A Moment of Reflection on Being Thankful

I love having a holiday to reflect on all the things I've been thankful for all year. Here's what I gave thanks to since last Thanksgiving:

FAMILY
We spent more time with family this year, just like we wanted. Winter wonderland in Chelan - sledding, visiting, roasting hot dogs in the fire pit in the snow, making igloos, hanging with cousins, brothers, sisters and parents. We added new family members (Ali's first Christmas this year!). Camping, giant pumpkin weigh offs and our traditional Chrsitmas Eve made this year so fun. We lost family too last year and will remember Curtis and Greg fondly each holiday season. My nuclear family is so special and I am so thankful for Myron, McKenna and Julian. They are healthy and happy and smart and talented and I love them so very much.

FRIENDS
We also made a point to spend more time with friends and those times were the highlight of our year. Even the most casual get togethers, GNO's, coffee dates, special occasions fed my soul. At the top of my New Year's resolutions list is to get with friends even more in 2009! I am so grateful for all our friends and cherish you all.

PETS
Merlin is almost 11! While his hips are pretty arthritic and painful, he is such a trooper and is otherwise healthy. How wonderful that he is here for yet one more Holiday season. One more season of wearing funny antler head gear while we trim the tree. One more season of a big fat rawhide bone from santa in his very own stocking.

WORK
I could not have asked for a better work environment this year. The RealTime team is such a fabulous team and group of people and even the customers were pretty good. The work is challenging and we had the best year ever. I worked hard but feel like I've contributed and that's what makes my work feel worthwhile.

VOLUNTEER WORK
As much as I complained this year about how overwhelmed and overextended I've been, I am grateful for all the learning and connections I made this last year. I now know where my limits are and that passion cannot be substituted. I know that I must feel connected to the cause I'm representing in order to make a difference and at least feel like I make a difference.

OPPORTUNITY
We finally reached one goal of ours - to expand our investment portfolio by buying an investment rental property. An opportunity to learn more about investing in this area and trying to secure an adequate retirement or college funding. I am grateful that we have the opportunity to do this, that for all the doom and gloom going on that we still can try to reach for that American Dream and see where it takes us. We are grateful for all our opportunities!

VACATIONS
If you know me, you know I LOVE vacations. As we've been blessed to have taken some wonderful trips this last year: Disneyland, Cannon Beach, Mt Rainier, Silverwood. We had so much fun this year and being able to spend my free time with my family is what I look forward in my life most.

THE OBVIOUS
Health, we have enough of the things we need, we give and receive tons of love ... we are truly blessed and I am so thankful for all that I have.

I hope you are as blessed as I am and I wish everyone to have a peaceful, joyful and sparkly Holiday Season.

They Look Like Us

Along with many of you, we watch and high fived and kissed and hooted with joy on the historic night of Nov 4th 2008. Obama standing at the podium, giving his speech, is one of those moments that you wll look back on and know what you were doing and who you were with.

My kids were allowed to stay up late and watch, but the whole thing was just too much for Juice. He peacefully drifted off to Obama's words between Myron and I on the couch. Mac however, was glued to the TV, and was asking all the right questions and serving up her own opinions on McCain and especially Palin. Grown up opinions I might add. Sounds like she's been listening to a bit of Air America in dad's car?!?

But all of us were accutely aware of the significance of the moment and for my kids especially, to never know that there are barriers to doing whatever they want because of the color of their skin is incredible for me to witness and know. When Myron and I married our parents were each skeptical that it would bring us happiness or that our children would be treated properly in this world. Myron and I also worried some that they might have to face difficulties because of their ethnicity. But this brings us hope and the belief that in this new day, as small of an issue as it is, that having someone who looks like them in the highest position in the land, and possibly the world, will break down even more barriers and prejudices and allow them to thrive and make their way, like everyone else.

McKenna remarked: "Those girls are so lucky - they get to live in the white house!" and to her, knowing nothing else, it seems like the most natural thing. But Myron and I, with tears in our eyes, didn't realize that the image of the First Family being white and older was so etched in our patriotic consciousness that it's almost hard to comprehend the new look of our leadership.

The hard work now starts. We also realize how much we are going to be asked to sacrifice and that we must help put this country back together. If we believed in Obama's ideals so fervently, then it's time to walk the walk. Hope to see you all along that road!

Please - Let This End (My Way)

I'm usually patient about politics. There's really no need to worry - I know I can't know results before election day, so I vote and wait patiently for results on the 6pm news every election day. This year, it's excrutiating! I feel like I'm the one running, Begging for this this end, but to end my way. I really feel anxious for the results and I just WANT TO KNOW! TODAY!

I really want Barrack Obama to win this thing. I hated that W was allowed into the WH a second term (actually also the 1st term to tell the truth) and wondered many times how ridiculously idiotic my fellow voters could be. But overall, I was resolved. Disappointed, but I moved on. This time, it's more. It feels like a life and death decision and people choosing the Republican ticket are choosing the death of America and what I stand for. This time I feel personally attacked when right wing politicians tell me that because I am liberal I am anti-American, a terrorist lover, and that my views are evil.

I know I cannot change anyone's view and yes - it is frustrating - but at the very least I don't go around bashing people who don't see things the same as I do. I don't think they should be eradicated from the earth and sent to hell. I don't bash their religious beliefs, spew bigotry or racial hatred, and I would NEVER NEVER hate anyone who had different ideas. I may not agree with those ideas, but to hate someone because they did? Just plain crazy.

And that's where things are headed - full on towards crazy. Americans hating Americans because we have different ideas on what's best for our country. Having to define ourselves by man-made political parties and being stereotyped because of a leaning affiliation. It's hard to see where this all starts and where it can end. We are giving up our power to make things right by subscribing to doctrine instead of listening and learning and following common sense.

Anyway, I really just want to see the end of the day November 4th and at the end of that day I want a win for Obama, whatever you think he stands for. I have my own reasons and hopes and ideas on what that would mean for my country and for my community and for my family. And I actually pray when I see polls and new stories about where the candidates stand that people will come to their senses and vote for Hope.

Crazy Week

Furnace pump went out - $300

Dishwasher motor died - $300

New rental house inspection results - $18000 in repairs and we don't even own the house yet

So frazzled that going to the bathroom today I searched for the button to my pants, wondering if I'd put them on backwards, only to realize I was pulling my pants out far enough and that they were ELASTIC waistband.

Will I make it to the other side of November?!?

Living in the Twilight Zone

OK - officially, today's been kooky. Couldn't quite get stuff done on time so kids raised themselves today (mostly watching TV), ended up eating dinner with the family at 8:30 pm tonight, dishwasher decided to not wash, the furnace is going nuts even though we turned it off, the new curtain rods for the office really don't work, Myron and I are still working on house stuff and it's almost midnight, I'm posting cause I had to get on email and answer people back who wrote me earlier in the week and it's all starting over tomorrow.

I'm already wishing it was a weekend!!!

Can I Take It Back?

Last winter it sounded like the best idea in the world. Today, I couldn't think of anything worse! But it's out there, and I don't think I can take it back without a fight I frankly don't have the energy for.

Last spring, I found out that I would be traveling to LA for a business trip end of this month (Oct). I thought "How perfect! I can fly the family down after my meeting and we can go to Disneyland!!" Like I said, it sounded great then.

Now it's time to make the final arrangements, pay the dough, pack and go and really - it sounds like torture. I'm the one who makes all the travel arrangements and who plans all of our trips. I'm over it. I also know that we just bought a duplex and made an offer on a 4-plex. What's another $3000 for Disney compared to half a mil in real estate?!? Let me tell you - we could use that dough to bail ourselves out cause I happen to know the government is a little strapped right now.

So Myron actually came up with a brilliant plan - I could still take the time off, we could do Halloween stuff and trick-or-treating here and then head south to the Great Wolf Lodge and spend two whole days in the water park there. Cost would be 1/10 of Disney, our kids love the water and it could be something totally new. Well, they didn't go for it. I'd been hyping this trip up all year and now they are hangin' on tight to the Dream.

"Wasn't Silverwood, the Puyallup Fair, Remlinger Farms and all the other times we went on rides this year enough???"

"Nope - Disney is the funnest."

"But we could do trick or treating here and get lots of candy - your favorite!"

"Well, we have leftover candy anyway and you always buy more."

"Disney is expensive - we could save money and have fun in the water."

"You can work more to get more money."

I stopped there cause I was about to have a breakdown.

So I think we're off the Disney at the end of the month. Just wish I could take it back!

The Worry List

I tried my best to keep this at bay, but I knew the day after Labor Day it wasn't going to be too long. The "worry list" is back and in full force. I'm not going to dwell on this - I want it all to go away - but the insidious thing about this list is that I don't purposefully make it up and it's the one that keeps playing over and over in my head. So I've decided to write it all down and get on with things, 'cause I don't want to waste my time worrying any more!

