is pretty darned great at it. He amazes me with all the stuff he knows and learns. I asked him if he wanted to do business reviews when he grows up and he said yes, along with tap dancing, hip hop, playing guitar, playing basketball, etc, etc.

I'm glad I have stories like this to remember .. it makes the hard times a little easier to handle.

Monday, Monday

I have the Monday blues. I have had the Monday blues ever since I started working for others. I never had these feelings when I worked for myself at INternational SITES. And I don't know anyone who works for themselves to have the blues, at least not often.

What is it about having to "go to work" that is so depressing?

For me, it's the lack of control over the schedule, having to be sitting in an office for a determined number of hours rather than able to control my schedule and how I operate daily. It's turning over control of my time to so many others. It's about having others controlling my actions most of the day, every day. I do stuff for employees, clients, bosses - nothing I do is for me. It doesn't nourish my soul, and most of the time, doesn't challenge my brain. It's just so unproductive for my taste. Ughhhh!

What I want is a paid sabbatical or to win the lottery (yes, I do play). I've been working non-stop since I was 17 years old (that's 27 years for those of you counting). I took only very brief leaves of absence with each of my two kids and only my full vacation times in the last few years and the word 'tired' is quite appropriate. So queue the dream ripple and let's take a walk down the dreamy path of "what if" ...

What if I had the freedom of time and money?! What would be my ultimate lifestyle?

I'd take time to get my house in order - organizing, cleaning out, increasing the efficiency and fun factor in our house. I'd start our main living space remodel and get a working stovetop and replace my easy bake oven.
I'd have my kids home right after school, spending more time with them and getting more involved in their lives (arrange more playdates, and yes, getting involved in the PTA and/or School District).
I'd spend more time with my hubbie, acting on some of our dreams to get projects into production and just plain connect more with each other - something that gets tested and challenged and squeezed out by the fact of having little kids to tend to .
I'd really get Dosha Group off the ground, too. Services for all small business owners who need help to live their visions and their own ultimate lifestyle. I'd be able to follow up on some of those great leads I already have and help others in a really meaningful way.
I'd travel with my family. I had the tremendous advantage when I was younger to have two parents working in the airline industry when perks were really worth it. I grew up in Switzerland and we travelled to so many wonderful places - China, Hong Kong, Phillipines, India, all over Europe and many US States, and I got an incredible education in global awareness during these travels. I want the same for my kids - there's really nothing like experiencing first hand the beauty and wonder of other countries. Ours is great, but the world has so much to offer!
I'd try to find a way to make a living from vacationing. It's really my favorite thing to do!
I'd pick up a hobby - something creative, most likely something to do with pictures and video.
I'd definitely spend more time with friends! My spirit aches for lack of real connection with my friends and I haven't been able to give any time to creating new connections.
I'd learn many things. I'd take classes from as many places as I could find, on so many subjects that I've wanted to learn about.
I'd have really fun and possibly helpful things to blog about, cause I'd spend at least an hour a day finding those perfect nuggets of knowledge to pass on.
I'd become more technologically savvy - finding a way to use all the gadgets we own and make the most out of them.
And I'd workout every day. This one may have to be moved to the very top of the list - and it can't wait until I have more time or money ... If I don't do something soon, I know I will spend precious time regretting that I didn't start sooner. Focus on health would be a very top priority.

I'm sure I can find lots more to do, but these would most definitely make the list.

But back to reality and here I am, blogging and watching the 11 o'clock news, a pile of laundry on my bed and on the dining room table and the reminder that I have lots of big projects, deadlines and responsiblities sitting on my desk when I hit the office tomorrow morning.

I know I've opened the door to what I need to do and I will .. when I'm ready to make that leap. Until then, I'll have a few more bluesy Sundays to deal with.

Butt Flickers

Driving home last night I was actually paying attention to the road instead of listening to the radio or talking on the phone or to myself. And that's when I clearly saw the car in front of me flick their cigarette butt out of the car window.

I just don't get that! Every car has an ashtray! Is it a storage issue? A smell issue? A mental issue? I do not care much if you smoke (I am grateful that I don't have to put up with smoke in bars or restaurants anymore), but smoking is your choice - and not a major character flaw to be judged. But I do take major offense to you littering ... That does affect me. Whether its your cigarette butts or anything else, are you too lazy to just put things in a garbage? Seriously, your garbage in my world is disgusting and rude!

So I'm adding a new feature to my posts: Butt Flicker of the day and I'm going to call you out. Others should feel free to call out the Butt FLickers they see too. And if you recognize yourself, at least decide to make a change! Just don't do it anymore.

So to the White Jeep WA plates 722 WTA, traveling north on I-5 at 6:30pm on 11/21/07, you are a Butt Flicker!

The Magic of Airbrushing

My sister-in-law Alicia had a great comment about Dana Delaney (see earlier post and comments). Alicia is the one with the really great sense of humor in our circle of sisters. And she makes a great point that we all would look great if only we had someone to airbrush our pictures.

I can never see those things right off the bat. I usually take things for what they appear to be which makes me what they call gullible much of the time. And my memory isn't always that great, so I forget things a lot. Not a good combination!

But I do remember an airbrush-like picture of me, a long time ago. Mid eighties ... big hair ... shoulder pads ... Can you say "Glamour Shots"?

I was President of Seattle Ad2, the junior club of the Seattle Advertising Federation and President-Elect of the National Club, trying to make a name for myself. Being in advertising, there were lots of opportunities for publicity and I was getting some press. I needed a head shot. I've never been fond of taking my picture, but I valiantly headed with a few wardrobe changes to the local mall Glamor Shots place. I have also never been one to know much about hair and makeup until recently, so when I sat down in the chair and started the process, I was much too overwhelmed and undereducated to really know what was happening. I just went with the flow. So on went lots of makeup that looked clownish in the light of day but I was told that it would look great on film. And my hair was curled, teased, primped, poofed and probably massively sprayed in place. First set of shots - business suit - for the press. Second shot - the hottie shot in black leather jacket - for nothing in particular at the time, but everyone was doing a hottie shot, so I figured I needed one, too.

When I got the pictures back a few weeks later, I was pleasantly surprised. They actually looked good. Nothing like me, but a close enough resemblance that I felt I could send the business shots out with press releases.

My friend Carrie has also been my hair stylist since our college/beauty school days and at the time, I had way better hair. A few months or years after these pictures were taken, I wanted her to make my hair look like it did in those pictures. Well, remember what I said about the memory thing? After wiping tears of laughter from her eyes and practically doofing me on the head, she had to remind me that they attached a piece of cardboard to the back of my head with hundreds of bobby pins to make it look that way! Duh! Airbrushing the non-technical way. I had totally forgotten that.

A few years later, in between boyfriends, I thought it would be interesting to look for a date in the personals in the Seattle Weekly. I only ever responded to two ads. The first one wanted to meet at the bar at Denny's (first clue right, but re-read above re: gullible) and I ended up buying my own disgusting wine and his too. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. To the second guy, I decided it would be a good idea to send a picture - just to secure the date. I also thought it would be a good idea to send the black leather glam shot (taken a few years earlier mind you). I got the date in a few hours flat, but imagine his surprise and mine when he showed up expecting to see hot-babe-in-leather-with-really-fab-hair-and-makeup and me realizing that I pulled off my first ever bait-and-switch inadvertently. There I was ... flat-haired, minimal makeup, a few pounds heavier, no black leather (but likely black spandex pants which I wore for many years almost uniform-like) ... very unglamorous but totally me and I had to laugh. I never wondered why he didn't call back!

I'm sure Dana Delaney really does have a great body and loooks really good for 51, but Alicia, you are right girl - if she sends those pictures to get a date, someone will probably be surprised!

PS I'm looking around the house to see if I can find that picture. If I do I'll scan it and add it to a post.

Dana Delaney ... Hate Her or Love Her?!?

I just received a trial issue of More magazine. For those of you blissfully under 40, you wouldn't know of it or need to know of it, but for those of us pushing past mid-life we're learning that we might need to move on from Cosmo.

Anyway, Dana Delaney is on the cover and pictured in a feature article and while I am not very hip to the celebrity scene, I was audibly shocked to find out that she is 51. Seriously, she doesn't look over 40! I still can't get over it.

I would chose to look like her now let alone 51! I guess it's really time to figure out that piece of living the next 40 years, huh?

I'll let you know if I find anything interesting in the new rag - looked intriguing at first gance.

Do I have time to be thankful or should I just skip right to counting my blessings?