1. Merlin - he has taken a big turn for the worse this weekend. He fell down the cement stairs and is having a really hard time walking. He wouldn't get up for several hours yesterday afternoon and there's no way Myron and I can pick up this 170 lb critter and carry him in and out of the house when necessary. Lots of tears by everyone because it is obvious his back legs are not working well and won't be getting better! He's headed for the vet tomorrow to get a professional opinion on whether anything can be done to strengthen his legs and lessen the pain. And I had the very unpleasant task of having to explain to McKenna what would happen if he can't walk on his own. She was the one who didn't mince words when we talked about putting him "to sleep" - she said "You mean we have to kill him?!?" and then went histerical on me. Talk about getting your heart ripped out twice ... once by the dog and once by your daughter who loves the dog more than anything.

2. Julian - just informed me tonight that his teacher told him he couldn't go on his first skating field trip tomorrow and he was histerical. He couldn't remember why and we didn't get a note and now I'm mad at the teachers for not telling me so that I wouldn't rub it in for Juice and furthermore help re-direct whatever behavior caused this to happen. So I have to have a conversation with the teachers tomorrow and I really hate that.

3. I am not prepared for a meeting/presentation I have tomorrow in front of the Shoreline City Council. I was asked to chair the committee I am on and I just haven't had the time this weekend to go over the report or the PPT and I need to give the Council a report on finances at 8pm tomorrow night! Finances is not a topic I can really pull out of my a**. This one I need to be prepared for, so lunchtime cramming is in order for me tomorrow.

4. Work is absolutely insane for the next few weeks. All day meetings, sales calls, one huge project to supervise and travel to, projects that I was supposed to have done by my anniversary date in order to achieve my bonus that aren't done, someone quit and someone didn't come back from maternity so need to fill 2 positions (it took me nearly 6 months to find the perfect people last time), trying to get more business to fill in 2009 - it's looking too light right now, etc, etc. Lots of pressure!

5. Money - Myron's work has slowed down and we committed to a Disneyland vacation end of October. And we have 2 offers on duplexes in Everett. And Julian's tuition increased. And we have kid activities costs to pay. And the markets aren't doing very well so investments are sucking air. When is that lottery strategy going to pay off???

6. House projects - we are STILL working on Mac's room and we have to do something with Juice's room. He is still in his toddler bed touching head to toe! Our living room has been a complete disaster for months and I'm about ready to start a bonfire in the middle. Myron got super motivated to get part of the garage cleared out (we can't put the trailer in anymore and need to for the winter) so I put a bunch of stuff up on craigslist and I've had other people calling my schedule shots this weekend and now I'm behind on regular chores. Just making my weekday life so much more challenging.

7. Family time - the more things are on the to do list, the less time I have for anyone because the siren call is to get stuff off the list. And the more on the list the more gets put on the list - it's a vicious circle. So the kids get no time with me at all, ergo my ingorance about the skating thing. Can you say GUILT!?!

8. I'm overextended again so all my volunteer efforts are only getting part of my focus. SLU Chamber, City of Shoreline, Syre PTA and now PCMA ... it's all coming together at once and I'm getting nothing done 100%. And of course I have solid justification for each one and I turned down 2 other recent requests so it's not all about the NO. Just need to juggle faster for a while.

9. Health - I finally made an appointment with OB and mammogram and they asked if I'd been anywhere else to get my exams done because it's been since early 2006 that I've been in. Well ... truth be told, in 2006 I weighed a bunch less and really don't want to hear my doc talk about my weight again. Now I'm going to worry that I've put myself in jeopardy by waiting this long for my annual exams.

This is really depressing and sorry if you actually are reading this. Now I've made you feel all yucky!

The things I am grateful for:

1. This gorgeous weather. It's part of the reason for my craziness because it makes me want to accomplish as much as possible before rain comes when I won't feel like doing a thing but have to. At least now I want to get things done ... I just don't have a lot of time.

2. My kids are doing realatively well in school and like it (for the most part). They are healthy and I don't think I'm damaging them beyond repair yet.

3. We are back as season ticket holders to the 5th Ave (I know - I'm contradicting the money worry, but we bought these early in the year when things were really going well!). We saw Shrek, the Musical and it was super fun. The rest of the shows are fantastic and I can look forward to dates with my hubby every other month or so.

4. Things are fine - it's just my brain that's the issue.

I'm trying not to wish my life away, but I'm looking forward to being on the other side of this!

The Unofficial New Year

It's the second most stressful day of my year ... the first day of school. Not really for what it is, but what it signifies. It's the 2nd "New Year's Day" - the day when I expect that everything on my to do list will be done and I will have a fresh start. But just like the real deal - it never happens that way. As a matter of fact, just the opposite. So I'm back to my crazy life and nothing has changed for me.

I wish that it was my first day of school, but that I knew everything I know today. Mac started 3rd and Juice is a big Kindergartner! Next year they will both be in the same school and frankly I can't wait. Here they are with great big happy smiles on their first day - they are excited at the new adventures this year will bring and I envy their innocence and giddy excitment.

Juice is the 'poser'. I think he might actually do really well in modeling this year, but he wants to do Tae Kwon Do and basketball.

Mac can't wait to see her best friends - it's been a whole two weeks since they last saw each other after all.

So here's to childhood and their fresh starts. I won't ruin it for them with what real life will be like in 30 years or so!

Oh Where Oh Where Did It Go?

I hate to even say it out loud, but where did the summer go? I know, it's not yet the end, but it's really close. Next week we leave for our last vacation before school starts, which is only a few weeks away. We haven't done all that much this summer, but have tried to make the most of the time. We've seen friends a bit more often, tried to finish some house projects while we can still keep doors and windows open to ar out paint fumes, we finally bought outdoor chairs and an umbrella and have eaten dinners al fresco as much as possible (and as often as McKenna can stand being out there with spiders and flies).

The kids have been super busy with camps - Mac has experienced Hip Hop, Karate, Geocaching, Kayaking, Jump Rope, Cheer, Song Writing and Theater; Juice has been taking swim lessons every day for 6 weeks and is doing so well - so I know they are having a blast! And they get to stay up late watching the Olympics, so that's a big bonus!

I have been sticking with my workout plan in spite of how yucky it is to wake up early and sweat in front of other people, but I still go to the gym as often as possible. Not that it's been making all that much of a difference because we eat really terribly during the summer - hamburgers, hot dogs, etc. Whatever!

Even though this summer has been going by so quickly, it has been one of the better summers in the last several. I've been lucky enough to have been given a bit more freedom at work to make a difference in getting things done at home and that's been really great. And the kids are a bit more independent and have had their own fun, not expecting me to be the entertainer 24/7. I am really sad this is coming to an end and will be waiting for next spring/summer already.

"Nomore-ste"

Three days. That's all it's been. Just three days! My legs hurt, my back hurts, my arms hurt, the knot in my shoulder blades is the size of Texas ... I remember now why I hate to exercise! It really doesn't feel good. I know, I know - it will. That is once I get down to a size 4, right?!? Because right now, it's horrifying.

I have to drop the kids off at summer camp at 8:15 am for swim lessons, so I figured that I had no excuse for not getting into the gym right next door for at least 30 minutes. Couldn't be that bad after all. Oh, but it can!

First I had to make it past the desk where young boy trainers think being cutesy and condescending will make me feel better. They tell inside jokes amongst each other, sing to the music when you're talking to them and then tell you you should have a fitness evaluation (which really means they want to sell their training services. Not in the budget, dudes! Sorry.)

I forgot that there are mirrors everwhere. You CANNOT escape looking at yourself, unless you look at other people and then you feel self-conscious because they'll look back at you and the whole point is to not have them look at you in your body's current state so you have no choice but to stare at yourself and the little voice you so adeptly got to finally shut up about your weight years ago (I didn't get this way overnight) is back yapping loudly in your head about your lack of self control, lack of commitment to health, how unattractive you are (and that HOT Mom comment from your 5 year old son a couple of weeks ago isn't going to make you feel better now).

I tried the elliptical. What a joke! Everyone says they love that machine. "It's great", "I hope there are machines open when I get to my gym tonight", "I can read a magazine, listen to my iPod, do my nails on that thing and still get a great workout", etc. Well, let me tell you. My thighs were barking about 45 seconds into that thing. I decided that I was doing it wrong, it couldn't possibly hurt that badly the minute I got on. But no. It is an evil machine! I went into the gym on Monday resolved to do 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical. I barely made it 5 minutes and took the trainer's advice and gladly went to the weights instead. I did go back on it for 5 minutes at the end of my weight segment and could barely walk yesterday and today.

But I did decide that I was going to stick with it and have been back to the gym each day of this week so far. I couldn't bear to get on the "devil machine" today so I got on the bike for some cardio and thought I was doing relatively well until an older lady got onto the bike next to me, pedaled for only 10 minutes to my 20 and when I shot a glance at her workout summary (I know - you're not supposed to do that), she'd logged a full mile more than me and burned more calories. I could have sworn she was only on level 2 and I did the random with some level 6 in there ... wha??? Arghhh!

To top things off, I signed up for yoga with a couple of girlfriends. I have never done moe than 5 yoga sessions in my life, but here I am signed up for Level 2 yoga with Juice's tap teacher who is in amazing physical shape. We signed up for her class because we like her and know her and she assured us that we could go at our own pace. I'm sure she wasn't thinking that would include a full stop of activity every 5 minutes to catch my breath, uncramp my legs and feet and wipe the torrents of sweat from my face. I missed the first 2 sessions and my friends couldn't make it tonight. I was disappointed at first - after all K convince me it would be fun AND good for me and I thought C and I would be able to have some laughs at our own expense. But it was probably a good thing that they weren't there to witness the disaster. I pondered what to wear -large baggy t-shirt that would cover the bulges but possibly flip over my head and reveal naked flesh, or the tighter workout shirt that hugged me a bit closer, would not show anything fleshy first hand but clearly delineated every bump and bulge. I opted for the tighter shirt, but again the mirrors would taunt me. I could pass for being 7 months pregnant! I sat on the mat, cross legged and almost laughed out loud ... I looked like an overflowing mass of goo. There was so much flesh and blubber around my middle that I couldn't bend over or twist, and my boobs were constantly in my own face in spite of the well-fitted sports bra I bought. The down dog is a cruel punishment for my wrists - my ankles are used to the weight but my wrists were screaming "hey you idiot, we're not meant to carry you around. Stop now!" And I did - I only could follow the teacher's moves 1/2 of the time.

At the end of the session, we did OM and say Namaste, but my whole body was crying "NoMore-ste, please!"

It's tempting to quit, but I will see this through. I seriously hope I can stick with it this time and maybe next year, I will be able to do an eagle pose or crow or pigeon even - yeah, I'd be fine with the pigeon!

Again With The Memory

This time it's a trip down memory lane. I had lunch today with an ex employee of mine who has moved to Texas, unfortunately divorced (husband was gay), is changing jobs, has three kids (two are same ages as mine) and who still keeps in touch with a few of the old group. It was nice to see her, get caught up on what people were doing , get contact info for a few that I hopefully will remember to reach out to next month and just gab about old times and new in general. All of a sudden I did start remembering people and their names, things we did, etc.

Another of my ex employees dropped her daughter off to babysit Juice tonight while Myron's at work late and I headed off the a work dinner. We had a minute to catch up on some gossip. And I even knew what she was talking about. We made a point of exchanging good dates to get together and hopefully we'll see them in a couple of weeks. And I'll probably start remembering more.

I also had dinner with my management team at 0/8 Seafood Grill in Bellevue. Well let me tell you - I had no idea so much was happening on Friday nights. Doesn't everyone go home, eat pizza and pass out on Fridays? Apparently not - streets were full of cars, people were dressed up and listening to live music, and having fun. Right - I remember those days now, too.

So maybe it's not my memory that's the problem but a lack of time and contact with people to be remembering. I guess it's a habit. Or a lifestyle. Or it's just time to be making new memories.

Memories and Memory

This one is a really hard lesson. I am so, so sad and so mad! Somehow, we accidentally taped over Mac's Talent Show performance. I wanted to show my mom who is in town to pick up Mac for a week long summer vacation in Chelan and as I rewound the tape and played it only to see several other Talent Show acts and then Julian's tap rehearsal, I knew and I cried.

And I ranted and paced and cried more. For me, it's much more than one talent show that we somehow just won't have video tape for. It's about:

1. Knowing that my memory is truly not good. And I don't mean in a general "can't remember some details" way, but really major things I really cannot remember. Names of past boyfriends, people I worked with for several years, jobs I did, places I've visited, things I've done. Without visual or written evidence, I truly would not remember. Big events I worked on and clients I've worked with? Long gone from my mental databank. What the kids looked like or sounded like when they were younger? Not even a little. I've know this for a while, and I need to write things down, take pictures and videos so that I can preserve in some way these memories and review them, because I know that my mind will not retain it. Gone from video, gone from memory!

2. I HATE - I really mean HATE - when stupid stuff like this happens. I don't know that it was or wasn't my fault, but in general, because I am the type A, linear, routine person in our family, I am typically not the one who would rewind the tape and leave it there to be taped over accidentally. So my anger is partly directed to my spouse, who is typically the person who handles the camera tape and is known for random accidental acts and to myself because I could have done it and I'm the one who taped over it for sure because I was at Julian's tap, not him. GUILT, GUILT, GUILT!!!

3. I have been so frustrated by our camera for a while and it's not lost on me that we've spent money and time in the last week trying to figure out how to get our video off of mini DV's and onto a viewable media that we can play on our TV. But since "we" lost the cable for transfering the video to computer within 4 weeks of getting the camera nearly 9 years ago, we've NEVER been able to see our videos other than playbak on our tiny camera screen. The camera works fine and I hate waste, so it's not been a priority to get a new camera/toy. Now I wish I had upgraded and this might never have happened AND we could possibly see our videos. I still can't see them!

4. I now realize how many tapes I won't be able to find. I have a place where I put the tapes when I change them, but he doesn't. They could be anywhere! After all I often find milk in the pantry and candles in the fridge. Tapes?!? Not confident about their location at all. And now I'm unbelievably anxious to get the tapes together and know what's missing cause I will fret everyday until I know. I will feel an underlying anxiety all day, every day for weeks or months until I get finally get a handle on the facts. That's my crazy brain and I can't turn it off.

5. And I am sad and mad because Mac worked so hard and did so well and in that moment of performing for her whole school, she showed confidence and poise and talent. I wanted her to be able to remember that, to be able to go back to that moment whenever she felt nervous or lacked confidence in her ability to accomplish something difficult and be able to recall those feelings and push forward to her goals. And I was proud of her and she was proud of herself and I wanted her to know both of those things forever.

I've done the only thing I can think of right now and so I've emailed a couple of people at the school to see if they taped the show or knew of anyone who taped it. I can only hope and cross my fingers that someone, somewhere, has a tape and will share it with us.

In the meantime, this one will be so hard to get over.

I LOVE Cruising!

This is the ship I definitely want to go on! Wonder how much we are going to have to save to travel on this beast. But it is so cool. Ah......someday.......

Postcard From the Ordinary: No Supermom Here

OK - It's this kind fo media reporting and real life crap that just pushes me over the edge ... Supermom of 1 year old sextuplets runs marathon ... Do the rest of us really need that kind of pressure?

I already feel inadequate and guilty about whatever I am doing, or not. I am obviously a slacker and complainer. No sorry, I haven't run a marathon. Actually I've been paying monthly gym dues for the last 11 years but haven't set foot in one for the last 9 (the gyms have changed names twice but we have a great deal!) Six kids? Nope - have two too many on many days (I only have 2). Support system? Oh yes, Grey (Goose) and Mike (Hard Lemonade) are always near to help me through.

Latest achievements ... can't really think of any off the top of my head which is about to explode with a gajillion to do's - none of which include any good ideas about how to get myself out of this hamster wheel of work at work, work at home routine.

So good for you, Supermom! You deserve your slice of happiness pie. Just try to keep it to yourself next time.

My Admirer

I have an admirer. He is so handsome and just one look from him makes me melt. He's a bit shorter and younger, but he loves me just the way I am. And just yesterday, he climbed on the kitchen counter to sit next to me while I ate my cereal, put his arm around my shoulder, asked for a bite of my food and said "Mom, you are HOT! I love that blouse - great pattern and I like the colors, too! You are really hot!" Momentarily I thought I should vet out his TV shows more closely because I doubt that kind of language comes from his 5 yr old friends, but then again, if this is what I get, I'll take it. And I'll share my food with my adorable admirer any day.

Last Days Of School

I don't know who is more excited about these last days of school - the kids or me! No other year has been more hectic, calendar busting, task list making, or busier than this without a break and I can truly say that I am so glad summer vacation is almost here. I am trying really hard to slow down and make the most of the next 10 weeks until school starts again ... but 10 weeks seems so short when spring weather hasn't even arrived yet!

Mac has 10 full weeks of summer camps - everything from Adventuring including Geocaching to Jump Rope Camp, Hip Hop Camp, Singing/Acting Camp, Karate Camp and Cheer Camp with some POM and swimming lessons sprinkled in there. Julian's summer will be at LFPM still, but he has graduated from Pre-school and is in the same class with the 5 year olds. He will have a good experience too with some time in Chelan with the grandparents and we have 2 weeks of camping vacation planned - Silverwood, ID and Cannon Beach, OR with a side trip to Ohanapecosh (Mt Rainier).