I know I'm not alone on this one ... Christmas is coming too soon! They snuck things out before Halloween and we grumbled. We saw what was coming next and we got really annoyed. But it's not until it hits you full force that you get really ticked off. Christmas sales early (before Thanksgiving), Christmas music all the time on the radio, advertising everywhere you look luring you to spend, spend, spend! And all that started weeks ago.

From where I stand, we're glossing over Thanksgiving and going straight for the big daddy of all commercial holidays. Don't get me wrong, I do love the Holidays, but this year particularly, I need some time to be thankful. Actually, I need time to figure out how to be really truly thankful, to have that genuine gratitude, to know into the depths of my soul that I have it good.

But that is the problem. I can say out loud or to myself that I'm thankful for so much, but there is little feeling attached. There is little feeling attached to anything. I now live mainly in my head and not in my heart. I don't know when or how it happened, but little by little, day by day, I've managed to take the feeling out of life. No high highs, no low lows. And people who know me would probably agree - I am very "even-keeled", predictable, balanced.

You're possibly thinking that I need a shrink, but I've never had any good experiences with any of that type of professional. An undergrad degree in psych cured me of any romanticized ideas I may have had about that. Have you ever felt that if you start something even a little that you might not ever be able to stop it? That's the way I feel about my feelings. If I let a little through, the floodgates will be open and I will waste a lot of time being sad or angry and what I really want is to feel happy and excited about things.

So this season, I'd really like to figure out not what to be thankful for (I can name family, friends, dog, health, etc), but how to be grateful and maybe I'll start down that other scary but worthwhile path - living with feeling.

I wish for you a life full of feeling, things to be grateful for and a great Thanksgiving!

PS. I am really truly grateful for my friends who did read the blog and actually have been so incredibly supportive. Thank you thank you thank you!!

Just Do It!

It's time. I need to do it. I need to take the leap and face my fear. It's been over a week and not doing it makes no sense. If it was just about me, it wouldn't be so hard. But it involves you and that's what stops me in my tracks ... I want to spare you the decision, the obligatory responsibility and the consequences of my actions but I can't. I made the decision to start and I need to follow through, regardless of your comfort level. It's not my usual MO, but if Iam to succeed in my mission, then the choice is clear.

I could apologize in advance for what I need to do, but I won't. That would be counter-productive and then what? It's just that once I really do it, there's no going back. No putting the genie back in the bottle. It'll be out there, for everyone to judge.

I could make excuses ... after all it'll require a lot of time and effort just for this one little thing. Individual communications, maybe even ongoing conversations. Oh right ... that's what I intended. Nonetheless, it could take weeks to get this done. And then will this even be relevant?

Right now, it feels so safe. The anonimity, the lack of expectation, no requirement of response. But that's not what's meant to be. It meant to be out there, for many to see, read and judge. It's meant to connect, offer different perspective perhaps, and maybe once in a while give pause for thought. My real hope is that it helps me get my creative groove back, that it it reminds me that I am a risk taker and that making the leap is always worth it.

So here I go, letting this flow outward into the general stream of consciousness, from my place of worry and fear into the universe, looking to put out good and get some back.

I'm finally making my blog public!!

Feel free to let me know what you think and if this resonates with you or someone you know, feel free to forward. I do want to thank you for reading, if you've gone this far. I am grateful for my family, my friends and their friends and I look forward to what this brings.

Green Turban

My wonderful friend Shirl called from LA tonight because her "green turban" was telling her to call me. Shirl is actually originally my husband's friend, but one of the best things that happened when I married him was that I inherited really great friends and family. They went to high school together and have stayed close ever since. She is a perfomer and moved to Los Angeles to pursue her dreams. She is perfectly suited for that city - wonderfully dramatic and well read. She speaks like a you are reading a complex intellectual book and uses really great words (today's "my mouth was agape" stuck with me as you don't often hear people talk like that, but it's refreshing and challenging to keep up with as well). And she always sings something to me in our conversations - I wish I could sing but I'd have to be able to remember words and melodies and that's one area in which I don't do so well. She also speaks to me in french and when she does I realize that I desparately need some practice to get back all my vocabulary. So it was really nice to have her call.

Anyway, Shirl's green turban is her intuition and while nothing was majorly wrong with me, it has been an unusually difficult week.