Still, I do wish that I had summer vacation too. 10 weeks of sun and fun, no responsibilities, being with friends and just goofing off sounds divine. My kids know they have it good ... Mac says all the time that she wants to stay a kid and that she doesn't want to grow up. I always wanted to grow up faster when I was young, but she knows she's lucky and that these are the good days.

And as usual, we really want to get outside more, get together with friends and just really chill out. Will this be the year we can do that? Will this be the year that I learn how to make a really mean Cosmo? Do I have it in me to keep the to do list at bay for 10 full weeks? How many laughs with friends can I get? We need to finish painting and re-doing the bedrooms on the main floor, but could that be the only project we do - and can we do it leisurely without pressure?!? We'll see I guess.

Here's to 10 weeks of trying to relax and have fun - maybe I can take a page from my kid's book, huh!

Moving - Really!

Well not really really, but I swear, I'm really close. This insane weather is going to drive us all over the edge. So I have nothing more inspring to write about because I am going to be busy looking at California real estate - something with a pool!

Remembering My Favorite Things

These last several weeks have been a mad rush of activity and travel and I can't believe it's almost the end of yet one more month!

I don't travel nearly as much for work anymore, so it was with very mixed emotions that I joined part of my team on a project in Fort Lauderdale FL mid-month. As I was driving down the freeway at 5am to catch a flight on a Monday morning, it took all I had not to turn my car around and stay home with my family. "They really don't need me down there - they are more than capable on their own ... I shouldn't be leaving the kids for that long - they need me more ... I REALLY don't want to fly on a plane today - it doesn't feel right ... I could still be sleeping! ... etc."

But as any professional does, I got to the airport, got through security, got on the plane and off I was to warmer climes. Last year I got my team all upset by getting into the program and jumping into decision-making mode. This year, I held back a bit, made sure that they prepared me with the details ahead of the event and so I was able to be more helpful, less "bossy". The program went off without a hitch and even though the days were long and busy, it was somewhat satisfying to be onsite at a successful event again.

But finally at the end of the program, I had my reward. I was able to spend a couple of hours at the beautiful hotel pool (Westin Diplomat is ocean side and I'd been waking up to the view of the ocean, the beach and the pool - as close as I'd get for the first three days). The weather was beautiful - 80 to 85 degrees and little humidity. I don't think I like anything more than hotel pools and sunshine. It's definitely top of my favorite things list.

So I made it poolside at 9:30am and stayed there until my wonderful friend Lisa would come and meet me. I read the paper (I haven't done that in years), drank juice, dipped in the pool every so often and basked in the sun. A minor issue - I forgot to bring sunscreen, and didn't think a few hours would be a big deal. I was in heaven and nothing was going to bring me down. Finally, Lisa arrived and my day was offically perfect! Lisa lives in South Florida and although we hadn't seen each other in nearly 8 years, we fell right into conversation as if we talked every day. We chatted a bit more by the pool and then it was time to check out and I was going to spend the night with my dear friend and her oldest daughter. I did notice that I'd burned a bit once I got into the hotel, but didn't realize how bad until later in the day.

I was able to share in their daily routine, eat some Cuban food, Katie (Lisa's daughter) had a Spring Performance at her school and I was able to see her sing and dance and I could see how she and McKenna would probably get along really well if they met. Lisa's husband Fred was at his job in Virginia but I was able to video conference with him to say hello and catch up and laugh at his goofy sense of humor. I remembered how much fun all four of us had when they lived here and I miss that so much. Lisa and I talked nearly non-stop for 24 hours and it was so much fun. All of a sudden, I didn't feel like going home.

And I remembered another of my favorite things - good friends. No matter where you are, when you last talked or saw each other or how much time has passed, true friends are easy to talk to, easy to be with and bring your spirits up.

I did eventually have to get back on a plane homebound and was relieved once on board to be making my way back to my family. One 'little' problem - I was totally and miserably burnt on my arms, legs and chest. Like 3rd degree burns I swear! At 44, one would think that I'd have more common sense and experience to know better, but I didn't and it was a PAINFUL reminder. NOT a favorite thing!! It took a full 5 days for the pain to subside and I look like a snake shedding its skin - it looks hideous!

In any case it was a nice reminder of the things I love and that I need to have more of in my life, somehow, someway.

Northwest Natives - Recognize Yourselves!

My Dad sent this to me recently and it all rang so true ....

The Pacific Northwest According To Jeff Foxworthy

1. You know the state flower. (Mildew).
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
3. Use the statement 'sun break' and know what it means.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'WALK' signal.
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Tully's.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima and Willamette .
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
16. You are not fazed by Today's Forecast: "showers followed by rain," and Tomorrow's Forecast: "rain followed by showers."
17. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.
20. You notice, 'The mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.
22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
26. You measure distance in hours.
27. You often switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' in the same day.
28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk Season (Fall).
30. You actually understood these jokes and will probably forward them

Laughing Out Loud

We went out for Chinese food last night. And just like many, we are going out less to cut expenses. We went to Chopsticks, a little place down by our house and we were the only ones in the place. It was a little late and the kids started whining to go home as soon as they were done eating, but we had a few bites left. So to up the ante, Mac started to complain about aches and pains. She finally said: "My neck nurts" (instead if my neck hurts). We started laughing and Mac, Myron and I started playing off the words, laughing a bunch after each one ...

"Do your teeth turt?"
"Do your fingers furt?"
"Do your legs lurt?"

Myron came up with "Does your butt burt?" which sent us all into a fit of really loud howling laughter. We would definitley have ticked off anyone else eating in the restaurant, so it was a good thing we were alone.

The kicker belonged to Julian though who really couldn't quite get the pattern and his final comeback was "Do you eyeballs suck?" We could have all peed our pants :-)

Bad Mom

So Mac has temp of 102+ today and feels really, really bad. Can you say GUILT?!?

So so tired!

I can't really explain it. Nothing more than the usual crazyness. But lately I have been so tired! It's sapping my energy and my creativity. I just can't believe it's end of April and all those things I wanted to have done before summer are nowhere near being started, let alone finished. I am living one giant, never-ending to do list.

And tonight I'm feeling a bit guilty! McKenna spent all day playing with her best friend but had to come home at 6p for her basketball game. She was so sad that her playdate had to end that she went to her room, went to bed, covered her head and sobbed for quite a while. But then she told me her head hurt and she was tired. I told her that she still needed to go to the game and I did wake her up just 15 minutes into her nap and we went to the game. She cried all the way there, which is unusual for her - she hates for other people to see her cry. But I felt it was important to be there for her team and because they had a two hour practice last night I wanted her to apply the drills she learned before she forgot them. She played well, her friend showed up for a few minutes to see her play which brightened her smile for a while, but on our way home, she was quiet.

As soon as we got home, she changed into her jammies, laid down on the couch, did not even eat any dinner and went to sleep. She now I know that she really didn't feel good and I still made her go to her game. Not my proudest moment:(

And it all still makes me so very tired!

Some Drama, Big Reward

After days of hand-wringing, negotiating over song choices, looking for a costume (thankfully already appropriate in the mind of the wearer) - the big "Try Out" day came and McKenna made the Syre Elementary Talent Show!!

She settled on the Keke Palmer song "It's My Turn Now" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vao13M-NqJ8 (thanks K for steering both of us to a great alternative to Beyonce!), and a costume that includes everyday wear - a black plain t-shirt, red/black/white plaid skort and red tights.

This whole experience has been a bit dramatic and all for 1.5 minutes of 'fame'. She originally wanted to dance with her best friend to the Beyonce song "Irreplaceable" (see post below). When her friend backed out because her Mom encouraged her to focus on the ice skating dance routine and competition coming her way, McKenna was decidedly bummed. But she is persistent when she wants to do something and so she tried to recruit other friends, even announcing at one point that she was going to do a routine with her worst enemy - that's how badly she wanted to get in the talent show. When I pointed out that doing things with others would require compromise on songs, dance moves and practice time that was already disastrously short, she agreed that this year would be the year for her to do this on her own.

So a song was picked, the computer set to the YouTube video, the lyrics printed out, a CD made and the karaoke machine set up in the living room with space to dance and the speakers to hear it well. Practices were morning, noon and night ... before and after school and even her best friend helped her practice during recess. She learned the lyrics quickly and was able to belt out the whole thing on her own in just a couple of days. The dance moves came naturally and with the help of her entertainer dad, a performance was born.

The night before the try outs, her dad was working late and wasn't able to practice with her and motivate her most energetic self. She needs me for many things, but this time she really wanted and needed her dad. So fear and doubt set in and in a tearful confession she told me that she wasn't going to participate in the try outs. At this point, the pragmatic me set in and reminded her of all she accomplished in such short time, and of the time we've all put into helping her out. Of course I also tried to work in some confidence building and pumping up her self-esteem and after 15 minutes of discussion, she agreed to still consider the possibility. Next morning all was good and Myron promised he'd be there to cheer her on.

As luck would have it, one of his really good client's called for a gig that would not allow him to attend the try outs. I would have to be the one to tell her when I picked her up and walked her to the gym. I would rather have faced a pack of rabid wolves than have to tell her that bad news - I knew the horrible disappointment that she was going to be feeling. And I was afraid I wouldn't sound as empathetic as I would need to because Myron's work schedule also really messed up a super busy and stressful family schedule - Mac's POM class directly after try outs, Julian's baseball practice at 5 and then a Birds & Bees class for Myron and I that evening back at the school. Now all of this squarely on my shoulders. I put on my Supermom uniform and set off to do what I had to do (feeling guilty to be leaving work early with a pile of deadline projects on my desk and having to cancel my participation in the Finance Committee's regularly scheduled meeting).

I did manage to pick up Julian, stop at home for the costume, camera, water bottles, snacks and music, make it to the school on time to take her to the gym, call Myron on the cell and have her talk to him for a pep talk and turn the cell off to ward off last minute work calls. I had the camera at the ready for the big moment. She was nervous but sat with the rest of the girls and boys, listened to the directions and we watched a few people go through their try outs before Mac's name was finally called. She bravely gave them her music and then came over the me, crouched down and I heard those words: "Mom, I can't do this. I am too afraid. I really don't think I can do this." The teacher was calling for her to start and I had to come up with something to say. I reminded her that she worked really hard and that she was sure to make it if she did her best. That she would definitely NOT make it if she didn't try and to think of her dad being at the back of the room doing this with her. I also told her to do the Sharpay trick (High Shool Musical) which made her smile. She took a deep breath and walk to the middle of the gym. The music started, she struck her pose and went for it! She didn't freeze, she sang 'loud and proud" and when they thanked her the relief and pride was visible, SHE DID IT!!

I prompted her to ask the teacher when she would find out if she'd made it and she was told on the spot "Congratulations! You made it!" She was practically jumping out of her skin with excitement. And of course I was so proud of her, too. I know how much this will help her confidence. So look for video to be posted around May 30th to see how things actually turn out. I'm sure there will be more afraid moments in the next couple of weeks, but not nearly as strong. She set a goal, worked hard to make it good, followed through and achieved what she wanted. It's all good from here, right?!?

Help - Need Some Perspective

OK Mom friends. I really need some perspective here. McKenna wants to enter the school talent show. And for that I'm thrilled. She's not generally one to want to be in the limelight, but she really feels she could do well and I want so badly to encourage this for her.

My dilemma - she wants to sing to Beyonce's Irreplaceable http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsQvXgCcng8 (she's never seen the video) and dance to the same song with her friend. I don't believe that she will survive the first audition, but I'm even wondering if I should let her try out. It's alright for her to sing and dance to our music choices at home, but I really need some perspective from you out there to tell me what you would think of a 7 year old singing this song to her elementary schoolmates. I really tried to get her to find another song, but this has been a favorite for a while, even though she really can't understand the concepts.

So please feel free to tell me like you see it. And if I should nix the idea, any suggestions on what to replace it with? Thanks!

I Won The Lottery!!! (my fantasy)

I just won the lottery. It's a big one - multi millions! What a rush. I always thought I'd win something someday... my numbers just had to come up. I've been playing $2 every mega game for just over a year. And in all that time, I'd only won $6, so it was bound to happen.

First thing we did was to consult our financial advisor and then our lawyer. Who knew so many things needed to be figured out before any money is actually handed over. We want to make sure that we don't mess this up. We didn't go public - we don't want many things to change. We also don't need any long lost family or friends - or even close family or friends - to think of us any differently than before.

We started our own company. We are going to work as a family on creative projects, traveling to far away places and experiencing other cultures, other cities, other people. We are going to learn so much and live a life of giving.

I've already started that novel and can't wait to see it published. But I'm taking a sabbitical for a few months - maybe one year. I've splurged on some professional advisors - dietician/ nutritionist, personal trainer, landscape designer, remodel architect. I'm going to spend my days getting my house in order - clean out stuff we don't need and/or use, clean every nook and cranny, find all those things I've been looking for in the last several years. I'll be able to work out daily and get healthier. We'll get together with friends and family more often, go camping and ride bikes on weekends because the chores will all be done during the week. I'm going to be able to take the kids to all their activities and meet the parents of their friends. I will even be able to volunteer in the schools!

We are fulling funding our retirement - no more worries about money running out before our lives do. And the kid's college educations are secure - no more worries about having to get 2nd and 3rd mortgages to pay off student loans.

We have set up a foundation that gives back to our community and we are able to give so much more to organizations in need that we want to support more - the Red Cross, foster children, Center for Missing and Expolited Children, stem cell research, etc.

And yes, we did buy ourselves a couple of toys. Myron tricked out a studio with all the equipment and gear needed for really good production. McKenna and Julian chose to get horses and have them boarded close by. I did get a pair of diamond earrings and a BMW Z4. We upgraded our house a little and have a view of the Sound, we rented out our old house and got a hot tub/pool combo in the backyard ... Love IT!

We allotted some funds to family - a one time deal. Our parents will never have to worry about their affairs, though. We are thrilled to be able to take care of them. We had a few of our close and good friends along on a wonderful cruise vacation in the Caribbean -sun and fun and fabulous lifelong memories. We sent everyone a book of pictures to remember the occasion.

We finally have time to see that counselor and work on our communication. And we can spend more time with the kids, reading and playing games, as well as homework and practicing sports/music, etc.

Money didn't solve all of our problems, but it gives us the freedom from financial burden and freedom of time. And that is they key to our happiness - time with family and friends and our nuclear family. Time to learn and love, time to explore and experience.

Hard to Talk About

I drove Mac to Leavenworth to pass her off to my parents for a few days of Spring Break in Chelan. McKenna and my Mom are two peas in a pod ... they get along, understand each other, can co-exist so easily. It's been that way since Mac was born. It's such a strong bond, such a unique relationship; many can't quiet understand it. I'm awed by it and happy that Mac has such a person in her life. She's always happy to be there - she always has lots of fun and has lots of terrific adventures!

But every time I drop her off and have to leave her, we both fight back tears. She tries so hard to be brave - she doesn't want to make her grandma feel bad. I'm always so proud of her, but as soon as we drive off in opposite directions, I miss her terribly.

Today, on the three hour drive to Leavenworth, we talked a little, but mostly listened to Alvin and the Chipmunks CD. At some point, I asked her why she was so quiet (the usual state in our family, especially during trips) and asked if she'd rather we talked more and she said "yes". Well, for anyone else, that might be great to hear from your daughter. For me however, not the easiest thing. See, I'm not much of a talker and it's really hard for me to chit chat - even with my kids. So even at her request, I couldn't come up with anything to say. And the less I said, the more pressure I put on myself and then guilt set in. I was now officially the worst mother in the world!

I can talk to groups of hundreds of people, lead discussions with dozens, but one-on-one - that's where I crumble. I am generally of the opinion that no one is really interested in my opinion or my ideas or my thoughts. Most of the time, I have no egoic need to have the first or the last word, or to say what I think. I like to get info. I'm more apt to ask questions than to answer them. I'm interested, but not all that interesting. So I am really out of practice when it comes to originating conversations. But I NEED to figure out how to talk to my kids. I can live the rest of my life without having to become an expert at chatting with strangers, but I don't consider that an option when it comes to my babies. They need me and they need to learn how to connect with others via verbal communication. They need great role models and I want to be one of them.

So on the three hour trip back from Leavenworth, I wracked my brain on what I could do and how we could become a family of talkers and ... I'm stumped! So I'll be on a mission to find resources and ask questions of others - as I always do! I hope it's not too late.

In the meantime, I'll count the days and hours til I get to pick up my sweet girl on Thursday.

A White Easter

So we went up to Chelan again this year for our annual Easter excursion and because it was so early, the snow had not yet melted in the high hills above Chelan. So for the first time, we had snowball fights, got a few snowmobile runs in and dyed eggs in the same day.