My father-in-law was admitted to the hospital with likely recurrence of throat cancer (we're still hoping it's not), 2 of the top performers who work for me told me that they received offers from a competitor for more money and that only more money would keep them with our company (lots of repercussions and consequences there), pressure from clients, a looming deadline for a big project that I need to start and can't find time for, stress eating, the start of Mac's basketball season with practice times from 7p-8p twice a week on the same days as her POM classes, and the list goes on. But it is nice to know that friends can be so tuned into you that they call if you are feeling stressed and it was a nice release to be able to talk about my woes a little. I wish I could tune more into my own version of the green turban, but I let so much interference through that I can hardly hear myself think.

I'd love to know if any of you have strong intuition, if you call it anything and your tips on how to tap into that extraordinary resource.

Luv ya Shirl XOXO and thanks for the love back!

Two steps forward, one step back

Since I started this blog, I thought that I'd go out and look at other blogs and I found that there are some REALLY GOOD writers out there. I know .. I said I was going to do this for myself, but I just got intimidated. Good ole DOUBT, cousin to Fear, is alive and well in my creative brain. I just got through telling 50 people I know fairly well from my professional association that things are well with my family and me - nothing new to report (even though I haven't seen these people for a year or more).

How boring can I get? Ergo, what the heck will I have to write about?

I am really going to have to break out and write about what I think. Which probably means I'm going to have to change my blogging time from post nightly news (midnight) to a more reasonable and less tired time frame. This means that what I expected to be a simple hobby will become a priority and might lose it's appeal, or at least it's nice and relaxed side effects.

My other dilemma for today and one I will have to worry about later (again due to the time) is to actually let people know I have a blog, to be brave and announce to the world that I'm out here and that they should spend some of their precious time listening to what I have to say.

OK, way too much pressure!

So for now, dear friends, you have another day's reprieve on feeling obligated to read through yet one more blog. It can wait.

Second ... One must write

As challenging as it was to actually start a blog, I knew this would be the hardest part. I'm sure it is for many, but the laying out of fears, ideas, thoughts, problems and shortcomings is not really all that pleasant. I could choose the easier way for me and write about my kids or my job or something wholly irrelevant to my journey ... and I'm sure I will resort to those topics at some point... but this is supposed to help me find out who I am beyond the titles and the labels and the responsibilties that I currently have. And hopefully it can serve you, too!

I was talking to my mom today and told her I started a blog. The speaker of one of the conferences she'd heard recently was talking about how blogging was about ego, not spiritually inclined. I hope that's not totally true and that somehow, by reaching out in this way to you, that I can find some spirituality, re-connect with old friends and make new friends, get real information about what others are doing and thinking out there so that I might walk down different paths I'd not thought of before.

So my small step challenge of the day is actually sitting down to write and admit that I am not all that comfortable doing it. I've always loved writing, creative writing, and still plan on a writing career later in my life (once I find that unique, untapped, never before heard or read topic that will bedazzle the entire human race), but doing this does feel a bit ego-centric. Scary even. What if no one reads it and worse what if they do and no one cares, or can't see the point? I think I have my topic for tomrorrow right there, but my question for the day: "How do you keep thinking that your own stuff is interesting or helpful to others and to yourself?"

First Find A Voice

My good friend Katie told me the other day that she had started a blog and did I have one? Well, no I didn't but I'd been thinking of starting one for so long. I remember that my friend Mark sent me a link to his blog a couple of years ago and I had no idea what to think of it. It was a compilation of thoughts and restaurant/hangout recommendations (he's mid 20's now and I'm nearly twice that) so those were lost on me. I remember thinking "what is this?" and moving right along. But last year I realized that Blogging was going to be a trend and having missed so many of those (I bought my first Amazon.com at $144/share for goodness sake), I decided to attend a class at the local Discover U and I immediately got hooked .

I thought of a dozen blogs I could start personally - after all, I had a lot of experience and might be able to help others. Instead, I took the idea to the others in my management team at RealTime Productions and started our blog there. I've thought hundreds of times that I would start my own blog, but so many excuses cropped up ... time, kids, opportunities and doubt kept creeping in. And then there's the all important "what voice can I put to this blog of mine". Surely people aren't all that interested in hearing from and about me. Boring. But after reading Katie's blog (which is fantastic and something I can only aspire to), I realized that I'm not on this journey for others. It's mine. I need to start now. I want to live my best life (thanks Oprah for coining the term). So here I start, for me. I hope you will share your journey, too. If not, this might just end up being good cheap therapy.

The search is on!