Come to find out, Easter's date is set by the full moon following Spring Equinox (sort of). Those of you who go to church most likely already know this, but for us 'peagans', that's not a fact widely noted. Here's the actual real explanation from About.com:

Why does the date for Easter change every year? Have you ever wondered why Easter Sunday can fall anywhere between March 22 and April 25? And why do Eastern Orthodox churches celebrate Easter on a different day than Western churches? These are all good questions with answers that require a bit of explanation.
In Western Christianity, Easter is always celebrated on the Sunday immediately following the Paschal Full Moon date of the year. I had previously, and somewhat erroneously stated, "Easter is always celebrated on the Sunday immediately following the first full moon after the vernal (spring) equinox." This statement was true in 325 AD, when it was established by the Council of Nicea.
However, the course of history has modified the meaning of this instruction, and therefore, a clearer, more accurate explanation is necessary today.
There are, in fact, as many misunderstanding about the calculation of Easter dates, as there are reasons for confusion about Easter dates. What follows is an attempt to clear up at least some of the confusion.
In actuality, the date of the Paschal Full Moon is determined from historical tables, and has no correspondence to lunar events. In the year 325 AD astronomers approximated the dates of all the full moons in the year for the Western Christian churches. These were called the Ecclesiastical Full Moon dates, and they have been used ever since 326 AD to determine the date of Easter. So, the Paschal Full Moon is always the first Ecclesiastical Full Moon date after March 20 (which happened to be the vernal equinox date in 325 AD).
The Paschal Full Moon can vary as much as two days from the date of the actual full moon, with dates ranging from March 21 to April 18. As a result, Easter dates can range from March 22 through April 25 in Western Christianity.
Western churches use the Gregorian Calendar to calculate the date of Easter and Eastern Orthodox churches use the Julian Calendar. This is partly why the dates are rarely the same.
Easter and its related holidays do not fall on a fixed date in either the Gregorian or Julian calendars, making them moveable holidays. The dates, instead, are based on a lunar calendar very similar to the Hebrew Calendar.
The Eastern Orthodox Church not only maintains the date of Easter based on the Julian Calendar which was in use during the First Ecumenical Council of Nicea in 325 AD, but also according to the actual, astronomical full moon and the actual vernal equinox as observed along the meridian of Jerusalem. This complicates the matter, due to the inaccuracy of the Julian calendar, and the 13 days that have accrued since 325 AD. This means, in order to stay in line with the originally established (325 AD) vernal equinox, Orthodox Easter cannot be celebrated before April 3 (present day Gregorian calendar), which was March 21 in 325 AD.
Additionally, in keeping with the rule established by the First Ecumenical Council of Nicea, the Eastern Orthodox Church adhered to the tradition that Easter must always fall after the Jewish Passover, since the death, burial and Resurrection of Christ happened after the celebration of Passover. Eventually the Orthodox Church came up with an alternative to calculating Easter based on Passover, and developed a 19-year cycle, as opposed to the Western Church 84-year cycle.
Since the days of early church history, determining the precise date of Easter has been a matter for continued argument. For one, the followers of Christ neglected to record the exact date of Jesus' resurrection. From then on the matter grew increasingly complex. For more about Easter dates, check out the following sources: • Christian History article by Farrell Brown • Easter Dating • The Astronomy of Easter • The Calendar of the Orthodox Church

So much for clarity - good thing I don't have to explain how the Easter Bunny knows when Easter will fall.

Speaking of the Easter Bunny, Mac's didn't fail to write another note. She wrote a note (ending with "Hope you have a wonderful Easter!") to the Easter Bunny, put it in an envelope and asked the Bunny to take the note, but leave the envelope to prove he was real. He did! He chewed a little corner off the envelope, took the note, answered the question of whether he was real (YES!!!), and left the envelope. In any case, he hid LOTS of eggs and left some goodies for the kids. All in all, it was a great weekend.

Something for the Singles

From the Daily Candy files (a few days ago). This is why I can say I'm happy to be married!! But they made me laugh anyways. Enjoy!

"The late-night texter. The artful check dodger. Señor Crabs. Sometimes dating simply strikes you speechless. We thought we’d help.

bed-doomed adj. The condition a couple faces when there’s no spark in the bedroom. (Mark and I always have the best conversations, but we’re completely bed-doomed to be friends.)

dateorade n. The hookup that tides you over during a drought; a date on which you go, just to refuel and get back on the field.

mandoff n. The act of setting up a close friend with an ex-lover.

missionary impossible n. A position that is sure to lead nowhere.

significant otherwise n. A person with whom you date and/or sleep because he/she is better than a certain alternative. (No, he isn’t the most attentive lover, but I’d rather him than that commodities trader who lives with his mom.)

sintercourse n. When you just know it’s wrong. (Generally hot.)

tryst and pout n. Enjoyable, often spontaneous, intercourse followed by bitterness over disagreeable traits in your lover. (Often the result of sleeping with an ex.)

vibraider n. Someone who steals the batteries from the TV remote in order to power her, um, personal massager.

yentally challenged adj. Characteristic of a matchmaker who’s constantly setting you up with people with whom you have nothing in common. (Sweetie, I love you, but you’re yentally challenged if you think it’s going to happen with Brad.)

Learning to Write

Julian is really, really proud of his abilities right now. Barely 5 years old and still in pre-school, he is reading and writing and doing math and we applaud his efforts and successes and spend a lot of time helping him read a lot of signs, books, words, etc. Everything is an opportunity to practice the skills his sister so easily displays (remember - he wants to do everything just like her!)

So this morning, while he was eating breakfast, Julian asked me for paper and pencil so he could practice some writing. He was sure he could figure out how to write this something on his own. We didn't have a lot of time, so I asked him what he needed to write. Very matter-of-factly and innocently he replied:

" 'Kiss my ass'. I think I know how to write that on my own, mom."

Before you go thinking that those are everyday words in our family (they are not - we are very careful about what we say to keep our tones respectful and mostly swear-free) you should know that I've always taught my kids that there are no bad words, but how, when and where you say things can be thought of as disrespectful, not appropriate, etc. When they've heard or asked about certain words, I've explained what they were, what they meant and whether or not they are appropriate and under what circumstances (many explanations are "Adults can say this, kids cannot".) So......

"Do you know what that means?" I asked.
"I forgot." (Very sincerely, and I believed him)
"Where did you hear that?"
"On Hairspray." (One of his favorite movies.)

Sure enough, we did watch Hairspray a month or so ago and they did say that. At the time, I told both kids I didn't approve of them repeating that and told them what it meant, but I can't really expect Julian to remember. He was so sincere about being able to write those simple words on his own, all I could do was try to move onto tasks at hand - like getting dressed and eating breakfast - and saving my laughter for when I was in the car alone. Watching the movie was my doing - I didn't vet the thing before we popped into the DVD player.

Needless to say, I explained what it meant and that it's not appropriate for anyone to say it and that we weren't going to practice writing it (for now - I'm sure it will come up again in say, 6-7 years from now!)

Out of the mouths of babes!!! It still cracks me up!

My baby is growing up!

I knew this was going to happen, but when it does, it's a bit surprising. My baby is growing up. Julian turned 5 in January and he has been making leaps and bounds in learning and growing for the last 6 months. Tonight I had to bite my lip in order not to laugh out loud and make him feel self conscious. He was relating a story about how one of his teachers had cheese and he was hungry and he told her he really liked that kind of cheese and she finally gave him some and then he didn't know what to say to her. He'd told me the same story in the car and I asked him if he said thank you. He said no. I told him he should have and he said he forgot.

So as he was telling his dad the same story at dinner, Myron asked him the same question I did - did he say thank you? And Julian said "Dad, that's not the point!" "I was hungry, it was string cheese and I like string cheese." I had to put my glass up to my face to hide my smile. Since when do 5 year olds say It's not the point?

And then after dinner, he asked if he could have candy but could he please have some "french cheese" first. Huh?!? He went with me to Costco yesterday and they were sampling this cheese. We had some and he wanted more. He loved it and I bought it. So now, he wants that cheese for snack and apparently as dessert - or a palate cleanser before his candy!

Where did my little baby go???

Going for Enlightenment

So, as I blogged earlier, I am trying to read Eckhart Tolle's New Earth and trying to follow Oprah's online class/book club about same book. It is a good book, albeit somewhat deep and a difficult read (and I haven't been able to keep up with the classes - I have to resort to downloads that I'll listen to later). But it's forcing me to examine areas of my life and determine how I can change to improve my happiness quotient. So far (through 2.5 chapters) it's making sense to me. Something in chapter 3 is sticking with me. The chapter is about Ego and what makes it tick. The passage is "Being Right, Making Wrong." I'll paraphrase:

Complaining and faultfinding strengthen the ego's sense of separateness on which the ego's survival depends. (Being separate isn't the goal - everyone and everything being one with Spirit is the goal).
These give the ego a feeling of superiority on which it thrives. (No one or thing is superior)
When you complain, by implication you are right and the person or situation you complain about or react to is wrong.
Nothing strengthens the ego more than being right.
For you to be right, you need someone or something else to be wrong.
The ego loves to make wrong in order to be right.
You need to make others wrong in order to get a stronger sense of who you are.
Being right places you in a position of imagined moral superiority in relation to the person or situation that is being judged and found wanting.
It is that sense of superiority the ego craves and through which it enhances itself. (This is the root of many problems)

I used to do a lot of complaining. I can totally relate to this. Particularly in jobs and working situations and it's how I best related to many people - friendships were built around complaining and making others wrong. And I was miserable! Sad, unhappy, crabby, totally miserable. But I guess with age and a mom who constantly tries to look out for my well-being by offering up lots of suggestions that I try new uplifting and healing things and books like Tolle's I am coming to realize that complaining isn't helping me achieve my ultimate goal. And beyond my own personal happiness is working to make my family peaceful and contributing my fair share towards some form of world peace.

There are truths, some universal and some just my own - things I like and don't like, things that I can stand for and some I can't. But I am going to focus on trying not to making others wrong. When something or someone isn't compatible with my sense of peace or a roadblock on the path to enlightenment and when I start feeling my ego taking over, I will simply remove myself without judgement (or at least try not to complain). I can't say I will be able to break old habits right away, but I will do my best. Notice to all my friends - feel free to point out my complaining if I fall into my old ways.

One other quote we heard on 'Akeelah and the Bee' last night - I hope my kids can take it to heart one day:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." (Marianne Williamson)

Might Be Time To Say No

I spent the time between midnight and 1am last night writing out 5 pages of "To Do" list for the next 4 weeks. Yes, I'm back to my special brand of crazy. I was on a nice stretch of letting things go, not worrying too much about all the things piling up, enjoying more time with the family such as movie nights, game nights, etc. But I'm back into full-fledged Type A mode. And it's all my fault!

The kids have their ongoing activities and some new ones, too (tap, POM, basketball for both, baseball for J, etc.) The winter schedules are almost over and the spring schedules have yet to be distributed, so the calendar only showed a few committed dates.

I was feeling really good about passing the President baton to a new person on the South Lake Union Chamber of Commerce. He was already well his way to making great things happen without my daily input or need to sit in on executive committee meetings, Seattle City Council meetings, Neighborhood Council meetings, King County Council member walking tours of South Lake Union, meet & greets, figuring out what in the world upzoning was all about, untangling transportation and parking issues, discussing the merits of open space versus retail space, trying to mediate developers and retailers and arts organizations, etc. etc.

Things were kinda quiet at work, everyone on pace for a busy but steady event season. RFP's were written and deals solidified for one of the best years we've had in a long while. The team seemed solid with no one giving any indication that they'd be moving on. I was actually managing to work no more than 40 hours a week, too.

With all of this relative calm, I figured it would be OK to apply to be on the City Of Shoreline Financial Advisory Committee. After all, it didn't really mean I'd be on the Committee - I'd just throw my hat in the ring to make myself feel like I was concerned and contributing to my community without having to do the hard work. Could I have forgotten the deadly boring meetings I endured being on the Aurora Business Corridor committee last year talking about storm water management, all the crazy ways we could think of to mitigate business losses due to construction (can you say Christmas lights pointing to open businesses from the road?!?!), learning more about the red brick road and why we need to preserve it, etc, etc.?

Apparently, yes!

Because I was actually chosen to be on this Committee (I had a 50/50 chance of not being on it - why can't I have those odds for my lottery tickets?!?!?) We had our first 2-hour meeting tonight during which we all had to introduce ourselves, announce what made us think we actually had skills that would benefit said committee, tell why we thought this would be a good idea to meet with 17 other strangers who live in your community each with some special interest ... libraries, parks, transportation, more business, etc! It was all I could do to hold my tongue and tell everyone that we should put the entire City budget into hiring and training halfway intelligent police officers. So this "priviliege" will likely go on through June, possibly July and maybe we'll be "chosen" again to reconvene in the Fall, if the City Council would like this to continue (oh joy!)

Oh, and email messages today now indicate that the kid's sports practice and game schedules will be sent to us this week. Somehow my mind just didn't fill in the blank holes on the calendar to accommodate for all of that stuff! What have I gotten myself into?

Work has exploded - one person has quit, one is going on maternity leave soon, one is getting married and is taking 4 weeks off to honeymoon in Italy and I have one on panic attack watch to make sure that she stays sane after a crazy busy schedule of travel and kissing client's butts. I'm pulled into all HR functions, working out a multi-year deal with our biggest client, supervising a few projects and trying to keep balls in the air, fixing service issues with clients, prep for a few trips across country and the list goes on.

The new President of South Lake Union Chamber of Commerce had a family emergency and in one day quit his job as Vice President of a bank, moved to Virginia and left me a cryptic voice mail telling me to follow up on the chamber's line of credit. Nothing else. No "Sorry I have to resign" or even better "I'll be back. Can you fill in for me for a week or two?" Nooooo. As immediate Past President, I get to step back into the President's shoes ... again:( Letters to city council and city staff, credit lines, prep for and facilitate the board retreat, re-join the political battles I so don't get.

Did I mention that I decided to have my brothers and their families over in a couple of weeks? And the house is a disaster because we are remodeling the office and the kid's bedrooms? Oh yes, tearing out walls and pocket doors, painting, the whole thing. Julian is still sleeping in a race car bed with a crib mattress. His head touches the top and his feet almost stick out of the bottom. I cleaned out Mac's stuff and will be giving it to my youngest brother and sister in law who are having their first baby in May. In the meantime, bags and bags of hand-me-downs are on the dining room table, a pile so high that it really almost touches the chandelier. We have friends coming over for dinner on Friday - do you think they'll notice the stuff on the table?

My mother turned me onto this great healing massage therapist who does Altas Profilax (clicks the first vertebra back into place) and he's so specialized he's only in town this Thursday and I can't miss him and I'm taking Mac because she's complaining of headaches and it's supposed to make you feel so much better. And it'll cost a bunch.

I can't miss GNO!

Gotta keep up with Oprah's New Earth class I signed up for - every Monday from 6p-8p online and I have to read 1 chapter per week. Right ... need to read chapter 3. Oh and missed both classes so need to download week 2 and listen to both weeks - because I signed up for it and got the book and it's for my own good and could make me happier. If only I had the time!

Other things that made the to do list:
- get dog sitter for Easter (next weekend) and spring break (long weekend in Semiahmoo)
- shop for Easter (still next weekend)
- pack for Easter and Semiahmoo and pack Mac for spring break in Chelan with grandparents
- drive back and forth to/from Chelan for Easter and again taking Mac over for part of spring brak and again to bring Mac back from spring break - all in two weeks time
- clean house for guests on Friday and for cleaners coming next week and again for family
- figure out summer camp stuff for Mac, make sure I don't mess up the swimming lessons again this year like I did last year
- pick up even more hand me downs from friend on Friday and figure out where to put all this stuff (garage not an option and office barely walkable with Mac's stuff boxed up)
- pick out paint for kid's walls
- remodel entire house and fully landscape front and back yard, installing super fabulous fire/water feature never before attempted because brothers haven't been over to the house since we bought it (10 years) and oldest built a custom home near Enumclaw with unbelievable view of Mt Rainier, next to youngest is building/remodeling their house right now doing most of the work himself adding a second floor with views of the Olmpics and youngest runs a farm and built a huge barn and office/house next to their main house and remodeled their basement for their new baby last month and all of their homes are gorgeous
- Type Writer's Workshop Stories for Mac's teacher (and trying to decipher 2nd grader phonetic writings that tend to make no sense sometimes!)
- Get snacks for J's basketball
- Get birthday gifts for kid's friends because everyone is having a birthday party these days!
- Recover the headbaord we got from Craigslist last weekend because I just had to have it now

There's lots more, but I'll spare you. I'm officially going nuts and can't stop myself. And this darned time change is messing me up - I'm awake at 1am but can't get out of bed at 7:30a.

Next on my to do list: call someone and have them stop this Daylight Savings Time madness!

School Lunches

This one's just for you Katie! I found this link on A Full Plate's blog. I haven't had much time to read through, but anything that can give some ideas on different lunch menu items can't be bad!
http://www.brownbagblues.com/. We'll have to share if anybody's kids ends up eating anything from this list of suggestions!

It's Tax Time

Every year we promise ourselves that we will get this done early in the year. End of January - mid February lastest!

It's mid-March and we are just now getting to it. Actually, not really getting to it, but thinking of getting to it. We just opened our CPA's tax packet (sent in December) and have to find all the paperwork, all the numbers, receipts, bills, blah, blah, blah.

I HATE TAXES. Made all the more insulting that we are paying taxes for stuff that isn't really a benefit to us. Schools are in worse shape, our roads and transportation are crappy, gas prices sky-rocketing ... it just makes my blood boil. That doesn't even cover the price of this crazy war in Iraq and Middle East. But then again, our kids are going to have to pay for that!

So I'm choosing to blog instead. A worthy alternative, I'd say. I'd ask the question - have you done your taxes yet, but I don't really want to know. I'd rather ask - do you plan to have to pay or get a refund? We always have to pay (two years ago it was almost $12000!!! Talk about having a heart attack!) so we never have a refund splurge. This year, if we get that stimulus check Bush talks about, we're likely going to have to send it right back to pay our stupid taxes.

On the bright side, we got a used headboard for $75 this weekend that I only need to put foam and fabric on to make it look good. Happy about that!

Compelled to answer the call of the Meme

I was tagged. Yep, tagged to come up with six words that sum up my life. This funky version of a chain letter was started it seems by an article brought to light by NPR, that highlighted an article in Smith magazine.

"In this spirit of simple yet profound brevity, the online magazine Smith asked readers to write the story of their own lives in a single sentence. The result is Not Quite What I Was Planning, a collection of six-word memoirs by famous and not-so-famous writers, artists and musicians." The full article can be read at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=18768430. I think it's a ploy to get the magazine's name around the world (I've never heard of it), but at least it's something different from the marketing folks.

And like Katie (who tagged me and whose blog I love http://smilelines-k.blogspot.com/), coming up with just one is too much to ask. Here are the few I came up with in just a few minutes.

Star wishing, not a good strategy
Want to live universal truth NOW
Never thought it'd look like this
Warden of own prison, want freedom
Time starved, creatively deprived, physically overfed
From couch, exercise looks like fun
Forget important dates, remember every embarrasment
Mostly happy, never content, want more
Need less things, want more connections
When will I win the lottery
Should have listened to my mom
Everone else's meme sounds much better
Slow to join, then totally committed
Rarely utter first words or last
Explain to me like you're 5
Came this far, where to next
Always reaching for the next thing

I'll go with this one:
How to make a living vacationing


Here are the rules to playing (and my interpretations of them - cause they forgot to explain to me like they were 5):
1. Write your own six word memoir (OK this one is the easiest)
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like (the game just got harder - I don't know how to add a picture from the net and don't have one I took as good illustration - I'll have to spend time getting this to happen)
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere (OK - now I'm officially lost. I can link to Smile Lines, but I have no clue what the "original post" is. Good luck, you are on your own here.)
4. Tag five more blogs with links (I've officially lost this game - Katie tagged all the people I know who have blogs! :-) If I want this to keep going, I'm going to have to search for random blogs to tag to - now it really feels like one of those chain letters.)
5. Remember to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play! (OK, will do, once I find those blogs to link to who won't ban me from the blogosphere because I'm spamming their blog. I'll get right on that! Soon .. really...)

So this will happen in stages and this post will get edited a few times I suppose!

My New Stovetop

This is truly a day to remember! I am so excited ... After more than 10 years living in our house (a 1953 generic), we finally found and bought a new stovetop. Yay! Hooray! Yippee! I know it sounds like I've won the lottery and it feels a little like I have. See, I've been living and cooking daily with a Thermador stovetop circa 1960's. Only 2 of the 4 burners work and they are the smaller back burners to boot. I called an appliance repair service and it didn't take long for him to declare that not only could he not help my poor cooking buddy, but that no one would be able to - parts for that thing no longer existed!

That was 4-5 years ago. Coupled with my "easy bake oven" (seriously small) and cooking in my kitchen is always an adventure. I was once 1.5 hours late to a neighborhood gathering because I couldn't get my big pot of water to boil to throw in frozen potstickers. Thanksgivings are all potluck - my oven can barely roast 1 medium turkey and my stove is good for the mashed potates and warming my MIL's candied yams when she arrives. The microwave gets plenty of play, too and it's no spring chicken. It's functional and fairly large, but I wouldn't doubt it will follow the stovetop in a couple of years.

Myron has his work cut out for him. The new stovetop is smaller so we need to shore up the counters and fill in the gaps with new infrastructure. The countertops will now be unfinished and we'll eventually have to get new countertops, but we also are hoping to eventually remodel the entire space in a couple of years. I've lived with a crazy wacked out stovetop for 10+ years, so an unfinished countertop isn't going to faze me much. I dream of a new kitchen/living/dining space and someday I'll have that. Today marks the first step!

Of course we need to finish the kids' rooms, the office, our bedroom, etc etc etc! One day at a time. But hopefully next week, my family will eat a great meal and I will love cooking it on my new best friend.

A favorite poem

I've had this poem for a long time and I just recently found it again as I was cleaning out a box of papers. It's always spoken to me.

The Calf Path by Sam Walter Foss

One day, through the primeval wood
A calf walked home, as good calves should;
But made a trail all bent askew,
A crooked trail as all calves do.

Since then two hundred years have fled,
And, I infer, the calf is dead.
But still he left behind his trail,
And thereby hangs my moral tale.

The trail was taken up next day
By a lone dog that passed that way;
And then a wise bellwether sheep,
Pursued the trail o'er vale and steep,
And drew the flock behind him, too,
As good bellwethers always do.

And from that day, o'er hill and glade
Through those old woods a path was made;
And many men wound in and out
And dodged, and turned, and bent about
And uttered words of righteous wrath
Because 'twas such a crooked path.
But still they followed - do not laugh -
The first migrations of that calf,
And though this winding wood-way stalked,
Because he wobbled when he walked.

This forest path became a lane,
That bent and turned and turned again;
This crooked lane became a road,
Where many a poor horse with his load
Toiled on beneath the burning sun,
And traveled some three miles in one.
And this a century and a half
They trod the footsteps of that calf.

The years passed on in swiftness fleet;
The road became a village street;
And this, before men were aware,
A city's crowded thoroughfare;
And soon teeh central street was this
Of a renowned metropolis;
And men two centuries and a half
Trod in the footsteps of that calf.

Each day a hundred thousand rout
Followed the zigzag calf about;
And o'er his crooked journey went
The traffic of a continent.
A hundred thousand men were led
Bu one calf nearly three centuries dead.
They followed still his crooked way,
And lost one hundred years a day;
For thus such reverence is lent
To well-established precedent.

A moral lesson this might teach,
Were I ordained and called to preach;
For men are prone to go it blind
Along the calf-paths of the mind,
And work away from sun to sun
To do what other men have done.
They follow in the beaten track,
And out and in, and forth and back,
And still their devious course pursue,
To keep the path that others do.

But how the wise old wood-gods laugh;
Who saw the first primeval calf!
Ah! many things this tale might teach -
But I am not ordained to preach.

Postcard From the Ordinary: Oscar Moments

I watched the Oscars tonight - sort of. I made dinner, too, and flipped between ABC and HGTV - salivating over super fab kitchens. I read blogs and tried to read a chapter of a book. I turned the sound off on acceptance speeches, but kept my eye on the screen. And yet I choked up so many times.

Now, I've never wanted to be an actress, nor have I ever wanted to be on the big screen. I did have a moment in theater, when I was a teenager, and it was so fun to be a part of the group, to have rehearsals, to fall in love and date the male lead (who also happened to be a real French count) and to perform in front of a crowd, although that's the part I truly don't remember. I always thought that my parents never came, but my mom said they did.

But I tear up at all the award shows, feeling sad and I generally have a little pity party for myself. I don't wish I was up there or in that industry - I tried that working with Myron a few times and I could NEVER hack it! But it's all about the passion that these people have for their craft, that they followed their dream and that they are reaping the ultimate reward for doing what they love. And that the winners are so darned happy, elated, can't even contain themselves with joy. And I've never experienced any of those emotions. As a matter of fact, when I watch all of this, I feel like I've never emoted in my whole life. I have not followed a dream - because I've not had one. I've achieved in many ways, but almost incidentally. And oddly enough, I've taken it for granted. Kinda like the saying "any club willing to have me as a member isn't worth joining" or something like that. My achievements pale in comparison to, well, just about anyone, really. There's the heroes of the day who put their life in danger to save another's, the business person who rose to top position by being smart, savvy and a good person, all of the people who do their jobs and are the very best at it and are recognized.

I just feel like a fraud. Not as smart as so many, not as talented, not as ambitious, not as passionate, not as committed, etc etc. Please don't think I'm angling for praise or reassurances - I'm not! I am at least fully aware of what I have done and that's what makes me ordinary. I know what I have done and what I have not yet done and I can't seem to get any internal motivation to achieve greatness. The thing I have to reconcile with myself is that I need to be OK being ordinary or take action otherwise ... just don't know how or what right now. So here's to all the Oscar winners - they deserve their moment for being great and I am truly happy for them.

And Now For Something Different ...

Before this week and all its commotion, I decided that I would take Oprah's online class, A New Earth, based on Eckhart Tolle's best selling book. I've always struggled to know what my life's purpose was. Not in the grand sense of why am I here, but while I am here, what am I supposed to be doing. What is my passion? Who am I?

I'm not so sure how this is going to work. I haven't read a book in nearly 7+ years (kids do that), and to read something that's going to make me think and 'work' is ambitious for me. But I am going to give it as much as I can and maybe through this process I will find myself. Not that I am lost, but I've lost a sense of belonging, a sense of community, desire a more purposeful living.

So I'll ask forgiveness in advance if I pepper some blogs with the new stuff I learn, esoteric and philosophical as they may be. I've always been a bit synical when it comes to this stuff. My first thoughts are usually that a human just like me wrote the book, their motivation is to make money and therefore the truth is not to be found there. I feel that way about organized religion as well. So I'll try to set aside my doubts and see if this might help me live a life of purpose from this point on.

Wish me luck!